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Are they my thoughts, or is it Under crawling through my mind and trying to suck away another memory?
No, I will not let this place steal any more from me. I run my tongue over my teeth and feel the grit of the dirt as imagine I can taste her blood in my mouth. That I can feel the heat of her skin on my palm. I lift my hand but see nothing but the long sharp claws that have been mine for too long. I don’t exist, even for myself.
I want to kiss her like Michael did when he cut her mouth and made her bleed. To fuck her like they both did. I’m not sure I’ve ever done that with anyone. I lost so many memories before I realized that holding on to them mattered. At the time, I didn’t mind losing my body. Now I want to be more than just a fucking shadow, skulking about and waiting to vanish.
I don’t want to leave this place and return to the world of humans like this. I don’t want to be a monster anymore.
But I have been a monster longer than I was human.
Even now, with the taste of her blood on my tongue, I want more. If I admitted that to Michael, her beast-like protector, he would attempt to flatten me. He might succeed because somewhere in this shadow there is substance.
Tail hates me and fears me.
My only friend is Julie. My only hope is Julie.
And I know how damn stupid that is.
Having hope in the first place and putting it in a person in the second place.
Ahead, the ridge looms. The sky is darkening. And I can’t help but be excited at the prospect of watching the three of them fuck.
It’s the best damn thing I can remember seeing, in well, ever.
It’s not enough to create any changes though, otherwise watching her be stuffed with both of Tail’s dicks would have done more than give me a lust I cannot sate.
Not yet anyway. I don’t want to cut my lover to ribbons.
Damn claws.
Damn everything.
Including me.
3
Tail
“Go ahead and scout. Give us warning if we are going to be attacked.” I snap to no one, but my rage is bubbling worse than an overheated puddle.
This last change has filled me with a poison that needs to be spilled. I want to vent. To fight and lash out. Julie would remind me that I will only cause more changes in myself.
“I fucking know that.”
I do. Which is why I am coiled against an outcropping, muttering to myself while watching Michael and Julie have a little moment by a frozen puddle. The need to have her simmers in my blood. Does he think I can’t see what he’s doing? He’s trying to make sure she is his alone. I bet they are planning ways to escape without me.
Fuck.
I close my eyes and unclench my hands. My claws pluck free of my palms and blood smears my skin. Now I am aware of it, I hear Under whispering all the time. To me, it sounds like my father. That I can remember his voice, and the way he spoke to me like I was something he had to put up with, and was at best ashamed of, is something I doubt Under will ever let me forget. What he looked like, what I looked like, I have absolutely no idea.
Aside from the fact I didn’t look like this.
I remember what it was to have legs. I think I miss legs. But I can’t be sure.
I open my eyes but keep one pair on Michael and Julie as they fucking skip through Under hand in hand, the other pair scans the land between them and the horizon. There are two monsters out there. They aren’t too big, and they seem to be more interested in feeding on whatever—whoever—was in the puddle.
Maybe when they are done, they will fight each other and then there will only be one to watch. The idea of watching them fight is a little too tempting. I run my hand over my stomach. Instead of fur there are only scales.
This morning’s fight, while needed for the first part of our journey to the center, took more than I expected.
