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“And what of it?” I’m snappier than I should be. I’m not comfortable with my emotions bubbling so close to the surface. I didn’t expect any of this, and I wasn’t prepared. I was ready to defend my corner because I thought Michelle would take me on about the fight I had with Raven. I didn’t expect the kindness.
Michelle hesitates, glancing around the coffee shop before she ships her coffee.
“How serious are you about her?” she asks.
How much should I tell her?
“It’s not getting back to her,” Michelle adds.
I’m still not sure where she’s going with this. But fuck, I’ve been holding this in for a while now. I try not to talk to Rooster about it—he doesn’t get it. All he wants is to drink and fuck. He doesn’t get that I don’t want that anymore. Hell, since Raven, there hasn’t been anyone else. I’ve never been dry this long, but every woman I look at has one major flaw—she’s not Raven.
“Does it matter how much I care about her?” I ask instead of admitting the truth. “I mean, she’s there and I’m here.”
“I know,” Michelle says. “The distance thing is a bitch. But I’ve never seen her with anyone else the way I saw her with you. And I know she tries to sound upbeat when I talk to her, but she’s putting on a show for the sake of everyone around her. For Ava’s sake too.”
“Ava,” I say. “Her daughter.”
Michelle nods and glances around us again.
“Look,” she says. “I’m not supposed to tell you this, but Raven won’t, and I think she’s making a mistake. Not only because you deserve to know, but because she deserves for you to step up and be the man she needs.”
I raise my eyebrows. What does she know about what I can offer Raven?
“Ava is yours.”
I stare at Michelle. “What?”
“You heard me. Raven didn’t tell you about her because Ava is your daughter.”
My ears start ringing. “That’s not possible.”
“No? Ava is five. Blonde hair, fn. Raven went to Paris when she found out she was pregnant. After she couldn’t get a hold of you. She set off to make a new life on her own.”
I shake my head. “No, that’s not right. She said that Ava’s dad left her.”
“Did she?” Michelle asks with a frown.
I go back to that fight, run over the words she said.
“Tell me you’re not married.”
“I’m not, but thanks for clearing up that I’m not a cheating bitch on top of everything.”
“Did he leave you?”
“Yes. He did.”
She never said anything about it being Ava’s dad, only that she’s not married. And I never answered because I had it all in my head one way. I heard what I wanted to hear.
I shake my head and scrub my hand down my face. “This makes no sense.” I think back to the first time we slept together—our connection had been incredible. And after that, I’d felt like a piece of shit because I didn’t get to live the life I wanted, I had to change degrees. When she called—repeatedly—I was irritated with the fling that wouldn’t get the picture.
I’m the one that didn’t get the picture, then. I’m starting to understand it now.
But something still doesn’t fit right.
I frown. “Why are you telling me this if she doesn’t want me to know?”
“She doesn’t want to disrupt the life you lead. Your career her, your life of fun. She’s very selfless, Noah. She’ll put everyone before herself. But she loves you. She’s never felt about someone the way she feels about you. We’ve been close for four years; I’ve seen her in a relationship.”
