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“You remembered!” Max raised his palm for a high-five and Finn high-fived him.
He also remembered that, on Max’s recent birthday, Max had brought home leftovers of a Namor cake that his grandmother had ordered for him and which Jane had made.
“Yeah, but …” Max seemed to remember that he was going to spend the holiday in another town.
“Think about it, going to your mom’s for Halloween means no school the next day,” he said with a cheerful look at thebright side tone. Avery had promised she’d take the day off to spend it with Max.
They had a busy week with school, work, and practice. It only partially saved him from thinking about Jane, about how, with every passing day, instead of forgetting, instead of time dulling the effect, his need for her only grew. It was a familiar burn, one he’d experienced every year.
Every goddamn year he had hoped for and dreaded the holidays. Besides rare family events, the holidays had been his only chance to get a glimpse of her, of being near her. The little he had heard of her was through Darian and Avery, and they had said she was happy. He had hoped she was. He wanted her to be. Though he dreaded being invited to her wedding one day.
Every year, a hope and a dread. Her coming had been a lottery. Most times, she had never made it home and her parents had flown to Ohio.Then, when she had shown up, the weight of their secret had been tangible, crushing. Whether she came or not, the holidays had crapped a year’s worth of self-work for him.
There had been the year Avery’s mom had said, “Guess what. Anne is coming, and she’s bringing Tom. It’s about time we met him.”
Tom. The man she had lived with. The searing pain of knowing she was with someone. He didn’t know if it was better than the pain of knowing she wasn’t with anyone and he still couldn’t be with her.
That year she had missed the flight, or so her mother had said. Guilt had awaited him everywhere he’d turned—because of him, she had lost time with her family. She had stayed away because of him.
Then another year, there had been the blizzard excuse.
Then the next year, she had arrived alone.
“Are you sure this Tom really exists?” Avery had asked her mother quietly, eyeing Jane from across the room.
“He exists. I’ve seen pictures of him,” Darian had replied.
Finn had searched social media and the few family pictures that Darian had forwarded to Avery, but he’d never seen Tom in any of them. Just the face that was carved into his heart.
Jane.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He stood beside his wife and mother-in-law, looking at Jane, his Jane. The Jane he wished was his. The Jane he had spent eleven months since last year trying to get over again, although she hadn’t even arrived. The Jane he had last seen from afar two years before at a funeral before she had snuck away and left.
Now, he didn’t dare come close, wondering how he’d make it through the evening. Even if he did, how he’d make it through the next day, knowing she was still in the same area code as him, eluded him.
“So, Anne, how’s Tom doing?” Avery spoke while strutting toward her. “He’s an artist, too, right?”
Jane avoided looking in his direction. “He sketches, but he teaches Physics in college,” she replied.
“And he had to grade papers over Christmas?” Avery taunted, her tone implying that she suspected he didn’t exist.
“No. He flew to Connecticut to spend it with his parents. They’re unwell.”
“And you came here? How lucky for us!” Avery added.
“My parents need me here,” Jane replied, the strain in her voice clear.
He couldn’t take it anymore. Not Jane, but Avery and her poison. He crossed the room in wide strides and stopped next to them, noticing Jane’s facial features hardening at his approach.
“Hey, Anne. I’m glad you came. We missed you.” That was the closest he could get to the truth. That, and calling her Anne. He quickly rubbed a hand over her bicep like he had seen her aunt do just before. That should look normal. But the way his heart clenched at it wasn’t.
“Thanks.” She smiled.
The arrival of Noah and his family just then was a much-needed distraction and a place for him and Jane to guide their gazes.
Max kept him busy most of the evening and, luckily, he sat the farthest from her at the table, with the buffer of the entire Miles family.
