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While we’ve seen two, there could be more.
This cell may not hold the bigger, stronger beasts for long either.
“I know,” Theo says. “But I have been here before. I have failed before, and I have just remembered what it feels like to live, and I don’t want to rush to throw it away.”
Joe takes Theo’s hand. “You watched Michael and I, you know that wasn’t living. We were simply passing the time until one of us broke and killed the other.”
Theo’s mouth turns down. “I want to enjoy what we have for a little longer.”
I glance at Joe. I’m not anxious to see the queen, but I don’t want to wait until I am weak and starving and desperate. I don’t want to eat monster bits and risk changing, even though I should be able to change back. Maybe eating monster won’t change me because I have realized I am not a monster.
I have made friends with the creatures I feared. I only feared them because I didn’t understand them. Even the queen was once a person who, trapped by her own beliefs, twisted into something else. Instead of fearing her, I am sorry that she has never been able to face her inner monsters and realize there is another way.
The tips of my fingers burn and ache. I gasp and fist my hands. When I uncurl my fingers, the claws are gone.
Joe and Theo stare.
“What did you do?” Joe reaches for my hand and runs the pads of his clawed fingers over my chipped pink nails.
“I was thinking about the queen, and how sad her existence is. What does she believe that has made her queen of Under?”
“You pity her?” Theo asks. His dark eyes are the size of plates. Does he think I pity him? To become king of Under was an accomplishment even though it was to his detriment. He must have fought hard and convinced others to follow him. He must have defeated the previous ruler. But at some point, he lost his supporters as well as himself.
Joe smiles. “No, Julie has compassion for her.”
“I doubt the queen will have any for us.” Theo offers me his hand and I accept, carefully avoiding his talons.
I lift his hand and kiss the back of it. “You need to find it for yourself.”
10
Guard
Even though I didn’t want to, I am lurking in the tunnel again. This time, the captives are quiet. I creep closer to make sure they are still there. But of course they are. There is nowhere else for them to go.
There is no way out of the castle unless they climb the spire and only desperate fools do that. I have seen the queen punish some by making them climb. They climb and fall and are ripped apart. It is not a fate I want.
I’m sure she will notice the change that has happened, and there is no way to hide it. I try to stuff the appendage back inside, or tuck it behind the split shell, but it won’t stay put. Both the monsters in the cell have a similar appendage. The one with the tail has two.
No one else in the castle does.
The queen will force me up the spire if I’m not careful.
Watching the captives sleep, the appendage takes on a life of its own, thickening and rising. My heartbeat quickens as I figure out why they make such an untidy pile. The woman is embracing the monster. She’s curled around his back with her arm looped over his side like she…my mind stumbles over the word.
She’s protecting him like she cares. A broken memory flashes through my mind too fast for me to grab. I’ve had them before, and I don’t know what they mean. Some are painful, full of screaming and shattering and blood. I know I am the cause of the screaming. My mandibles click, but I often am the cause of pain.
The human-ish man is tucked behind the woman, his arm over her.
She is tucked safely between the two monsters and is sleeping soundly. How is that possible? How is she still alive? I thought she’d be dead by now, that there would only be the other two left.
I lift a hard hand and touch the shell over my chest. What would it feel like to be held like that? To be sure that I would be safe? But I can’t even sense my hand on my chest, so I wouldn’t be able to feel hers.
There’s that strange sensation again, like I want something more than to eat her.
Of course I don’t. What else would I do with her?
What they are doing?
