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“Joe!” I force the word out with the last of my air.
But I’m not sure he heard me, as he’s in the grip of the change.
15
Theo
Idon’t know how long I am curled in a ball, lost in my own pain. Not all changes hurt, but some have been like my skin is being ripped off and stuck back on in the wrong places. Some I don’t remember, nor do I know what caused them.
When the pain recedes, I lie there for a little longer, enjoying breathing. It’s then I realize that the groans I am hearing are not from pleasure. I force myself to roll over and stop halfway. Even though I am still surrounded by the shadow, I can see myself within the shadow. Usually I can only see what is beyond the shadow, like I don’t exist unless someone else can see me and even then, I choose who can see me.
I hold up my hand. It looks humanish, but I can’t tell if the color is wrong because of the shadow or because of some monstrous change. Where the others have short black claws, I have long black ones with very little curve. I’ve seen them before, and I know how sharp they are. But I can see them with in the shadow.
I take a breath, then risk a glance down my body, not sure what I’ll find. I know it won’t be human, no matter how much I wish that. That doesn’t stop Julie’s infectious hope from swelling in my chest. My skin is hot and tight, but the rest of me is just as dull and gray as my hands like I am made out of something other than human flesh. But I have a body, and it looks kind of humanish, except for my clawed feet.
“I have a body.” I say out loud, wanting the others to notice. I almost make the mistake of touching it with my fingers. I use the back of my hand to touch my sunken belly and the cave of my ribs. I’m too thin.
How can I look so human?
I try to remember the last time I saw myself; it was before I tried climbing the spire. But I can’t remember what I looked like, only that I was able to kill swiftly. I run my tongue over my teeth. They are all sharp and made for tearing at flesh.
I remember the taste of blood-wet meat too well, but not the form I had.
When did I forget that?
Julie gasps and I stop obsessing over a forgotten memory. Perhaps it doesn’t matter what I looked like a dozen changes ago. She’s wrapped up in Joe’s tail, trying to pull free, and he’s writhing over the ground like he has ants under his scales. Michael is on the ground clutching at his head.
I get up, every part of me aching, even though I’m not sure what I can do without risking a fight. I don’t want to lose this new change.
How many more until I lose my shadows and I can be seen by everyone?
The thought immediately fills me with fear. If others can see me, they can hunt me. In the same instant, I know that if I cannot push past that fear, I will never be visible. The monster I need to fight is in my head.
It’s Under whispering in my ear.
It’s my own desire to slink away and disappear after failing to climb.
Julie goes limp.
Fuck. How do I save her with hands that are made for killing?
16
Julie
I’m sure my ribs are about to break. My lungs burn, despite the shallow breaths I am able to draw. Something is happening to Joe, and it appears to be painful. This isn’t his fault. He’s not trying to suffocate me. But it is awkward given his dick is still in my ass.
I hope that isn’t the part of him that changes.
I press against his coils, trying to create a bit more room to breathe. I could be vicious and try to claw my way out, but I will not fight them. Whatever is happening will pass and he will let me go and it will all be fine.
Instead of trying to pull free, I relax, hoping to slide my other arm out of the coils that trap me.
“Julie!” Theo appears at my side, his shadow thick and dark about him.
“I’m not dead.” I lift my free hand as proof.
“He might crush you.”
