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“I’m not just sorry that I treated you badly after the reception. I love you.”
The words hung in the air as Kristen stared at him and little things settled into his brain. Like the way she felt in his arms and the way he felt in general. He wasn’t playing a role. He wasn’t doing what was expected. He was simply being himself.
And that was why he loved her. She wasn’t just wonderful. She was the one person with whom he could be himself. His real self. The person he longed to be.
* * *
Kristen saw the second he realized what he’d said. Though part of her wanted to yank her way out of his arms and leave him, the other part melted. She knew how huge this was for him.
Unfortunately, he’d also hurt her and he would hurt her again if she let him.
She couldn’t let him.
“My whole point in walking away was to save you from getting hurt.”
“Too late for that.”
“I hurt myself as much. But not for the reasons you think. It hurt me to know you were hurting. And that sort of messed up my whole plan.”
Curiosity overwhelmed her and her gaze met his. His brown eyes were soft, almost happy. She wanted to deck him.
“In trying not to hurt you I hurt you.”
“You don’t need to spell it out. I got it.”
And she was softening again, mellowing to him. Not because he deserved her kindness, but because there was something about him that meshed with something in her. If either one of them believed in destiny anymore, she’d think they were cursed. As it was, she wondered if her hormones weren’t out of whack to make her believe she belonged with this crazy man.
“You see, I thought that the fact that I can’t be a good dad would either keep us from having kids or mess up our lives if we did have kids.”
She almost stopped dancing. “What?”
“I meant what I said about loving you. And loving you meant that I wanted everything you did...even kids.”
She did stop dancing. “And you saw far enough ahead to worry about what would happen if we had kids?”
He nodded.
“You didn’t stop to think you could look up fatherhood on YouTube?”
To her surprise, he burst out laughing. “Never thought of it. The idea of having a child or two or three paralyzed me and all I could think was how unfair that was to you.” He sucked in a breath. “But there’s more.”
The music stopped. Some couples left the floor. New couples meandered on.
He took her hands. “You’re at the start of your life, a wonderful career. I worried that I would drag you down.”
His hands holding hers felt so right, so good, but she couldn’t let herself give in. If they had a relationship, they had to be equals.
She carefully said, “You don’t seem worried now.”
“Because I finally realized I wouldn’t hold you back. In some ways knowing me might actually help you.” He grinned. “I did introduce you to Mrs. Flannigan.”
A laugh bubbled up. She raised her eyes to his. “So you love me?”
He rubbed his chest. “A lot, if the pain in my heart is any indicator.”
She stepped close. The music started again. Couples waltzed around them, but they didn’t move. “Love is actually a very happy thing.”
He snorted. “I’d never have guessed.”
She laid her hands on his chest, flattened them against his silk shirt. “I have so much to teach you, grasshopper.”
He laughed.
She let her hands slide up to his shoulders.
His soft brown eyes caught hers. “You don’t hate me?”
“I love you. But we’re going to have to make a pact. You don’t get to make decisions for me. We talk about things.”
He smiled. “Okay.”
Her hands finally met at his nape. “Okay.”
A second went by, then two. “You could kiss me now.”
He laughed, dipped his head, pressed his lips to hers and Kristen’s heart sang. The love of her life was a strong, opinionated, sometimes arrogant man, but she had no doubt she was his equal.
He broke the kiss. Couples danced around them. He shoved his hand in his jacket pocket. “We need a little something to seal this deal.” He pulled his hand out and dropped a diamond bracelet into her hand.
