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She nearly reached out for his hand, but held back. Instead, Nora touched her forearm, where River had healed her. "You'll still be a big help in this time, I'm certain of it, even without some of the machines you speak of." She looked back at him. "Will you truly teach me some non-magical medicine if I ask for lessons?"
He smiled, his eyes lighting up. Nora liked that expression much better. "Of course. Apart from my sisters, it's the most important thing in the world to me. Being able to share that with someone? Fuck, that's the absolute best." He reached over and took her hand. Since she had her usual shirtwaist with long sleeves paired with a skirt, she didn't have on any gloves.
And the heat of his hand against hers sent a wave of wanting through her; for once, she longed for someone to keep stroking her skin.
As if reading her mind, he didn't stop, his thumb rubbing slowly against the back of her hand. River was the first to speak, his voice a little deeper than usual. "What's important to you, Nora? Your son, of course, but what about something just for you, the female part that's not a parent?"
Ambrose had been her everything for so long that it took her a moment to think of something. "I haven't done it since I was a girl, but I used to love playing the pianoforte."
"Why did you stop?"
She looked away, over to the piano her brother had insisted on purchasing, just in case she ever wanted to play again. "Because I was forced to perform for someone who hurt me."
"Your father?"
She shook her head, stopped, and shrugged. "My father did a lot of horrible things, but it wasn't him."
"Then who?"
No one ever asked Nora about her decade of hell. No one. Not even her brothers. They'd both said she could speak in her own time, or not at all. They wouldn't push.
And yet, it had been more than fifty years, meaning it was probably time for her to address it better. Not to mention it was only fair to prepare River for what was to come with her claiming.
Which meant sharing some of her secrets and nightmares.
Letting out a sigh, she tugged her hand and River released it. She twisted both of them in her lap, staring down at her fingers, as she answered softly, "I mentioned how vampire females are at their most fertile before their frozen states."
"Yes."
She didn't move her gaze from her lap. Any look of pity, or disgust, or disdain would keep her from continuing, and she just wanted to get this over with. "My father needed money to help fight his war against the fae witches, or so I surmised because he never discussed finances with me.
"And since he couldn't contract me out to the human army for a lump sum, like he did with Leo, he did the only thing his daughter could do to earn a decent amount of coin—he sold my womb to the highest bidder."
She heard River's intake of breath, but Nora didn't dare look at him. Not wanting to give him a chance to ask a question or make this draw out longer, she rushed onward. "The first male, who became Ambrose's father, paid extra to claim my virginity and get me with child.
"I was young—barely fourteen—lost, and had no knowledge of what went on between a male and female to produce offspring. My mother died before I was three, and of course my father didn't think I was worth any of his time, nor would he have bothered anyway because it was a female concern."
Of course, having knowledge of intimate relations wouldn't have mattered in the end. Because of all the times her father had sold her temporarily to a male, the first, Rowland, had been the worst in so many ways.
Not wanting to get ahead of herself and possibly start crying—Nora was determined to discuss this once and only once with River—she spoke again. "Th-that first male delighted in making me cry and scream, hurting me as much as he could without breaking my skin." She touched the skin hidden by her sleeve, where her wrist scars were. "I was so determined to try to get free, I had to be chained to the bed."
A growl came from River's direction, but she still didn't glance his way. "I eventually learned that if I didn't fight and let him do whatever he wished to me, it would end quicker. If it had only been that, it would've been more bearable. But no,hedelighted in seeing me in pain. Often after he was finished, I would bleed from my private parts from his rough handling. If I wanted him to fetch a fae witch doctor, then I had to play at the piano, naked and bleeding, until he was satisfied."
The memory rushed back, of her crying and in pain, barely out of childhood, terrified and trying her best to make her fingers hit the correct keys. If she missed a note, Rowland made her start from the beginning. The very first time she'd endured it, she'd nearly passed out from blood loss by the time a fae witch doctor saw her.
A sob escaped her throat, but she closed her eyes and willed herself to calm down. She needed to finish this, to get through it, so she'd never have to talk about Ambrose's father again.
River's gentle voice filled her ears. "I want to touch you, Nora. Will you allow it? If not, I understand, but I want to hold you, baby, and make you feel better."
Her eyes flew up and she finally met River's green ones. Instead of pity or disgust, there was only patience, kindness, and a very small flicker of anger.
She instinctively knew the anger wasn't for her. And that if she wasn't so vulnerable right now, it'd probably shine a lot stronger in his gaze. Her brother Leo had destroyed most of the furniture in their house when he'd come home from his twenty-year army contract and discovered the bare minimum of the truth.
For so many decades, she'd balked at any male's touch but her son's or brothers'. Yet River's soothing tone, and what she assumed was some sort of endearment at calling her "baby," made her yearn for a sort of closeness she'd never hoped for past age fourteen.
What would it feel like to take comfort from a male unrelated to her?
She suddenly longed to experience it. And before she could convince herself not to, Nora nodded and River pulled her into his arms, until she was pressed against his side. His heat and tight grip felt safe, helped to chase away her horrid memories, and she closed her eyes, snuggled against his chest, and finally cried.
