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“Oh,” Emma says, and she looks frantically between the two of us. “You haven’t told her.”
“No, he doesn’t seem to want to talk to me,” I say. “I guess that’s my cue.”
I spin around and storm toward the door. My eyes sting with unshed tears and my throat swells shut. When I reach the elevator, I hammer the button. The elevator isn’t here to come to my aid and sweep me away this time. I keep pushing the button, but the doors don’t slide open.
“Rachel,” Blake says right behind me. He followed me out. “Don’t leave like this.”
I bark a bitter laugh. “Yeah? Because you’re not done talking?”
He shakes his head. “It’s just not a good time, okay?”
“Yeah, because of your mom. Got it.” I hammer the button again, giving in to smashing it with my fist. My insides twist and turn and I feel sick to my stomach.
“Please,” Blake adds.
I spin around and face him, furious now. “Please, what? Please stay? What’s the fucking point? Looks like you have your buddy in there now, so you can share all the shit you’re feeling with her. Don’t let me stand in your way of actually having a heart-to-heart with someone.”
“I went to see my mom,” Blake starts.
“And Emma knows all about it.”
“She’s my best friend.”
“Sure,” I say. Where is the damn elevator? “Friend… or whatever.”
Blake frowns. “I told you, we’re not together.”
“Yeah, you said that. But she’s the one who knows what goes on in your life, she’s there for you, she visits you all the time—”
“For training sessions.”
“Yeah, fine. So you work out while you’re having your chats. That’s nice. I can’t imagine how you could ever do something like that with me.”
“You’re being sarcastic,” Blake says.
I throw my hands up in the air. “Yeah! I’m being sarcastic. Because I’m angry. And hurt. Ifeelsomething. Which is a hell of a lot more than you can manage, clearly. Did you think I wasn’t going to listen if you told me about your mom? Did you think that it doesn’t matter? I don’t need to know? God, you could have told me that’s what’s going on, that you’re not in a good space. Instead, you make me feel like I’m just a waste of your time, like you’d rather be anywhere other than with me.”
Blake shakes his head and he looks like he’s slowly unraveling. But I’m too angry to care.
“Since you told me about your past, I’ve been trying to figure out how I can meet you halfway,” I admit. “I’ve been taking into account that you’ve been through a rough time and I’ve decided I care enough about you that I want to figure this shit out with you. I want to be there for you. But you know what? I’ve been through a lot, too. And I have a lot going on, too. And you’re not there for me when I need it. Hell, you don’t even let me be there for you. Because you’re too shit scared of… I don’t even know what it is you’re scared of.”
“You know what I’m worried about,” Blake says flatly.
“Yeah, that you’ll hurt me. Well, you know what? You can hurt someone without doing anything at all. You don't have to raise a finger. You can just be a distant son of a bitch and not try from your end.”
I glare at Blake while he digests my words.
The elevator door finally pings and slides open, and I step in.
“I don’t know what’s going on with you—and not talking to me doesn’t help it—so find me when you’re ready to talk to me about it. I like you, Blake. A lot. And I don’t take how I feel about someone lightly. But what matters just as much as how someone makesmefeel. Chew on that. Discuss it with yourfriendin there. And once you figure out what the hell you want, you can let me know.”
The doors slide closed before Blake can respond, and it’s satisfying that I got the last word in.
But before I reach the lobby, I burst out in tears.
When I walk through the lobby and toward the parking lot, sniveling as I go, the doorman doesn’t make eye contact with me. Yeah, he doesn’t have anything to say now when things clearly haven’t gone the way they should have.
I climb into my car and drive home. I want to take a shower and reapply my makeup so that I can meet a potential client for a consultation. Beth Callahan arranged a meeting so I could help her redo her wardrobe.
