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So why was he remembering the distinct feeling of jealousy? Why was he running through their interaction from start to finish, knowing that he’d been envious? It had slithered through him like a poison, stirring the waters until they were murky.
He closed his eyes and replayed the morning. Playing catch, the car pulling up, his feet carrying him to them, heat as he watched them kiss, a desire to touch, awareness of Adelaide—the realization that he’d been privileged enough to watch the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen grow up. Want. Shaking hands and the spark of energy that had ignited, staring at Kingston’s eyes and getting lost in those deep tranquil pools of still waters. Adelaide’s fire. Lij reaching out.
A growl erupted from his chest, a possessive, feral sound.
Oh, fuck. He had been jealous. Of Lij. When he touched Kingston. Liam wanted to do it. He’d never wanted to let go of the man’s hand to begin with. He’d held on, squeezing and savouring the cool, rough palm in his.
Liam’s eyes shot open. His world had tipped again. But this time, it righted itself. He was no longer teetering on a tight rope. It was as if his feet had returned to solid ground. He could see clearly, a veil having been lifted from his eyes. Kingston had shown him that he wanted Addy. He’d shone a light on her beauty in the way he kissed her, the gentle touch and reverent caress of her skin.
But then his eyes had been opened again. Lij had reached out and shaken Kingston’s hand. He hadn’t been jealous of Kingston with Adelaide. Not at all. The man had captured his attention and confused the fuck out of Liam, but he hadn’t been jealous of him. No, the jealousy had been reserved for Lij. Even thinking back on the way their hands had clasped together innocently in a simple handshake had Liam’s muscles tensing and his teeth grinding together. He was readying to fight, to aggressively defend his territory. But defend it against whom? His laid-back, go-with-the-flow, introverted best mate? Adelaide’s brother? The one man who’d never want the woman he’d apparently been blinded to before that morning, and the man she had on her arm?
And why was he even including Kingston in the equation? It wasn’t like he was attracted to men. But Liam couldn’t deny that his possessiveness extended to the man. Was it a recognition that he and Addy were a package deal? Perhaps. But it still seemed outlandish, surreal even, because that instinct to fight—to defend what was his, despite them not being his at all—was far more than a simple acknowledgement that Addy and Kingston were together. This was want and desire, although for what he didn’t know. There wasn’t enough alcohol in the world to figure out how far he dared let his imagination run, and drinking until his inhibitions fled certainly wasn’t something he could do in the middle of the season.
The quiet of the evening settled over him like a heavy cloud. He was alone, the quiet a constant companion. It was a dangerous reminder of how disconnected he was to his family—something he never liked to dwell on—when he was already so precariously unbalanced. It wasn’t like Lij to leave Liam to his own devices on his one day off that week. They’d spent his free day together for as long as he remembered. The niggling voice of his conscience asked why he hadn’t gone to their house after he’d finished sulking. Liam couldn’t give any form of satisfactory answer to that question. The most honest answer, though, was that he wasn’t sure if he was ready. But silence reminded him of his parents and that always hit him hard. It played games with his mind and tended to attack him like a coward punch to the back of the head.
Liam knew his hatred of silences was fear manifesting—fear of losing the people who loved him. He loved how Lij could happily retreat to his room and be perfectly content by himself or with the small group of people he let into his inner circle. Liam was the opposite. He needed people around him and the sense of inclusion that gave him. Anyone who knew anything about him would label it as a fear of abandonment, and it totally was. But that was Liam.
He closed his eyes again, determined to enjoy the silence for once in his life. Shuffling down on the chair, he spread his legs and rested his head against the back, the tide of sleep slowly rising. Adelaide’s smile against Kingston’s lips flashed in his mind’s eye. Yeah, that was more like it—thinking about a beautiful woman in his arms. He dropped his hands in his lap, adjusting the bulge of his semi. He could imagine them together too. Her delicate hands balancing her weight as she rode him, her breasts bouncing as she rocked her hips taking him deep.
Liam shifted and a symphony of ecstasy-filled moans filled the air. Kingston hit a sensitive spot inside her and Liam kissed her, their tongues tangling as he brushed his thumb over her nipple. Adelaide broke the kiss, panting, and Liam licked a path down her throat to her breast, latching onto her pert nipple. He shuddered, warm lips closing around his cock. The suction was enough to send him cross-eyed. He moaned, thrusting into the wet heat as he tasted Addy’s dewy skin. In the dim light, he reached out, running his fingertips over the curve of her spine down to her waist and the swell of her arse. Sweat-slicked skin slid under his fingertips. Gooseflesh appeared as he chased the path with his tongue. His cock slipped free from the other man’s mouth and—
Liam sucked in a breath and scrambled to sit up. He was awake. Very awake.
His heart pounded against his ribcage. Oh God. Oh fuck. What the hell? A threesome would be hot, especially with two people as gorgeous as the woman next door… and maybe her beau too. But what did it mean? Sure, he could see himself having a threesome with multiple women, but since when did another man factor into the equation. It hadn’t ever before. But bloody hell, the visual was the hottest thing he’d ever conjured up.
He sighed. Nothing could ever happen between them, and the sooner he stopped fantasizing about it, the better off he’d be. Addy was dating Kingston. Liam was best mates with her brother and... and that was it. It had to be it. He couldn’t afford to even risk thinking about more when he would lose everything as a result.
He rubbed his eyes, shock still pulsing around in his body. He pulled his sweats away from his erection, adjusting himself. The wet patch from the steady stream of pre-cum was a sticky mess against his leg. “You stupid thing. Now you’re gonna get interested? When she has a boyfriend?” Unsurprisingly his dick didn’t answer, but the sliver of want that passed through him when he thought about them together centred there. “Couldn’t have been when we were teenagers, could it? I could have at least blamed being drunk and stupid then. And what the fuck? A dude?”
Kingston definitely weaved some kind of magic. Something that drew Liam in as if he was on a lead. The man had an inner spark that lit him up, and it had captured Liam’s attention. And apparently that of his dick too.
He needed to keep reminding himself Addy was out of reach. Echoes of his parents’ voices in his head made the rum slosh around in his belly.You’re not good enough. Do better. Be better. Try harder. More, more, more.
Story of his life.
But even if he was good enough, it still wouldn’t help.
He’d been one of the best a couple of years earlier—the winger with the most impressive stats for the season. People were watching him, praising him. It had been… nice. To be noticed and recognized as being good for once. But it was nothing more than being a big fish in a little pond. Australia’s rugby league talent pool was deep. Lij had told him over and over that he should be proud of his efforts, but it never rang true for him. He put getting into the pro-league down to a fluke—he was in the right place at the right time to be seen by the scout. He’d worked hard to make the people he loved proud, but it was never enough. Not really.
Then he thought his life had changed. He thought he’d finally achieved something to really write home about.
Liam would never forget the night his agent called. He’d been lying on the couch at Lij’s house as they watched a movie together. Addy was on the floor closest to him passing the popcorn between them, and Lij had the armchair. His phone rang and Lij paused the movie. He would have blown it off, but his agent only called when it was important. The news she’d delivered had floored him. An offer from one of the top French teams. Addy hadn’t been impressed by him even then. She’d walked out in a huff, dumping the giant bowl of popcorn on the floor.
She’d been right not to be impressed. Moving was so much more of an adjustment than he’d expected. Deferring the degree he was already failing had come as a relief, but leaving his friends was tough. Maybe there was a part of him even then that had recognized walking away from Addy and Lij wasn’t a good idea. Playing was… a challenge. One he hadn’t lived up to.
He'd been scooped from the pond he was used to playing in and dumped into the ocean and Liam simply was not equipped to swim in it.
The season had only just started when it all turned to shit. It snowballed from there, like a dung beetle’s giant ball of crap growing and gathering in speed until it crashed. The resulting fallout was reminiscent of a sewer exploding.
He’d blamed the language barrier. Calls were made in rapid-fire French, but there wasn’t a whole lot of conversation on the field. Looking back, he could see that he hadn’t trusted his instincts. His confidence had taken a battering and the voices in his head that he could usually silence grew louder and louder. He got stuck in there, overthinking everything rather than letting instinct rule his plays. He’d trained hard and played harder, but it was no use. The tragedy was that he’d psyched himself out of winning before he’d even walked onto the field.
The team was welcoming, but he couldn’t settle. He couldn’t let his walls down and trust them when he he’d been so alone. He knew it was a chicken and egg situation—he’d needed to trust them to be there to catch him to give them an opportunity to prove they were trustworthy. But he’d failed. He hadn’t gelled with the team and their plays reflected that. The passes between them were stilted, and even after months of gruelling work, they’d never found their groove. As much as he’d wanted to ace his season abroad and extend it out to a few years, his stats had consistently dropped. In the end, the team was reluctant to renew his contract and Liam had been grateful for the out.
He’d been homesick. Desperate to come home and see the people that mattered to him more than anyone else—Lij and his family. He'd missed all of them and was constantly scrolling their feeds on social media for updates. Even just for photos. Liam hadn’t expected to miss Addy as much as Lij, but he had. When he found her Patreon, he’d sat and watched far too many hours of her talking and joking around, teaching him something new every week. He had a new respect for her when he’d seen them. She was quirky and insightful, and her blunt honesty was refreshing. The way she viewed the world inspiring.
Going home and seeing her again was weird though. He’d wanted to tell her that he’d missed her too, but there was a mental block. He couldn’t and had no idea why, other than he didn’t want Lij to get the wrong idea. The whole debacle just served to highlight that he didn’t really belong anywhere except on the outskirts.
The winter breeze held a crispness that shook off the last of his dream-filled nap. He swiped at his phone’s screen, bringing up the email from the team’s player liaison. Deej had come across from a Sydney team while Liam was in France and got along with everyone. Importantly, he knew how to manage a bunch of overgrown man-children like himself. He seemed like a good bloke, but at the moment, he was Liam’s least favourite person.
