AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I start crying, and I can’t tell her what’s wrong.
“Come to me,” Michelle finally says. “Get in a cab; I’ll send you the address.” She ends the call.
I do as she says, flagging a cab down and getting in. When the address comes through in a text, I tell the driver, and he starts the meter. The car pulls off, and I look back through the rear window at Noah’s building. I don’t know which window is his. I don’t know if he’s looking out at me.
I shouldn’t care.
But when the taxi drives off and the building shrinks behind us until we turn and it disappears, my heart breaks.
Chapter 21
Noah
I’m fucking losing my mind. Who does she think she is, telling me I’m not good enough to be a fucking boyfriend? I can do long-term. Sure, I haven’t since my first girlfriend, Jenna. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have what it takes to be a decent fucking human being.
Just a fling!? What else were we supposed to be during the week she was here? We both knew she was leaving, and despite that, I caught so many feelings for her, they’re suffocating me now.
She’s in the wrong. She shouldn’t have done what she did. She should have told me from the start.
I get in my car and drive out onto the snowy streets. It’s dangerous as hell; I know that. There are barely any cars on the road, and the streets are slick as fuck with all the snow and patches of black ice that make it impossible to drive without the risk of wrecking my car.
But I need to get to the gym. I can’t deal with what I’m feeling, and the only way I’ve ever managed my emotions was to either train it away or drink it away.
I don’t think any bars will be open right now. Even if they are, I’m pretty sure I’ll be a problem with alcohol in my system.
I already feel like I’m going to break everything I see and I’m sober.
The parking lot at the training center has been salted and scraped, and a few cars fill the bays. I’m not the only one sticking to a routine of some kind despite the weather’s apocalyptic stunt.
When I walk into the training center, the heat is cranked up so high, I start peeling my clothes off until I’m in my training pants and a sleeveless shirt.
Mason is in the gym, lifting weights. The veins bulge on his neck as he grimaces with every lift, and the weights clang when he drops them down.
I get on the treadmill and push it up as fast as I can manage. Screw the fucking warmup; I need to do something with the adrenaline pumping through my system. My heart rate is already through the roof.
My legs eat up the belt, my thighs pumping like power pistons, and I breathe hard and rhythmic. My feet beat out a tattoo as I charge ahead.
Just a fling.
Damn her, what else was I supposed to do? She was the one who told me she was leaving that first night, and it was a lie. Who the fuck was gunning for a one-night stand?
You slept your way through college.
I had to do something that wouldn’t make me feel so damn worthless after I lost it all. She has no right to judge my coping mechanisms. And what about her? What about what she’s done with her life? I know nothing about who she’s become, but hell, she has a daughter. She failed to tell me about it. She’s no fucking saint, either.
You’re just using words to make you feel better about yourself.
For the first time in a long time, I was honest with her. I allowed myself to feel something for her, and I told her things I would usually be too scared to tell someone. Because I know she’s leaving. Because I won’t have another chance. It doesn’t make me sincere. I was such a fucking idiot to close my eyes and take the leap with her. I was such a fool to trust that she wouldn’t break my heart.
She’s different from the other women, sure. She wasn’t with me because of my name or the connections I have with the NFL. She wasn’t with me because it’s so fun to tell her friends she fucked Noah Spencer. But she wasn’t with me because she thought I was her happy ending, either. And I was a damn fool to let myself believe for one moment that it could be like that.
You don’t know what you have until it’s gone, right? Well, you don’t know what you want until you get what youdon’twant. And what I didn’t want was to fall for someone, only to be told to my face that I’m not good enough for anything more than a fling. That I’ll always be on the fucking sidelines, even with relationships. That I’ll nevergo pro.Story of my life.
Fuck.
I run until I can’t breathe, until my lungs scream at me and my legs feel like they’re going to give in.
When I slow the treadmill, I try to keep a brisk walk going, but even that is too much for the punishment I put my legs through. I stop the belt and lean on the sidebars, trying to catch my breath. My lungs need to relearn how to do their job. Pains shoot into my chest with every inhale, and I feel like I’m going to throw up.
