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She looks like she’s struggling to figure out what the next step is.
“Can we please sit in the car to talk, at least?” I ask. “I know I screwed up, but we can get around it, can’t we? I’d like for us to.”
“How are we going to figure this out?” she asks. “After the game…”
I know she means she’s leaving. But I want to talk about what will happen between us, where we stand, so that I know what choices to make. Colin told me to look at the bigger picture, and I’m doing that. But I can’t think about the next step when I don’t know if me and Jenna are a sure thing.
She hesitates before she nods, and I lead her to my car, opening the passenger door for her and everything. But when we’re both in the car, the air conditioning cooling us off, I don’t drive anyway. This is better than standing in the parking lot but she can still leave if she really wants to.
“I really do care about you,” I say. “And not just in a fling way. This stopped being a fling a while ago. I don’t know if you believe me when I say that, but it’s true.”
Jenna nods. “Okay.”
“Did you think it isn’t?”
“I wasn’t sure, after you wanted to hide me from Noah. But I think I get it now. I think…”
“So, you saw Noah, huh?” I ask.
She looks up at me, surprised. “How did you know?”
“He called me.”
She nods slowly. “So, you’re still okay? I was worried I might have messed up your friendship. It’s a pretty shit way to lose a friend.” She looks like she’s going to burst out in tears. I want to pull her into my arms and be there for her. But I don’t think she’ll let me. We’re not in that space just yet. We’re not fighting now, and that’s a good start.
I shake my head. “You didn’t mess up our friendship. If anyone messed it up, it’s me. I should have been open with him and with you about what was going on.”
She nods and looks forward through the windscreen at the passengers arriving and leaving the airport.
“I shouldn’t have told you I wouldn’t hide things from you when I was hiding something from you already,” I say. “I was taken aback by how serious it all suddenly was when I’m not…” I take a deep breath. “I’m not very good at playing this game.”
“I didn’t mean to make things so serious so fast,” Jenna says. “Looking back now, I guess I can see where it got too much. I said it because, well, I’ve been blindsided a few times and I hate it.”
“Like when Noah followed me to Miami instead of staying with you.”
“I guess that’s where it started.”
I nod. It was a shit one, I get that now. Back then, I was just glad he wasn’t with her anymore, because I couldn’t stand the idea that my best friend was the one who got the girl I loved. But now that I know what it means to be that serious about someone you have in your life…if Jenna left now, without giving me a good reason, I would be pissed, too.
“I’ve always been in love with you, you know,” I say.
Jenna glances at me. She doesn’t look shocked.
“In school, when you and Noah started dating…man, that fucking tore me apart. I was a dick to you because I was jealous. And when he left…that’s my fault. I made him leave because I didn’t want you two together. Even if it meant I couldn’t have you—”
“You didn’t make him leave,” Jenna says. “He wasn’t as invested in us. He told me so himself. He can make those choices for himself, Brett. You didn’t hold a gun to his head.”
She’s right. I didn’t. But I felt like it was me that pulled him away. I was happy at the time, but I feel like shit about it now. Although, I’m happy she’s not with him. I will never be unhappy about that.
“Why didn’t you just tell me?” Jenna asks. “Why didn’t you let me know how you felt about me? So much could have been different.”
“I didn’t know how,” I say. “I told you, I’m not good at this game. I can play football, I can charm, I can do a hell of a lot of stuff. But admit that I’m in love with you…”
“You did fine this time around,” she points out with a smirk.
I nod. “That’s because I already knew what it was like to lose you, and I had to do it or risk losing you again.”
Her smile fades. “You’re really serious about this, aren’t you? You’ve been in love with me all this time?”
