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The knock at the door startled Adelaide. Two people slipped in. Why were they there? Surely they were in the wrong place. Adelaide swallowed and her eyes darted from the newcomers to her instructors who had stood and were murmuring hellos to them. They rolled out yoga mats and sat next to the other students.
If the instructors were inviting extra people in the room to throw her off, they were going to be sorely disappointed. Adelaide squared her shoulders, raised her chin, and pushed ahead with her workshop. She had structured hers differently to the others. They’d begun with a presentation. She was starting with a question and answer session. But first, the image. The projector beamed the black-and-white photo. A woman in the foreground, chin resting on her clasped hands. Reluctance radiated off her in her turned-down lips and the haunch of her shoulders. The background was blurred, but another person was clearly visible lying down, head resting on pillows.
“Good afternoon, everyone. Thank you for coming along. For this session I’m going to do something a little different. I’d like you all to spread out a little. Get comfortable. Feel free to sit or stand, lie down if that’s best for you.” The students shifted around, spreading out over the rubber mats. The latecomers moved too, both sitting away from the others. She smiled at them, nodded in acknowledgement.
She would get to introductions in a moment. Their entrance actually highlighted a point she wanted to make. But it would be better made if she waited. So, first, there was some introspection that she wanted her fellow students to focus on. “Look at this photograph. Study it. Without giving us your answers, think about whether you see yourself in either of the foreground or background positions.”
She scanned the room, noting a nod and a tilted head. She saw one student look away, his Adam’s apple dip as he swallowed. She kept her voice even, her tone and pace relaxing. Adelaide was aiming for her audience to almost go into a meditative state. “Close your eyes and catalogue your physical reactions to the image. What physical sensations are you experiencing? From the weight of your hair on your head, to the expressions on your face. Is your jaw, neck, shoulders, or back tense? Do you feel your core muscles or your intimate zones? What about your buttocks, legs, and feet? Your arms and your hands? What is your breathing like? Focus on that photograph in your mind’s eye and feel the physical reaction your body is having.”
While she spoke, she watched. Catalogued how the woman who’d entered the room late shifted, planting her feet on the floor a shoulder width apart while cowering at the same time. It was a classic fight-or-flight response. The man she was with turned away from her. But the shift wasn’t a rejection. He sat up straighter, his elbows pushing out. It was as if he was making himself bigger, showboating as if to intimidate a threat. He was protecting her.
“Thank you. Open your eyes and relax.” She smiled encouragingly at the room, nodding, and meeting every person’s gaze. Reassuring them she was there. “Before we talk about it, let’s discuss what happened at the beginning of the lesson. Two people who I’m presuming you’re unfamiliar with entered the room after some of the presentations had already been completed. I don’t know if you’ve been introduced to them, but I haven’t.”
She smiled at the latecomers, apologizing for calling them out with a tilt of her head. She moved over to them and held out her hand. “My name is Adelaide. Welcome to this afternoon’s session.” They shook and introduced themselves as Carl and Arwaa. She didn’t push for any other information from them, but turned to the class and made her way back to the front of the room. “None of you objected to the interruption, and although there were a few looks between you when I began, you also didn’t offer much resistance. Why was that do you think? Was it, perhaps, a feeling of obligation toward me or each other that you don’t rock the boat?” She paused, aiming for dramatic effect but wasn’t sure she’d pulled off until Jot spoke up.
“All of the above, I think.”
“Thank you, Jot. That reaction, the desire to please and conform to what others expect, is a parallel to what we’re discussing this afternoon. Are you being intimate with your partner, or partners, simply because it’s easier not to object? On the flipside, is your partner having sex because they want to, or because they feel obliged to?” It took everything in her not to turn to her instructors to check their reactions, but Adelaide knew she needed to focus on the people before her above anything else.
So that’s what she did. She led them on a guided discussion centred around first hearing, then listening to their inner self, the niggling whispered “no” in a person’s subconscious. The gut feeling that something wasn’t right. They raised expectations around consent and growing comfortable with each other, familiarity in a relationship breeding a reluctance to refuse intimacy for any one of countless reasons. Sometimes it was just easier to get the deed over and done with, than to say no and argue about it. But that meh reaction was very much settling. It was ignoring the boundaries a person should be able to set for their own body. It disrespected one’s desires and own needs all in the name of a relationship, one that if not built upon an ability to communicate freely and openly, could breed resentment and numbness. Adelaide was a firm believer that sex shouldn’t be endured. It should not leave its participants feeling numb or unsatisfied, especially if those participants didn’t know what it would take to turn things around. Over and over she had to rein in the desire to turn the group discussion into a lecture—she was a passionate proponent of every sexual encounter being fulfilling for every participant every time.
Her time leading the class was coming to a close when Adelaide asked, “What are some ways we can communicate the need to slow down, to change the experience so that every person involved is engaging intimately, rather than carrying out a transaction?” The discussion picked up again and even though the chime sounded to mark the end of the forty-five-minute period, no one moved. The conversation continued, the instructors joining in and contributing their opinions.
Finally, when classes were wrapped up later that evening, and Adelaide stepped onto the footpath, the warm air settling over her like a blanket, she breathed. The assessment had been the most heavily weighted component of the module she’d been studying and she’d put her all into it. “Adelaide, can I walk with you?” Mallory asked.
“Sure. I was just heading to the train station. Are you going that way?” Before Mallory could answer, Carl and Arwaa stepped out of the building.
“Adelaide, well done on your session. It was impressive, both for someone your age to have that kind of insight, and to be able to run a seamless workshop when you are so early in the course,” Carl said.
Arwaa held out a business card and added, “Carl and I run a club on the Gold Coast. We’ve been interested in getting someone on board who can help with coaching our clients. When you’re back on the Coast, we’d love to speak with you about doing your placement with us.”
“Did you know that I’m from the coast?” Adelaide asked. Their faces brightened and Carl and Arwaa looked to each other, a private smile passing between them.
“We had no idea when Charity invited us to come in. It was purely good timing that we were already in Sydney to be able to do so. They mentioned it after your presentation. It’s serendipitous, don’t you think?”
Adelaide’s belly flip-flopped in excitement. Charity, one of the instructors, had been the hardest on her, their expectations the most difficult to satisfy. She must be doing something right for them to have invited a potential employer to her session. “I’ve had trouble finding a placement. Practitioners in Brisbane are concerned about losing clients if they train me up knowing that I’ll base myself so close. The two that are there both wanted me to pay them an hourly rate to train me, and I just can’t afford to do that.”
Carl nodded and held out his hand, which Adelaide gratefully shook. “You’ll get a call the day I step foot back on Queensland soil. Thank you for the opportunity.”
Adelaide had a spring in her step, excitement bubbling in her veins as she and Mallory walked to the train station, and beyond. She couldn’t wait to tell King.
“Hey, baby,” she greeted excitedly as King answered his phone. There was noise in the background, like the television was on. It muted and there was a murmured voice, deep and familiar. “You at Liam’s again?”
“Yeah. We’ve just finished eating. We were putting a movie on.”
“What did you have?” Adelaide’s stomach growled, her microwave meal still heating up.
“I taught him how to makeBragioli.” King pronounced it braj-all-ee. She’d tasted the stuffed meat dish before—it was one of his mother’s specialities—and Adelaide loved it. King showing Liam how to make it brought a wistful smile to her lips. Not for the first time that week she wished she was home and could join them. She could imagine the three of them pottering around in Liam’s kitchen, laughing and teasing one another. “How was your presentation?” King asked, pulling her back into the present.
She fell into the little armchair beside her bed and sighed. She was tired, the long day taking its toll. The room she’d rented was a forty-minute train ride away from the college too, and while she was glad she was doing it on her own, her limited budget made it difficult. She wished she’d taken King up on the offer of paying extra so she could stay closer to the city. “The presentation went well.” She could hear the excitement in her voice and her cheeks hurt from the smile splitting her face. “Really well.” Adelaide launched into a description of what she’d covered and the news of the potential internship.
“I’m so proud of you, beautiful,” King breathed, but there was a note of melancholy in his voice. She grinned. She’d left the best news until last.
“Oh, did I mention that the club is based in Surfers?”
“It is? Oh Adds, that’s brilliant!” King laughed, his happiness shining through the phone. “Lee, Adds might have an internship at a club on the coast. She’s coming home.” Her chest tightened and longing shot through her. Who would have thought that being away for a week would have her pining for King and Liam? She missed her mum, brother, and Pop too, and she’d spoken or texted with each of them nearly every day, but she was desperate to see them. With another fortnight of classes to go, it was going to feel like forever. But at least her two favourite people were spending time together, bonding over statistics. She shuddered. She had no idea how King could enjoy it, but that didn’t matter. He loved it, Liam was learning, and she was killing her course too. Two more weeks. She could handle it.
Eighteen
