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Scottie nodded and pursed his lips together. “Okay.”
Craig and Sam had already piled their plates up high and were sitting in their usual spots. Nearly everyone was seated too by the time Phil made his way back to me after pouring Nan a glass of chilled water. He wouldn’t know it, but Nan never drank it chilled. It hurt her teeth too much, so she always went for the pitcher with the room temperature water in it. Another thing he wasn’t to know, but the effort he was putting in with Nan was heartening.
It didn’t make me feel any more comfortable though. If anything, I didn’t want to be there, and that was squarely my problem. I just couldn’t picture this becoming a regular thing. I wondered for half a second whether it would be as uncomfortable with his parents and I dismissed the idea. There was no way in hell I was doing that. No chance I was going to meet his parents. I definitely wasn’t at that point. When would I be? I had no idea. I smoothed down my dress again, hating how wearing it made me feel—like an insecure, uncertain teenager.
That therein was the issue. I was uncertain. I had no idea what I was supposed to do. What was the protocol for a date visiting the station? Did I fill up his plate? Did I tell him to sit and wait on him? He was perfectly capable of doing it himself. So, I did nothing. I waited for him to return to me and then passed him a plate and the tongs. He could dish it up himself while I did mine.
I froze mid-step when I saw his eyes dart around the table and his lips purse, his gaze hardening at the back corner. It was where I normally sat. Between Sam and Craig. Oh shit. I’d set the table like normal, meaning the only empty seats weren’t next to each other. One was between Craig and Sam and the other was directly across from it. I should have shifted my setting over to the other side so I could sit next to him, but nerves and pure force of habit had made me set the places in the same way I always did. We always put visitors across from Sam, Craig and me. But he wasn’t supposed to be an ordinary visitor. He was supposed to be my date.
This time it wasn’t a desire to hide, but nerves that were clawing in my belly. I hesitated again and Phil nudged me forward with a hand to my lower back. His gaze hadn’t left Sam’s, who was staring him down with an amused quirk on his lip. Craig wasn’t even fazed. He had his free arm resting on the chair I normally sat on while he swapped his glass with Nan’s, giving her the tap water.
“So…,” Phil asked expectantly with an unimpressed purse to his lips. “Where do you want me?”
“I’ll move the setting.” I picked up my cutlery and placemat one-handed and reset it next to his as he sat down. The grin on Phil’s lips was more of a sneer. A baring of teeth that was as much about Craig and Sam as it was about me. I didn't like the dick-measuring competition he had going on with them. I didn't like being on edge or constantly second guessing myself, and in the five minutes we’d all been together, I’d managed to do all of it.
Nan passed over my glass and smiled encouragingly at me, but I was already counting down the minutes until it was over. It was going to be a hell of a long night.
And it was.
Nan tried to include Phil in the discussions, but Phil got quieter as the night wore on. Then Craig told him about what we’d done the day before, going to check on a bore that didn’t seem to be working properly. We’d stopped by the billabong to see whether there was any water left in it, but it was a puddle. He’d told Phil about going swimming there but warned him about the crocs.
Scottie laughed and between breaking bites off the bread roll he was eating told Phil about our childhood trips to the billabong. “I used to scare Ally when she was little with stories about monster crocs in the billabong. There aren’t any for kays, but a five-year-old doesn’t know that.”
“A bloke in his twenties doesn’t know that either when they’re not from around here.” Craig pointed his fork at me and with a twinkle in his eyes added, “You got us good that day, but the swim afterwards was fun.”
I laughed, more of a huff of self-consciousness than anything else, and tried not to flush thinking about that swim. Sam and Craig naked.
“Going for a swim sounds like fun.” Phil turned to me, resting his cutlery on his empty plate. “Maybe you could teach me how to ride tomorrow. We could go visit the billabong.”
I shook my head and smiled sympathetically at him, thankful for the out. “Ah, no. It’s a fair ride—too long for a beginner. You won’t be able to move if I made you ride for that long.” I motioned around the table. “We’ve been riding all our lives so it’s no big deal for us to spend the day in the saddle, but you won’t be able to walk after a few hours. I’d offer to take the ute out there, but the billabong is almost dry. We haven’t had any rain here to replenish it for ages.”
“Oh. Yeah, I suppose you have smaller water sources than we do in town. Makes sense.”
Conversation after that kind of died out as we finished up dinner and Ma dished up baked apples and homemade ice cream for dessert. The sounds of cutlery clinking against bowls were soon over and Sam and Craig got up to clear the table.
Phil was staying the night in the guesthouse, and I took the opportunity to show him to it. With his overnight bag on the floor by the bed, he eyed it and looked at me. It was an open invitation, one that I wasn’t sure if I wanted to take up. I knew that once I’d slept with him, he would want to make things more serious. He’d made it clear that he had his future mapped out and was now looking for a woman to slot in beside him. At least I could stall my decision.
“Scottie will be setting up the bonfire. We should join them.”
He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes, and he followed me out. It was awkward between us now, but the night wasn’t beyond saving. I just didn’t know whether whatever relationship we had was. At least Phil had seemed keen on the bonfire when Scottie suggested it. It was as good a chance as any to distract Phil from Sam and Craig.
Phil immediately went to Scottie over at the woodpile when we walked outside. They had few things in common, but Scottie had at least made an effort to ask Phil about his job and what things he enjoyed doing. Phil seemed to be gravitating to him now, which was good. It left me with a little breathing space. There were things about Phil that I genuinely liked, and I needed to remind myself of that. He was considerate and made an effort. He was romantic too. Small gestures that I had never even considered were important to him. Things like tasting the wine before accepting the bottle and asking for a table in a more private area. He’d said that he wanted to show me that I deserved the best, and he was trying to be that. But he didn’t slot in here in my space, and I knew that if we were to take it further, I’d be the one going to him. I doubted he’d make the trip out to the station again, and I wasn’t sure if I was relieved or disappointed.
Scottie’s awkward attempts at being sociable got a little easier while he and Craig were building the fire. Scottie had chopped up a few logs and tossed them into the pit, getting halfway inside before calling out and offering Phil a drink. While Craig made a mound of smaller twigs and bark, Scottie dashed inside and returned with a bottle of ginger beer for Phil and the lighter. This time, I didn’t even feel bad that it wasn’t me asking whether Phil wanted a drink.
Sam wrapped his arm around me, and I leaned into him, watching their interactions. Phil said something to Scottie and Craig shook his head, rolling his eyes. Scottie pointed to the stumps on the ground and Phil’s eyes widened before he chuckled. Even I could tell it was forced. “Wow. He really doesn’t do the outdoors, does he?” Sam looked down to me and met my glare with a quirk of his lips. “Sorry, not my place to say anything about him.” His gaze travelled over my face and down my body, lighting me up inside. When his tongue darted out to wet his bottom lip and he tilted my chin up to meet his gaze again, my breath caught. The searing heat, the naked desire in his stare stole my breath. It didn’t matter to my body though. It was as if he’d flicked a switch inside me, leaving me a quivering pile of wanton need with just a heated look from those soulful browns. I involuntarily pressed closer to him, even though I knew it was so very wrong. His long-term secret partner was only a few metres away from us. Oh, and my date too.
I shook myself out of it. That right there was the very definition of stupidity. I’d repeated the same mantra to myself for years. Don’t fall for the gay guys. I’d failed. But now I was deluding myself into thinking that his… annoyance maybe, derision perhaps, was desire.
Sam cleared his throat and my gaze was drawn to those pouty lips that I would do almost anything to kiss. No! To watch Craig kiss. “Can I tell you that you look beautiful?”
Struck dumb, I nodded.
“Well then, you look beautiful. He’s a lucky guy.”
An hour later and Scottie had retired, leaving Phil and me, Craig and Sam around the fire. They’d wrapped me in a blanket to ward off the cold of the autumn night and ducked inside to make me a Milo when I was still shivering. Phil awkwardly wrapped an arm around me but hadn’t made any further moves. It surprised me, but at the same time I was glad he was getting the idea that I just wasn’t feeling it. I supposed my backing away from the bed earlier had given him enough of a hint. I wasn’t averse to sex—it’d been a damn long time since I’d had any—but it was hard to get excited about the prospect of getting naked with him when I was struggling to get past the notion of him being well… nice.
That was the issue.
