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“Pretty late, actually. I did all the stereotypical things masc boys do, but as a teenager, I never felt comfortable in my own skin. Then I was channel surfing one night and ended up watching the Sydney Mardi Gras. Right then I knew. All the pieces that I couldn't make fit and didn't understand about myself suddenly slotted into place. Ma took a bit to get used to the idea, but Dad just smiled at me and told me it'd taken me long enough to figure it out. I was twenty.”
Will placed his free hand on Eddie’s hairless chest and stroked him there, loving the smooth skin that met his touch. He couldn’t get enough of exploring him, but it wasn’t sexual. Not entirely anyway. Will wanted to get close to him. To press himself against every inch of Eddie’s body and take his time to explore.
“Is your mum okay with you now?” Eddie’s concern—the furrowed brow and the way he bit down on his bottom lip—was touching.
“Yeah. She tried to say I was mistaking my attraction for men because there were so many half-dressed women there. It wasn’t that, though. When I let myself look, really just let go and watch, it occurred to me that the women didn’t hold my attention. It was the men. I couldn’t keep my eyes off them. It was as if I’d adjusted the focus, and I could finally see clearly. I was anything but confused.” Will huffed out a laugh and grinned at Eddie. “I told Ma if I was just distracted by the half-naked women, I wouldn't be imagining sucking cock.”
Eddie barked out a laugh and scandalized, whisper-shouted, “You did not. No way.” The glint in his eyes and his bright smile took Will’s breath away.
“I did.” Will’s voice was rougher than normal, but he cleared his throat and continued. “My parents are pretty open about sex. They always told us to ask any question we wanted to know and then, later on, insisted that when we were dating someone, we bring them home instead of going somewhere unsafe. I'd been with a few women, but it wasn’t exactly mind-blowing. Never anything like my friends raved about. I thought there was something wrong with me. Back then, we didn’t really have terms for being asexual or demi. But it wasn’t so much that. I'd just been looking at the wrong people. When I let myself think about who I found attractive, I finally admitted it wasn’t women. It was men.” Will shook his head at himself, remembering how confused he’d been as a teenager. “I was so completely clueless.”
A shudder of need passed through Will when Eddie rubbed his foot along the length of his calf.
“I was a bit the same, but far younger—I was like twelve. My bestie and I were talking about which boys we wanted to kiss, and the brother of our mutual crush overheard us. Didn’t go down well, but we were both okay in the end. Few bumps and bruises.” His words were flippant, but a haunted look flashed in his eyes. Will drew him closer, wishing he could protect Eddie from the arseholes he’d clearly encountered. Will had never been picked on—he’d always been a jock. He hadn’t played traditional sports himself, but he’d been active in the sailing club, surfing, and surf boat rowing. If it was on the water, he was doing it. It made him popular with both guys and girls.
“We didn’t really see what the problem was—Jess is bi so she liked girls and we both liked boys—but everyone else did. I was picked on at first for being a dancer, then for being a faggot. I didn’t even know what that was, but everyone was pretty quick to throw it around. It was like the go-to insult. But Mum and Dad were great. Dad told me how much he loved me, and Mum talked terminology. She gave me the words to describe myself, and we called a helpline, so I knew I wasn’t alone. Then they marched in every pride parade with me. This will be the first year I won’t be there, but they’re sending photos.”
“We’re lucky we've both had supportive families. What about dancing? How'd you get into it?”
“A bit like you with water. I was dancing before I could walk. Music has always spoken to a part of my soul. When I was a toddler, I’d put on concerts for my family and make everyone watch me while I twirled around. I even had the tutu. When I was four, Dad asked me if I wanted to play football like my older brother, but I told him ballet. Then, later on, I added hip-hop and dance gymnastics. I haven’t looked back.” He paused and smiled fondly. “I’ve been dancing for twenty years now.”
“So you’re twenty-four?” Shit. Will had known there was a big age gap between them, but he had no idea it was that big. Will looked at where his hand brushed over Eddie’s chest and swallowed. He loved seeing it there, but he was far too old for him. It wasn’t like he felt his age, but still….
“Okay, now you look panicked. What’s the problem? I’m legal everywhere.” He smirked. But it didn’t make Will feel any better.
“I’m forty-three. I’m probably the same age as your father.” Will grimaced, pulling away from him.
“Two years older, actually.” At Will’s horror, Eddie cackled and reached for his hand, squeezing it. “God, you should see the look on your face right now. Dad turns fifty-five this year. Like I said, older siblings. But even if you were older than him, it doesn’t matter. We’ve got enough in common that our ages haven’t been a problem so far. It’s just a number. I like a silver fox anyway.” He raised his fingertips to Will’s face and gently scratched his beard, then touched his temples. Will’s heart beat a staccato rhythm with his soft touch. “Do you have any grey besides here? Because seriously, I’d love on you so hard if you were a full silver fox.” Will blushed and looked away. “Oh my God, you do, don’t you? Your beard? Chest hair?” Will looked down self-consciously and nodded. He’d noticed a few grey hairs coming through a couple of months earlier, and he’d been tossing up whether to wax it ever since.
Eddie pushed him to his back, straddled him, and leaned over to the lamp, bringing up the light in the room. Will’s hands went to his hips, and he sucked in a breath when Eddie leaned down and dropped a few light kisses on his chest and licked his nipple, lining up their cocks at the same time. Eddie's moan had Will squirming under him, and as his fingers tightened around Eddie’s hips, he ground his teeth. Forcing himself not to rock against Eddie, Will’s mind whited out when the other man whispered in his ear, “I want to make love to you, Will. I want to make you shout my name when you come. I want to explore everything that you like and love, and I can’t wait to do it, but as much as I can’t wait, I’m forcing myself to. I want more with you than a one-night stand.”
Any uncertainty Will had in being with him dissolved—his position, their age gap, everything—and he wrapped his hand around Eddie’s nape and brought their mouths together. Their kiss was ravenous, desperate as they let the chemistry between them ignite into an inferno. The way his tongue stroked Will’s, the way Eddie’s lips melded to his were heady. Intoxicating. Will was already addicted. Want and need slammed into him, and he ached to get closer. Will didn’t care whether Eddie was over him or under him as long as they moved together until they couldn’t figure out where each of them ended, and the other began.
His body, tight and small against Will’s more muscular frame, was so utterly sexy. Lean and strong, compact and so fluid in his movements, the simple thrust of his hips against Will’s as Eddie ground down, dragging their dicks together had Will arching into his touch. Will’s cock was hard, throbbing under Eddie’s weight.
Never mind waiting. Will wanted it all, and he wanted it now. But the whispered promise of more was a temptation he couldn’t ignore. He hadn’t been looking, but now that he’d stumbled across someone who called to him on a level beyond just sex, it was difficult to walk away from the possibility. Except that the need to touch him and let him touch Will amplified, multiplying exponentially until it was all he could focus on.
Eddie pulled away and rested his forehead against Will’s. Out of breath, he groaned when Eddie rocked his hips again, and their hard shafts slid alongside each other through the thin fabric of their underwear. “Push me off you, or I won’t be able to stop.”
Eddie’s words made him stall in the best possible way. The echo of more in Will’s head grew louder. Eddie had heard him. He’d listened and understood exactly what Will needed. And he respected him, not trying to push boundaries.
It took every speck of willpower Will had, but he rolled them to the side, and with their legs still tangled and arms wrapped around each other, Will breathed deeply. He palmed his dick, adjusting himself, and moaned, “Fuuuck.”
“Tell me about your ex,” Eddie rasped, killing Will’s boner in an instant. His eyes popped open, and he looked at Eddie incredulously.
“Way to kill the mood,” Will muttered.
“I had to do something. You moaning like that and touching yourself? Fuck, I nearly came in my pants.” He ran his fingers through Will’s chest hair, making him arch into Eddie’s whisper-soft stroking. He felt so damn good; it was as if Eddie was electrifying Will’s skin with every brush of his fingertips.
“You really want to talk about him?” When he nodded, Will sighed. “I met him on one of my days off when I was working out of the US. We both lived in Seattle. I’d dock there all the time, and we’d see each other for a few hours every week or so. Because of where I was sailing—along the West Coast—we could speak all the time. We did a lot of video chatting too. He was a diva, but I liked fussing over him, so it didn’t bother me. I should have stayed the hell away from him.” Will shook his head and scrubbed a hand over his face. “I worked for three months, then had a few weeks off. I only went home once a year, so during my downtime, I’d stay at my apartment. We lived around the corner from each other—we met at the coffee shop near my place. We’d been seeing each other for a while when I tried to clarify that we were exclusive. He’d said something that night that made me think he’d been seeing someone else, but he swore he hadn’t. Then in the same breath, he told me it wasn’t necessary to promise exclusivity to each other. When I pushed, he caved and finally agreed. That should have been my second warning. During my next break a few months later, we were drunk and in Vegas for the weekend with friends. I don’t even remember who suggested we get married, but that was it. We did the whole Elvis chapel thing and were married that night. Ma and Dad were furious. There I was, on the other side of the world dating a man they’d never met—never really even liked if I’m being honest—and suddenly we were married.
“My contract with the cruise company ended a few months later, and I got a job with Dream Liner. I was working out of Sydney and flying to the US on my breaks. Mum and Dad were meeting me in Sydney one day, but they had to cancel, and I managed to get a last-minute change to my ticket. I went home early and found him in bed with another man. I packed my stuff, filed for divorce, and got the hell out of there. I haven’t spoken to him since.”
“What a bastard,” Eddie fumed. His loyalty was noble but no longer necessary. It had taken Will a long time to get over Stefan’s betrayal. But a lot of good had come out of their divorce too. His relationship with his parents and siblings was repaired, and he was happy. He hadn’t realized how unhappy he’d been until he’d found himself alone and could rediscover himself.
“Don’t waste the energy hating him. I’m better off without him. What about you? Tell me about Henri.”
He laughed, but it held no humour. “I was starstruck. And young and dumb. He was the lead, and I was a newbie dancer on set. He refused to tell anyone we were together because he said it damaged the fantasy of him being attainable. He wouldn’t even let me stay the night. I caught a woman leaving his townhouse one night, and I could smell her perfume on him. I confronted him, and he admitted sleeping with her. In fairness to him, we’d never agreed to be exclusive. I just assumed it.” Eddie slowly stroked his fingertips down Will’s chest, looking lost in his thoughts. Will doubted he was even aware of what he was doing, the move one of comfort more than arousal. “After we split, there were more men than I care to count. One after another who were just like Henri. The same thing happened over and over. We’d hook up, I’d want more, and they’d walk away. Henri hurt me the most.” Eddie sighed and looked down, no longer meeting Will’s eyes. “I thought I was in love with him.” Eddie shook his head and smiled sadly. “Bastard took advantage of me being so idealistic.” Then his smile became more genuine. “Jess saw a pattern forming and complained that she needed a personal trainer because of all the ice cream we were eating after my breakups. I was spiralling, constantly miserable and she begged me to get out. I’d seen it too, and I never wanted to be one of those lads who moved onto a new boyfriend with every show, but that’s what was happening. I had to get out of West End. I’m too much of a bloody romantic to keep that up for long. I loved it—the performances, the lights, the stage, the crowds—but it was a toxic environment for me.”
