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“What about you? How were things at the office?” Raven asks.
“Same old,” I admit. “It gets very repetitive sometimes. If it wasn’t for training with the guys, I would lose my mind. I wouldn’t have it any other way, though. I love what I do. But the adrenaline helps. A lot.”
Raven giggles. “I can’t imagine being as fit and training as hard as you do. You must be the fittest man with an office job I know.”
I laugh. “Yeah, well, it keeps the mischief at bay, right?”
“Right,” Raven says.
A server comes to take our order and I order for us—cheeseburgers and fries with sodas all around. When he leaves again, Raven leans back and sighs.
“I think it’s really great that you’re helping Natalie out when she needs it,” she says.
“I’m not going to let her suffer because she’s in a situation that’s out of her control. She works so hard, and she doesn’t deserve what happened to her. Besides, Kylie is a sweetheart, and I love spending time with her.”
Raven smiles and glances toward the play area where Kylie attempts the monkey bars and falls into a ball pit when her hands slip.
“Do you want kids one day?” Raven asks.
“Oh, hell no,” I say and bark a laugh. “Can you imagine me as a dad? I would fuck it up completely. I mean, you have to sacrifice so much for them, and I don’t think I have what it takes.”
“You wouldn’t even try?” she asks.
I shake my head. “That’s not a question I need answers to. I know my limitations; I’m not going to pretend I’m good at something I know I won’t be. Besides, my career is very demanding and I don’t think it would be fair to start a family and then not be there for them.”
“I guess that makes sense,” Raven says. She wears an expressionless mask, and I can’t tell what she’s thinking.
“How about you?” I ask, trying to keep the conversation going,
“I think kids add a dimension to your life you didn’t know you needed until it’s there. You learn to look at life differently, you know? It’s not about just you anymore. And it’s the small things, too. Like having a tea party under the table instead of on top of it. Or studying blades of grass for ants.”
“That’s why you’re so great with Kylie,” I say. “You think the right way to deal with kids. I don’t think like that. I think big.”
She purses her lips. “And I don’t?”
“No, I don’t mean it that way. I just don’t have the time to slow down and smell the roses. And you would do something like that. You’re so invested in whatever you do.”
The server arrives with our sodas to sip on while we wait. Kylie bounds to us and hops onto her chair next to Raven.
“Did you see me?” she asks Raven. “I did the monkey bars without falling!”
“You’re a natural,” Raven says with a smile that softens her features, and the tension of a moment ago is gone. I don’t know what it was, but I love watching Raven with Kylie. She’s so open with her, so sweet. And Kylie has never been so forward with a stranger. She really likes Raven.
That makes two of us.
“I think you should show me again before the burgers come,” Raven says.
Kylie nods eagerly, runs to the monkey bars, and this time, Raven watches intently. I don’t watch Kylie. I can’t stop staring at Raven.
Chapter 12
Raven
After we spend time at the burger place, it’s time to take Kylie home. Noah’s sister calls and let us know she’s on her way.
In the car, Kylie sings to herself as we drive. Being around her makes me miss Ava so much—I just want to cuddle my little girl and tell her how much I love her. Being a parent is everything I never knew I wanted in my life.
When Noah said he doesn’t want children, it jarred me. There’s no way I can tell him about Ava. Not that I was planning on doing it—it will never work with him living here and us in Paris. But the idea was at the back of my mind.
