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My palm burns and the curse I withheld before hisses off my tongue. I haven’t been this helpless in a very long time and I hate it.
Julie grasps my arm and pulls me up.
I’m a heartbeat away from telling her to fuck off before I catch myself. I turn the snarl into a grimace then a smile. “Thank you.”
Even to my ears it sounds forced, but she returns the smile.
Theo glances at us. “Michael is there. He’s found an overhang for us to use for the night.”
Julie keeps her hand on my arm, and I shuffle forward. My tail rattles out of annoyance, mostly at myself for being such a fucking loser. She doesn’t hesitate when she steps out of the shadow, but I do.
Will it be Michael waiting or something else?
With Julie on one arm and the spike in the other, I step out of the darkness.
The sky is purple, smeared with orange. To my left is Michael, standing beneath an overhang that offers little protection from anything. I have never been so glad to see him. I almost want to hug him with gratitude…something that feels more than a little strange. There has been nothing but tension between us for so long that something else, other than agitation verging on rivalry, is painful. When did that frustration with him fade?
If Julie hadn’t shown up, how long would we have lasted until we ended up fighting until one of us died?
“It’s the best I could find,” Michael says.
“It’s better than being in the open. There’s a wall at our back.” Julie says like she means it.
“You and Joe get in there. Theo and I will guard you.”
My tail rattles and I open my mouth to argue. I don’t need to be taken care of. I’m not helpless and soft like Julie.
Michael shakes his head. “You need to sort your legs out.”
Julie’s grip on my arm tightens enough for her claws to dig into my skin, but she helps me to shuffle beneath the rocky overhang. I lie down, as the overhang is too low for me to stand—even if I didn’t have other leg related issues—and Julie sits next to me with her arms around her knees.
Beyond the overhang is Theo’s dark smudge. Even though I know what I’m looking for, he’s hard to spot. Michael is sitting not too far away from him. They are far enough away that we have the illusion of privacy. I guess that shouldn’t be an issue since we’ve all seen everything.
Still, something doesn’t seem right. My tongue flicks out like I’ll be able to taste the undercurrent in the air and name it. I can’t. We are all tense and tired. My tail aches from being wrapped around Theo all day, and while he said nothing, he must feel the strain of carrying me. I’m well on my way to being what Michael and I called big monsters.
For a moment that fills me with something close to pride, that I got there before Michael, before I realize what it actually means. I am what I used to fear. What I never wanted to be. I am both big monster and I’m helpless.
I disgust myself with how useless I’ve become. The others would be better off going on without me. I’ll stay here and be eaten. At least then it will be over.
Those thoughts belong to Under, but I can’t stop them from racing around my head like they own the place.
Julie watches me and I’m so tempted to ask her what the hell she finds so interesting. I have to bite both forks of my tongue.
“What do you want to do about your legs?”
How the fuck am I supposed to know?
A smart monster would want to get rid of them. With my tail, I am faster, bigger and stronger. A desperate man would want to keep them and be rid of the tail. I don’t know what I am anymore.
Looking at her solidifies a few things. Her eyes are wide and dark, and her lips are pressed tight together. Even her body is drawn in tight, like she can’t take anymore. I know what I am not. “Nothing. You aren’t interested.”
I’ve seen the way her eyes light up when she does want me and that’s what I want to see, not this tired, haunted version of Julie.
She sighs and lowers her gaze. “But you need to be able to move, to climb.”
She’s right, and I’m hoping for a miracle between here and the spire. “Yeah. But that’s a problem for tomorrow. Why don’t you lie here with me and we can both grab some sleep?”
Sleep is something I have done to pass the time, not because I needed it. But today my body needs to rest, which is an odd sensation. One I had forgotten about.
