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“Are you okay now, at least?” I ask. “You’re okay with money?”
“I don’t need anything from you,” she says, her eyes finally on me again. “I’ve done just fine alone all these years.”
She has; I can’t deny it. I don’t know how she survived my dad or how she’s on her own now. But she got here without me. It’s much the same as me getting to where I am without her.
We drink our coffee in strained silence. When my cup is empty, I set it down on the coffee table and stand.
Mom stands too.
“Here,” I say and hand her a business card. “You can call me anytime. And if you need me, I’ll be here. In a flash. Don’t hesitate.”
Mom takes the card from me and studies it before she glances up at me.
“I don’t think I’ll use it.”
“If you need to, you can,” I say again.
She nods and puts the card on the coffee table next to my cup.
“Where are you staying?” she asks.
“I’m going home. My flight is in a few hours.”
“You’re going straight back?”
I nod. Maybe, if she wasn’t so against me, I might have considered staying in town. Or even here on her couch. But she doesn’t want me around; that much is clear.
“I have work to do,” I say. “But I’m only a plane trip away.”
Mom only nods, and I take that as my cue to leave. There’s nothing else to say. I want to tell her that I’m sorry. I want to ask for her forgiveness. But I doubt she’ll give it to me.
I walk to the car and get in. When I drive off, she’s still on the porch, looking after me. My heart twists, and I wish I had what it takes to turn around and go back, to say my piece even if she throws it back in my face.
I just don’t know how to act. It’s easier to walk away than to climb this mountain.
It’s always been like that, I left the first time, and I’m doing it again.
But I’m not wrong for doing it, I tell myself. I was right to save myself, and I can’t help if she doesn’t want me now.
Although the thought of it twists in my gut, making me feel sick.
Chapter 22
Rachel
The doorman is always happy to see me when I arrive at Blake’s apartment building. He knows me by now. I should feel flattered, but it's bittersweet. Everything about our relationship feels weird. I know what I feel for Blake, but I don’t know where we stand and that scares me more than anything. And now, standing here so the doorman can call up and check with Blake that he wants to see me, I feel a twist in my gut that this man is so nice to me when I feel like I might not belong.
“You can go up in a moment,” he says when he hangs up the phone.
“Thanks.”
“Is everything okay?”
I blink at him. The doorman just asked me if everything’s okay.
“Fine,” I say to him.
He raises his eyebrows. “Mr. Ford can be a tough customer, but you’re the first woman he doesn’t pay to come around here as often as you do.”
