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"Thank you, Holden; you may go."
She snuggled down into the bedsheets and pillows, feeling as though it was all she could do to protect herself from whatever came next. The wedding day had gone by in a whirlwind, and she had to admit that she had even enjoyed herself. Yet sitting there now, she quickly came to realise how badly she had messed up.I should have snuck out last night,she told herself once more. As an afterthought, she hoped,perhaps tonight, he shall not come.
Chapter 15
The day had gone far better than Anthony could have hoped. Though it was a relief for it to finally be over, for all his money troubles to be at an end just like that, a part of him couldn’t help feeling disappointed that it had not lasted longer. He was under no illusions as to what was expected of him next.
Jonathan had practically joked about it at the dinner table, insisting he leave so that the happy couple could retire to the marital bed. It still made Anthony cringe to think about it now. And yet his cheeks blushed when he thought of what it meant. There could be far worse things than consummating a marriage with one's wife, especially when one's wife was as beautiful as Lady Rose.
No, it is too soon!he told himself firmly as his valet helped him out of his suit and into his evening robe.We do not know each other well enough for that yet.Though he had slept with women he knew far less, some he hadn't even known the name of during his time as a soldier, he couldn’t help feeling as though Lady Rose deserved much more than that.
Even before he had left his own bedroom to travel across the hall to hers, he had decided that if she did not want it, he would postpone the consummation.Nobody ever need know but ourselves,he reminded himself, knowing that what happened between him and his wife now would stay that way. There was no reason to question him on such matters; at least, he hoped there wasn't.
"I do believe that you are ready, My Lord," Mr Mathers, his valet and under butler whenever Mr Cartwright wasn't available, announced with one final pull on the tie around Anthony's waist.
I may look prepared, but I certainly do not feel it,Anthony thought, unsure how he might handle it if he entered the lady's bedroom to find her expecting their consummation to occur.
He knew French women all too well, how they were desire-filled and promiscuous and took what they wanted when they wanted it and felt no shame for it. Yet Lady Rose was unlike any noble French woman he had ever met, and he hoped that would continue to be true.
"Please, lead the way, Mathers," Anthony instructed, deciding that whatever happened, it was best to get the horrible ordeal over with. Reminding himself that he was lord here and nothing would happen without his say-so, he was at least assured that he would be in control.
He felt sorry for the young lady he was about to join, imagining just how terrified she might be and that if she was not, she was much more like the other French women he had met than he first realised.
The hallway seemed much slimmer than it had previously, and all too soon, he stood in his robe and slippers outside the lady's bedroom door. Holden stood a few steps away from the room with her head bowed, clearly intending to wait there just in case her lady needed her at all during their wedding night.
Anthony couldn’t think of anything worse than consummating a marriage only to have the young lady call for her maid immediately afterwards to get her cleaned up.
Though he had never really been a romantic, he couldn't help hoping it would be a much more pleasant experience than that. A part of him even longed to complete the consummation, but he reminded himself that he had made a promise to himself, and silently to Lady Rose, that he would at least get to know the young lady first.
"Miss Holden, your lady will not need you this evening," Anthony assured the maid when he saw that the young lady was looking quite anxious with her head bowed so that he could barely see her face. "Please, go about your usual business."
Holden's gaze lifted, and for a moment, she looked as though she might protest. Then she smiled, looking quite relieved as though she finally understood his meaning, and when she curtseyed, Anthony found himself hoping that her relief would be an extension of her new mistress's.
After all, the maid was the one person in the entire household who would be even closer to his wife than he himself at times. The two were likely already getting to know each other, and Anthony bit the inside of his lip to stop himself from asking the maid anything deep or meaningful. Whatever he had to learn about his new wife, he wished to learn it for himself from her delicate pink lips.
Instead of asking anything uncomfortable, he asked, "Holden, is she well?"
This time the maid looked him directly in the eye as she responded, "As well as to be expected, My Lord."
"Thank you, Holden, you may go," he instructed her again. Whatever might happen in that room, he did not wish anyone to be around to hear it, even if the evening went as he had planned in his head and all they did was speak. "I shall ring the bell if anything is needed."
"Of course, My Lord," Holden responded, curtseying once more as Anthony turned to Mathers with a silent look that suggested he should leave also. The man, perhaps twenty years younger than old Mr Cartwright, got the meaning immediately and dropped into a low bow, wishing his master well for the evening before escorting Holden down the hall towards the servants’ stairwell.
Anthony stood in front of that door for what felt like an eternity though it couldn’t have been more than a minute or two. When he finally raised his hand to knock, he quickly realised that his new wife had been anticipating him. Almost immediately after his knuckles rapped on the wood, he heard her call to him, "Come in, My Lord!"
Holding his breath, his spine straightening so much that he felt like he might begin to bend the wrong way at any moment, he reached for the door handle and let himself in.
He was most surprised to find that Lady Rose was already abed, though she was not as he might have expected from many French ladies. She was not posed across the bed, practically naked and inviting him to her with a wiggle of her finger and eyebrow.
She was not gazing at him wantonly as though she had been sitting abed thinking of all she wished to do to him that evening. Instead, she was sitting in the bed wearing perhaps the thickest nightgown he had ever seen. He could only just see it for she had pulled the bedsheets almost up to her chin to protect herself from his gaze, reclining back into the mountain of pillows as if she wanted them to open up and swallow her.
Anthony found himself breathing a deep sigh of relief, his spine relaxing the moment he saw her sitting like that. She most definitely did not look like a lady who wished to consummate her marriage.
And it was at that moment that Anthony realised he wanted to, though not like this, not with her looking like a frightened little bunny rabbit who wanted to hop off at the slightest movement. Her large blue-green eyes seemed even larger and rounder than usual, and she looked positively terrified.
Clicking the door gently closed behind him and seeing how the creak made his new wife jump and tremble, Anthony raised his palms and shook his head as he assured her, "My Lady, you have no need to fear me."
Still, when she continued to look quite traumatised, Anthony stepped into the room, further away from the bed, to show her that he was no threat.This is not at all how it should be,he thought grimly, fighting the urge to go to her, comfort her, and tell her that he had no intention of doing anything she did not wish for him to do.
