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Chapter 30
Natalie
I check my makeup in the mirror and take a deep breath. The green top is one I got from Michelle when she declared a fashion day at the office and handed out all kinds of clothing pieces that must have cost a fortune.
I love my job.
I’ve paired the top with a pair of black pants that looks more comfortable than it feels, but with kitten heels and my hair in a twist and pinned down, I feel almost like I can take on the night.
Almost.
I turn to the side and inspect my figure. There’s no sign of the bump yet. It won’t show for a while, still. I can keep it a secret for a few more months, but at some point, I’m going to have to tell them at the office. And I’m going to have to tell Kylie.
I don’t know how I’ll do that. She doesn’t really know I was seeing Mason, only that I went out on a date or two. I won’t want to have to talk about the birds and the bees if she asks about it.
But I guess that conversation will come either way.
I take a deep breath and it let out slowly, pulling myself together.
I wish I had someone here to support me. But I’m not the one who needs support—tonight is all about Sam.
When I’m sure I look okay, I leave the bathroom and join the party. Sam hired out a venue, and he has it all together. Music floats from speakers on the walls, a table with finger foods attracts a steady stream of guests, and everyone has made an effort to dress up a little. Not overly formal, because that would have been too much.
I know most of the people in this room. Once upon a time, they were all at David and my wedding. I haven’t seen many of them in the past five years.
Carol, David’s mom, comes to me.
“You look amazing, darling,” she says and squeezes my shoulders in a hug. “I don’t know what it is about you these days.”
My stomach twists when she says it.
“It’s nice of you to come to one of Sam’s events. I didn’t realize you were talking again.”
“It was time,” I say. “I can’t turn away from everyone who reminds me of David. Those memories…it’s what’s left of him now. I realized I should cherish them.”
Carol reaches for my hand and squeezes it, and we stand in silence for a while, just thinking about David and what it used to be like.
“Where’s Kylie?” Carol asks, changing the topic. She looks emotional, and she doesn’t want to cry in front of everyone.
“She’s staying over at a friend’s house,” I say. “I didn’t think this is the kind of event she would enjoy.”
“No, Sam’s business events can be so dull.”
I nod. She’ll figure out soon enough that it’s not quite a business event.
“I know he’s in some kind of partnership with Ben, so the man has to be here, but I don’t like him. At all. I wish Sam would run things on his own for a change. He’s more than capable.”
“He is,” I agree. “But he gets along with Ben, and we all need someone to support us when times get tough.”
Carol looks at me sympathetically. “I know what you mean.”
I swallow hard.
It’s not easy seeing everyone again now that David is gone. Everywhere I look, I see traces of him in the family that has come together. I miss him. In a way, I wish he were here. But it’s not the way it used to be. I don’t feel like I can’t move forward without him anymore. I miss him, but I’m not crippled without him.
The realization punches me in the gut.
I’m not crippled without him. Somewhere in the last few months, I’ve let go of him. I’ll never stop loving him. But I know he’ll never come back, and I won’t wither away without him anymore.
