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Michelle and Raven sit around the bonfire we built in the garden, laughing at Rooster’s jokes as he entertains them.
Natalie is in the kitchen, cleaning up.
“You don’t have to do this now,” I say.
“If I don’t do it now, I’m going to have to do it tomorrow. And that will be a lot worse.”
She’s washing dishes again, and I grab a dishrag and start drying. We’ve done this since we were teenagers, and it’s where we talk.
“How are things at work?” I ask. “Are you happy?”
“Happier than I’ve been at work in a long time,” Natalie says.
“You have no idea how happy that makes me, Nat.”
“I’m getting my first paycheck soon, and then everything changes. It’s more than double what I got before.”
I can’t believe what Raven and Michelle are paying Natalie when she tells me. Raven has looked out for Natalie since the moment they met, and it warms me that she’s such a caring person. She’s taking care of my family as if it’s her own. But this is her family now, too.
“How are the two of you doing?” Natalie asks. “You’re moving in with them, so I’m guessing it’s good.”
“It’s really good,” I say and put the plates I’ve dried in a stack to pack away all at once. “But I’m nervous.”
“About what?”
“Failing.”
Natalie shoots a glare at me. “Don’t you dare.”
I laugh. “I’m allowed to be nervous of failing, you know.”
“You’re not,” Natalie says, shaking her head. “For the first time, you’re exactly where you want to be. And that’s saying something. I’ve never seen you this relaxed and sure of what you want. And I’ve never seen you in full dad mode, either. It’s pretty awesome."
"What?” I laugh.
Natalie grabs another plate and washes it.
“I’m serious, you’re a great uncle to Kylie, but it’s different with Ava. Besides the fact that she looksexactlylike you, you and her are on a different level. It’s beautiful. After all that, you have nothing to be scared of.”
I sigh and nod. I know my sister is right, but I still wonder sometimes if I’m going to lose it all again. I know what it feels like to lose the biggest thing in my life. I had to deal with not going pro, and that hurt like a bitch. I spiraled for a long time.
If I lose Raven and Ava for any reason, I know I’m not going to just spiral. I won’t bounce back.
Period.
“How can you screw it up?” Natalie asks.
“I don’t know. I’m still getting used to being a dad. And Raven is so damn successful, it’s intimidating.” I laugh sheepishly. “It’s not that I’mnotsuccessful, but I want this to work out so bad. The team in Paris is great, but I don’t know the sport so well, and I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“You’ll learn,” Natalie says. “If I learned anything over the past decade, it’s that life throws shit at us all the time. It’s how we adapt that determines who we’ll be. You brought yourself back from the edge when you changed your degree and did something else than what you dreamed of as a kid. And now, you’ll learn how to do this. In no time at all, it will be all you know. And it will feel like it’s all there’s ever been.”
I nod. Natalie’s right. She’s always right.
“What about you?” I ask. “You’re not looking for love?”
She snorts. “I can’t eventhinkabout dating. Right now, I’m focusing on my career and on Kylie. I’m not ready to move on from David. I don’t mourn him every day anymore, but it will take a hell of a man to fill his shoes. And besides you,” she nudges me with her elbow since her hands are wet, “there just isn’t a guy I know who fits the bill.”
“I wish you’d find someone who can care for you, and you can care for in return,” I say. “I want for you what Raven and I have.”
