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“Yeah, I know.” I bite my lip, unsure how much to say so I don’t give away that we’re faking this relationship. “I think I’m just not used to making plans on someone else’s behalf. Like now, it’s alwaysusandwe.”
“Gross, that makes you sound married AF.” She laughs, waving her hands in front of her while shaking her head. “I’m going to keep enjoying the single train and make pit stops to sample the local concocktions on offer.”
“You enjoy that.”
For the first time, I don’t feel the urge to do the same. I thought I wanted the experience I gained over the summer so I’d be ready, but I can’t picture anyone making me feel the same rush of arousal I get when I’m with Cooper. I’m so deep in our cover story that I even have myself fooled.
“Oh, I will, babe. I will,” she promises.
I crack up at her sly shimmy and eyebrow waggle, her off the shoulder top showing off her dark tan skin. We part ways when we reach our dorm building’s lounge.
“Meet you back here in forty-five minutes?” she asks.
“Yup. It won’t take me long to shower and change.”
“Cool.” She throws up two fingers in a peace sign.
When I reach my door, I find another heart-shaped note. A smile breaks free at the sight of the blue pastel paper. Cooper’s so sneaky about coming by to leave them. Sometimes they’re silly, sometimes sweet. Each one makes my heart flutter.
Plucking it off the message board hanging on the door, I read it.
You look pretty today. I like when you wear blue. Your smile made my day.
I roll my lips between my teeth, my cheeks flushing with a sweet warmth stirred by imagining him murmuring his message to me. I know he does this just for show, but every time he does it, my days seem brighter and more full of life.
Cooper’s voice sounds behind me. I turn, expecting to find him in the hall, but he’s not there. The door across from mine is open and I realize it’s coming from there. Trying to be chill, I move closer, hanging outside in the hall. They must be watching one of his thirst traps.
“So I’m back today with my must-do list to keep ya girl happy. My dudes, if you’re not worshiping her, you’re doing it wrong.”
The cocky, crooked smile in his voice is easy for me to picture. I haven’t watched this video and it’s not one of our planned out posts we’ve done to feed his followers couple content.
“One, always be ready to feed her. She says she’s not hungry, but she probably is. Let the girl eat,” Cooper explains. “Two, give her kisses. Kiss her forehead. It makes her feel special. Kiss her hand. And I know you’re not missing on kissing her everywhere else. Don’t stop kissing her until she’s getting all shivery and melting against you. That’s how you kiss your partner. And let me tell you, if you can breathe, you’re not doing it right.”
“God, he’s hot and perfect,” one girl in the dorm room says. “I would ten out of ten suck his dick. I bet it’s as perfect as he is.”
I freeze, guilty for listening in on them. A strange knot forms in my stomach. Am I jealous?
That would be irrational. I purse my lips, disappointed in myself.
Her roommate laughs. “Have you seen him come around? His girlfriend is on this floor. I think she’s across from us. Look at his other videos. She’s all over his account. Has been since late summer.”
Before Cooper finishes his advice, I slip back across the hall.
I hold his note against my chest and go into my room to get ready for a shower. The line between fake and real is blurring beyond recognition. I thought I had this under control by focusing on helping him instead of getting caught up in my own feelings, but playing pretend is warping my sense of reality. What will the lasting psychological effects be?
Will I eventually believe our lie is true? And if that happens, if I forget the parameters of our agreement…will my heart survive it when the time comes to go back to being friends?
* * *
Cooper has me trained to react to the sound of my phone vibrating late at night, past open visiting hours in the freshman dorms. Heat spills through my core as his name lights up my screen while I’m sprawled across my bed writing the list of things I’m grateful for in my intentions spread of my bullet journal Friday night. Right now, I’m most grateful my roommate went home for the weekend, leaving me by myself in the dorm.
Cooper:Still up?
Tatum:Is that your booty call opener? Needs work.
Cooper:How? It’s perfect. Neutral and low stakes. Better than going straight for the dick pic.
I giggle, abandoning my notebook.
