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“Okay,” Natalie says. “Have a good night. It’s nice to meet you.” She adds the latter to me.
We say our goodbyes, get in the car, and leave.
“You and your sister are like twins,” I say.
Noah chuckles. “It’s the looks, right? We get that all the time.”
“Yeah, you look so alike it's uncanny. But you have that thing some siblings have.”
“Do you have siblings?”
I shake my head. “I’m an only child. It’s never bothered me much. I used to love getting everything when my friends had to share with their brothers or sisters. But now that I’m older, I would have liked to have a big family, with lots of kids running around, brothers and sisters all married…I like the idea of togetherness.”
“Having a lot of people together like that, and people who have your back, doesn’t have to have anything to do with family,” Noah says.
I guess he’s right—friends can be closer than family. I have that with Michelle. But she’s not married, and by the time she has children, Ava will be so much older that it won’t be the same as growing up with a bunch of cousins.
“What do you feel like doing?” Noah asks.
“I don’t know,” I say. “Nothing too wild. It’s been a rough week and tomorrow is an early start. We’re showing twice, and the first is at nine.”
“What about a movie at my place?” Noah asks.
I nod. “Sounds perfect.”
I like Noah’s place. It’s got the bachelor pad feel, but it’s homey, and when I’m there with him, I’m comfortable. It doesn’t happen easily for me to be comfortable with someone, but with Noah, it feels like we’ve always done this.
It scares me that it feels so good with him. He’s not the guy for me. He’s changed since college, and that’s a pro. But his cons list doubles every time I see him.
He doesn’t want kids.
“Here,” Noah says, appearing from the kitchen with two glasses of wine. We sit on the couch together, and he switches on the television. It’s so big, it covers most of the wall it’s mounted against. With the lights off the way they are, it feels like we're in a very private cinema.
Noah chooses something from the list of movies on his streaming service and the movie starts. But I can’t focus on what I’m seeing. I’m overthinking again.
Noah doesn’t want kids, but he already has one. He just doesn’t know. I shouldn’t change anything—he didn’t know about Ava before I found out he doesn’t want kids. And the chances that I’ll tell him are slim to zero, anyway. What’s the point?
But for some reason, knowing how he feels about it makes me feel sick. I feel betrayed, somehow.
I know it’s not fair, and I try to push it out of my mind and focus on the movie.
Noah puts his arm around me and pulls me closer. His warmth seeps into me, and he rubs his thumb in circles over my arm. I like the way he touches me, holds me. I like how we are when we are together.
Despite everything that doesn’t work between us, there’s so much thatdoes. And that’s what confuses me.
Noah presses his lips against my temple. When I turn my face to him, he’s only inches away from me. His eyes lock on mine, and my stomach tightens. He’s so attractive in the light from the television, all brawn and bulk and delicious. His blond hair looks like silk, and his eyes are dark in the dim room.
When they slide to my lips, I close my eyes, lift my chin a little, and let him close the distance between us. His kiss is incredible. I sigh against him, and he pulls me tighter.
We forget about the movie.
For a while, we make out. His tongue slides around in my mouth, tasting, probing. Slowly, his hands roam my body, and I moan softly when he cups one breast. He kneads and massages, and that turns me on, my body becoming a live wire. When he pushes me backward so I lay on the couch, Noah crawls between my legs, and they fall open for him. He lowers himself onto me, balancing his weight between his hips and his arm next to my head so that he doesn’t crush me. He grinds his erection against me, his cock heard and eager, his lust clearly as strong as mine.
None of this matters. So, he doesn’t want kids. There’s an ocean between us. We’ll never work.
So, what?
I need to remember this isn’t a long-term relationship. It’s a fling.
