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The fact that she’s not after a reputation or cash with her being in my life only adds to the million reasons why I’m starting to fall for her.
It’s terrifying that she has me feeling this way.
I lift my wine glass in a toast.
“To a great weekend,” I say.
“To aperfectweekend.”
We sip our wine before I set my glass down. My stomach twists, but I need to get this off my chest.
“I want to talk to you,” I say.
Rachel suddenly looks unsure. “About what?”
“About what’s happening between us,” I say. “I want you to be clear about who I am and where I stand.” It’s hard for me to put it into so many words. I’m not the type of man who likes to make any kind of commitment to a woman. But with Rachel, it’s different. I’m going to push through with my speech.
Rachel takes a sip of wine and nods. Her eyes have become guarded.
“The thing is, when I met you, I didn’t think this was going to happen.”
“Me either,” she says softly and traces the edge of her wine glass with her finger.
“Everything with you has been a surprise and of the best kind.”
She smiles and relaxes a little.
“You know who I am. I’m transparent with you, as much as I can be.” Rachel nods, so I keep going. Even though the words aren’t coming out right.I’m falling in love with you. Those are the words I want to say.
“But I want you to know that you’ve come to mean a lot to me. A lot more than I usually allow in my life.” Seriously? That’s the best I can do?
I put my hand on the table, and she takes it. Her hand is warm and I hope it will give me the strength I need to tell her what I really feel.
I want to see where we go with this. I want to try to defy the odds of my past with you.
“You’re everything I would want in life, and it's all in one wonderful person. Thank you for who you are and making this such a wonderful weekend.”
I stifle a groan. God, I’m pathetic. I can’t even tell her what’s real. But she’s glowing and I think maybe I said something right, at least.
“I’m the one that should thank you,” she says with a smile. “It’s been an incredible weekend so far.”
“And it’s not over yet,” I say.
Rachel nods and I can’t wait to sleep next to her again tonight. To wake up to her tomorrow morning. I’ve never wanted to share my space with someone. I’ve lived my whole life alone, and being alone becomes normal. I’ve found a rut that works for me.
But with Rachel by my side, it feels like this is the way it always should have been. And that makes me happy.
It terrifies me, too.
But most of all, it makes me happy.
These are the things you should tell her, asshole!But I can’t bring myself to say it.
Because I’m a pussy when it comes to love.
“Tell me about your life in France,” I offer, changing the topic. I feel like an idiot for not being able to say what I really mean. Luckily, she doesn’t know what it was meant to sound like.
The look on her face makes me think maybe she figured it out, anyway.
