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“A what?”
“Yeah, I looked like that when I found out, too.”
I reach for my water bottle, finally trusting myself not to bring everything up again when I drink something. I take a few sips, but my stomach turns and I feel like I might run to the bin and throw up the contents of my stomach, anyway. Maybe it’s not from training too hard. Maybe it’s because I know I fucking lost her, and the thought makes me want to hurl.
“Maybe it’s for the better, you know?” Rooster says. “I know it’s hard, but she’s going, anyway. You knew this from the start. You can get back to your life now. Do your thing, you know?”
I nod. Maybe he’s right. I should just forget about her and domy thing. Fuck around, wake up to a different warm body next to me every weekend. Lose their numbers, forget their names. That’s what Noah Spencer does.
The thought of having anyone else in my bed makes me feel sicker than I already am.
“Come on, we’ll get through this,” Rooster says. “Let’s go out for a drink and get this woman off your mind.”
I nod. Now that I’ve worn out my body and my mind still won’t stop, I can risk dousing it with alcohol. I won’t do anything stupid, now. The rage is gone. All that’s left is the quiet acceptance that this is how things are going to be for me.
I’m not the guy who settles down. I’m not the guy who gets serious. I’m not the guy women want anything more than a fling with.
At least I have Rooster at my side—he’s single and happy about it. I’ll always have a drinking buddy, I’ll always have a wingman, and I’ll always have someone to try convincing me that this is the life I want.
For the rest of my life.
“I need to hit the shower,” I say before we leave the gym. “I smell like a pig.”
“I wasn’t going to say anything, but yeah,” Rooster says with a cocky grin.
I punch him in the shoulder and walk to the bathrooms.
When I hop in the shower, it’s not only the sweat that runs down the drain. The smell of Raven swirls around me before everything we shared washes away. I wince when I think about her and then promptly shove the thought of her away.
I can’t punish myself like this. I’m going out with Rooster and we’re getting wasted. I won’t think about her or talk about or anything. I’ll just drink until I feel better and then…I’ll figure out the next step.
When I meet Rooster again, it’s been ten minutes. He scrolls on his phone.
“Weather is starting to look better,” he says. “We’ll be able to train with the guys soon.”
“Good,” I say. “If they’re off too long, they get into trouble.”
“Just like kids. Can’t leave ‘em alone.”
I laugh and we leave the training center together. I get in Rooster’s car—I already know I’m not going to be fit to drive. I’ll pick my car up later.
When we drive, I look up at the sky. The snow is still falling, but it’s not nearly as bad as it was before. It’s a good sign, but I can’t help but think that the weather getting better means that Raven will leave soon, and then she’ll be gone for good.
Chapter 22
Raven
It takes almost two hours to get to Michelle’s parents’ place. It shouldn’t have taken so long, but the weather is still pretty crap, and the driver took it slow to be sure I get there in one piece.
When I pay him, I tip him for the extra time he took to keep me safe, and for risking it out in the snow to make a living.
I drag my bags to the front door of a colonial house that looks like a postcard in the snow, and the front door opens.
“You made it,” Michelle says and holds out her arms to hug me when I reach her.
She looks different than when she’s in Paris with me or working on getting models ready for a fashion show. She’s dressed in leggings and an oversized jersey, with a scarf wrapped around her neck, and her hair is becoming curly with lack of being straightened.
“I already talked to my parents; you can stay the night.”
