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You’ve come to mean a lot to me. A lot more than I usually allow in my life.
Does that mean he’s in love with me? I don’t know anymore.
His words—and my emotions—haunt me. I can’t stop going over it and over it in my mind, trying to find the right words, trying to figure out what he was trying to say to me. I was so caught up in him… did I only hear what I wanted to hear and not what he was really saying?
Finally, instead of driving home, I turn the car around and drive to Blake’s place instead. The only way to figure out where we’re going and what’s going on between us is if he reassures me.
And after a great weekend, he can do that, can’t he?
Communication is everything. And if he could tell me he how feels once, he can do it again.
The doorman announces my arrival when I ask him to phone up, and Blake agrees to see me. I ride the elevator to the penthouse suite, and Blake waits at the front door for me, the way he has since the first time I came.
When I see him, he’s dashing as always. His distinguished features have been striking from the start. He’s not as uptight about seeing me as he was before. He leans casually against the doorpost, hands in his pockets. His face splits into a smile when he sees me.
“Hi,” I say and walk to him. I already feel better, now that I’m with him.
“You’re a sight for sore eyes, sweetheart.”
I warm at the pet name.
“Can we talk?” I ask after I plant a quick kiss on his lips.
“Sure,” Blake says and gestures for me to follow him into the house. We stand in the kitchen where we’ve stood before while he makes us two cups of coffee.
He tells me about something at work that I only partially hear. When I don’t respond and he falls into silence, he glances at me.
“Is everything okay?” The coffee machine finishes the cup and he hands it to me. I take it from him and watch him put the next cup under the nozzle for his coffee.
“Yeah, everything’s okay. I’m just…”
“What’s bugging you?” he asks.
Everything is so much easier with him than before—much less strained. This is a good sign, right?
“Where do we stand?” I ask.
“What?” Blake asks.
I rub the back of my neck. “We never really talked about where we’re going. Not in so many words.” At least, I don’tthink,but I’m not sure. “What’s happening between us?”
Blake’s shoulders stiffen and he concentrates on his cup as the machine fills it achingly slowly.
“I already told you how I feel about you.”
“You said you care about me. But you can care about a sister, too. Or about a best friend. Or about a colleague.”
“Is that what you think this is?” Blake asks with narrowed eyes.
I shrug. “I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking. We had a great time on the trip, but I want to know what happens now.”
Blake shakes his head. “I don’t know what’s going on. I thought we were okay.”
Wewereokay. Until Samantha made me doubt. Now, I can’t let it go, and I have a sinking feeling in my gut that I’m screwing this up somehow when it’s not necessary to push things.
“I just want to make sure we’re on the same page,” I say. “I mean, at the retreat, we were great, but it was removed from reality and a lot of it had to do with your colleagues and what they thought. I guess I’m just asking if we were playing into their mindset or if this is real. I can’t do a fling, or casual sex, or whatever else it might be if this isn’t serious.”
Blake doesn’t answer me. He picks up his cup, leans against the counter with his hip, and blows on his coffee before he takes a sip. He watches me over the rim of the cup. When he doesn’t fill the silence, I keep talking because what else am I supposed to do?
