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“Dixie might be the exception to the rule. You have to admit she’s got the don’t-need-anybody act down pat.” I close the clasp of a purple bead bracelet and jiggle my arm until it rests low on my wrist.
“She’s had a lot of practice. Oh, pretty. The bracelet totally completes your outfit.”
“Thanks again for your help.”
“No problem. Have fun tonight.” Her wide smile fades a notch. “But if you think you might have FUN-fun, make sure you’re prepared. Dixie’s probably got—”
“What do I probably have?” sister number three interrupts, stepping into my room and holding something out to Amber. “Besides your credit card. You left this in the car.”
“Gracias.” Amber pockets the card before going on, “You probably have condoms. Kendall’s going out with Vaughn tonight.”
Dixie studies me for a moment before she digs around in the oversized bag hanging from her shoulder. “Since when did I become the freaking condom fairy?” she mutters.
My face starts to heat. “I don’t need condoms. I don’t sleep with a guy just because he asks me out. I think that’s more your style.” The last part comes out harsher than I intended, but we’ve strayed into very personal territory, and I’m not sure I’m comfortable going there.
Dixie looks at me like I’m nuts. “Even going by whatever good-girl checklist you use, this is a no-brainer. He’s given you a classy gift.” She drops a condom onto my bed. “He’s spent the requisite amount of time getting to know you.” Another condom lands on my comforter. “He’s springing for dinner.” A third small foil square joins the others. “You’re into him, and for whatever reason, he’s into you, too. What are you holding out for?”
My face heats further under her scrutiny. Dammit, I should have just said “thanks.”
Suddenly Dixie’s eyes widen. “Oh. My. God. Is perfect princess Kendall a virgin?”
Her voice contains more shock than scorn, but it doesn’t matter. Something inside me snaps. I pick a condom off the bed and hurl it at Dixie. “I am not perfect.” The small missile bounces off her shoulder. I hurl another. “I’m nobody’s princess.” This one hits her chest before falling to the carpet. “And the reason I’m still a virgin is because…” All at once tears are choking me. Somewhere in a different part of my brain I see Amber and Dixie staring at me like I’ve suddenly started molting, and in a way I have.
“…of Mason.” The facade I’ve hidden behind for the last several years cracks apart, and I’m not sure what’s going to emerge.
“Are you two still together?” Amber asks. “I didn’t realize.”
I shake my head, swallowing the bitter taste in the back of my throat. It’s time for me to set the record straight. That I want to share the truth is a huge step, one I’m not going to second guess. “We had plans that night to lose our virginity.”
“Prom, right?” Amber says. “Same night you guys got in the accident.”
Again, I nod. “What you don’t know is that we’d both been drinking, I was the one driving, and he never…h-he never fully woke up.”
For a long moment there’s not a sound in the room except my labored breaths. Then Amber murmurs, “Oh, Kendall.” She takes my arm and guides me to the bed.
My legs give out and I drop down. She sits beside me.
“Hold up.”
I wince at Dixie’s words and impatient tone. She stands in front of me and crosses her arms. “You’ve been blaming yourself for what happened to Mason this whole time?”
I blink away tears so I can pull her into focus. “I was the one driving his truck.”
“You were both drinking that night, right? Why did you get behind the wheel of his vehicle?”
“He…” I sniff and wipe my nose as memories play through my mind. “He said he’d had more to drink than me.”
“So you both made the choice to roll the dice. You both took the gamble. End of story.”
“It’s not that simple,” I answer automatically.
“I didn’t say it was simple. But it’s the truth,” Dixie retorts. “He got into the car, knowing the risks, and he owns that choice. It’s not all on you. Neither of you should have driven anywhere, but the fact that you were behind the wheel doesn’t make you the only one who made a crappy decision. I never met Mason, but if he loved you half as much as you apparently loved him, he wouldn’t lay all the blame at your feet. He wouldn’t want you to stay tied to him like this and deny yourself a personal life as some useless penance.”
I’m too stunned to respond. Dixie doesn’t usually give a flying fuck about my feelings. She wouldn’t waste a single breath on absolution. Not for me. But she’s a big believer in owning your own shit, and she’s the first person to call me out for taking on Mason’s. Would he blame me? I like to think he wouldn’t, but if he could see himself now? I don’t know.
“You made a mistake.” Amber says. “You drank too much, and you made a mistake. And yes, sometimes mistakes affect other people even when you meant no harm. But Kendall, everyone makes mistakes.”
I sniff again and wipe my cheeks. “Not like mine.”
