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“I know,” Anthony says. The bitterness in his voice surprises me. He looks away. “She wanted me to help. She said—she said she could hear her. Lucy. She said she was dreaming about her, but I didn’t believe her. I told her they were just dreams.”
“Zach believed her,” I say, understanding something that’s never clicked before. Like why Becca picked Zach, when it was obvious she belonged with Anthony. “That’s why she didn’t tell anyone else,” I say. “That’s why she didn’t tell me. Because you didn’t believe her, and—”
Anthony glares at me. “You know what, Sara? You think people avoid you because you’re weird. Did you ever stop to think that maybe they avoid you because you’re a jerk?”
The breath goes out of my words. “Not being warm and fuzzy isn’t the same thing as being a jerk.”
“When you won’t even talk to your friends, it gets hard to tell the difference,” he says. He shakes his head. “Fine. If you have another partner, you have another partner. I can’t force you to go with me. But I’m going to be there. Because I still care about you, even if I’ve sucked at showing it lately.”
“You don’t even know where to go.”
“I’m sure I can figure it out,” he says, and shoves off from the railing. It’s started to rain; it patters against my shoulders and sneaks down the nape of my neck. Still I stand for a long while, watching Anthony stride back toward the street, his hands jammed in his pockets. My hands are shaking. I curl my fingers into fists.
Anthony abandoned me, when I needed his friendship the most. Even if maybe I did abandon him first.
I can’t pretend that the others didn’t reach out. Trina is still doing her best, and it isn’t like I’ve made that easy. Even Mel, not exactly Miss Sentimental, tried to help, and I turned my back on both of them. I kept my grief wrapped tight around me. I kept them at a distance.
And now I might have the chance to get Becca back, and Anthony is right. I need his help. Because I need a partner, and I don’t have anyone else to ask.
EXHIBIT C
Group chat transcript
April 18, 2017
TRINA (4:07 pm): Hey guys
NICK (4:08 pm): Sup
MEL (4:08 pm): I didn’t even know I still had this app installed
TRINA (4:10 pm): I thought we should talk
MEL (4:11 pm): Are you sure it’s safe? It might ruin your reputation.
NICK (4:12 pm): You only wish you were that edgy, Mel.
MEL (4:14 pm): I meant if she gets caught talking to you, nerd squad.
NICK (4:14 pm): Can you have a nerd squad of one?
MEL (4:14 pm): You are nerdy enough to count as four point seven nerds for the purpose of squads. Basic science.
TRINA (4:15 pm): Guys.
NICK (4:15 pm): Um, Trina, “guys” is a sexist term created by the patriarchy to imply that maleness overrules femaleness in a group setting
MEL (4:15 pm): Shut up I don’t sound like that
NICK (4:16 pm): a) yes you do and b) you know I dig it
MEL (4:17 pm): Were I but heterosexual my friend
NICK (4:17 pm): You know you’d be all over me
MEL (4:17 pm): Hell yeah. my pasty-white love stallion.
TRINA (4:17 pm): As glad as I am that you two are still friends...
