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Chapter Eight
Phoenix
After Jonah left, I snuck up to my room to hide. Seeing Logan again after all this time was too much. He wasn’t the kid I knew, he’d changed, in a way I wasn’t ready for. His dark hair no longer fell in soft strands across his eyes but stood cropped short in stylish spikes.
His face was that of a Greek Adonis, angular and rugged. He was taller now, built like a footballer with a wide chest and well-defined muscles testing the stretch of his white t-shirt. His eyes though, they were the same beautiful shade of emerald green, but gleaming with something I’d never seen before. He looked like sin, and he knew it.
As I perch on the windowsill listening to Panic! At the Disco, waiting for a reasonable time to call Angel, I start to process what happened in the kitchen. Jonah was concerned about my reaction when Logan entered the room. I went stiff and became withdrawn.
Logically I knew I was safe with others in the room with me, which meant he couldn’t intimidate me. But still the fact that Jonah noticed means that Logan also noticed. It’s why I’m sitting here in my room, folding, and unfolding the fragile letter I’d read a million times over the years. I should have thrown it away, but I couldn’t. No matter how much it hurt, it was the last thing I had from Logan to hold onto.
Dear Phe,
Has the last fourteen years meant nothing to you?
When my family moved, we promised each other we’d always be there, that we would always be open to each other, and above all else, that we would never lie to one another.
I guess I’ve been the only one to keep true to those promises. I have to tell you, you’re a brilliant little liar Phe, you have everyone believing your sad story. But guess what?
I KNOW THE TRUTH.
This will be the last time I write to you. It will be the last time I will ever open a letter from you. After this, we will never be like we were. You have broken me, Phe. You forget I was there that night, even if it was only briefly. I saw you. You were crying in your room as the adults rushed around. How were you so convincing? How can you live with yourself?
You’ve destroyed me, in fact, you’ve destroyed everything. Everything inside me hurts, and I mean EVERYTHING. It’s like you’ve taken a can of gas and doused everything good with us and set it alight. But I see you. I see the way you’re standing back, watching all of us go up in smoke.
Well, I’m telling you, it won’t be happening anymore. We’re done. You and I are no longer friends. In fact, I hate you, do you hear me? I hate you with everything I am. I hate you for making me love you. I hate you for making me want you, and most of all, I hate you because if it weren’t for you, he would still be here.
Mark my words Phe, you will pay. I’ll make you pay. You will pay for making me want you, pay for all the lies and broken promises. I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN AND WHEN I DO, YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO HIDE.
Don’t reply to this letter, you don’t have that right. I don’t want to hear your excuses. You're dead to me. You hear that? Dead. If I ever see you again, you're going to pay for your lies.
Hatefully and Never Yours,
Logan.
I read it until I can feel the words crawling off the pages and into my already battered heart. I’m at a loss here, he obviously blames me, but I’m not sure how he could. The person writing this letter doesn’t appear to be the same boy I knew and loved. This person was full of hate and bitterness. It made me feel like I was mourning another loss, the loss of my best friend.
Logan had his friends with him, and being in a room with four guys I didn't know properly, had my anxiety starting to spike. It didn’t help that his friends were all equally hot in their own way.
Stryker seemed like such a bad boy; his light brown hair was spiked into a small mohawk, his face sculpted and perfectly angular. These boys were shredded to the max. I mean, it should be illegal to look that good. Stryker’s granite eyes sparkled with mischief, and I knew all too well to stay away. Boys like these guys aren’t used to hearing the word ‘no’ very often.
Ricky struck me as the silent type but not to be cast aside or written off easily. He was equally as good-looking as his friends, with his dark skin and nicely chiseled features giving the illusion that he was easy-going. But the vibe I got from him was anything but, especially if you pissed him off.
Caden seemed to be your typical surfer/skater dude. He had a cherub-like face with cute dimples when he smiled. His eyes glittered like dark obsidian that drew you in, and his cheeky smile would brighten even the darkest of days.
I could already see the humor in the boy’s eyes as he glanced between us all, clearly the larrikin of the group. As I watched the scene below unfold, I’m suddenly hit with memories of a time where everything seemed so simple.
Groaning, I pick up my latest read and get comfortable. The room I’ve been given is huge. It has a walk-in robe and my own bathroom. I was relieved to know that I wouldn’t have to be sharing a bathroom. Even though I was better around people now, that feeling would still sometimes creep up on me. There were two bay windows on either side on the double bed. I had a desk, TV, laptop, and bookshelves spread throughout the room.
When we arrived the first night, I was so wired and nervous I set about personalizing it the best I could. I had unpacked the clothes I brought with me almost straight away, unpacked my toiletries, and made a list of what I would need to get to start school. It kinda sucked having to restart in my final year, but it is what it is, and I need to choose my battles.
Looking out my window as I check the time again, I see the yard starting to fill with people. Logan mentioned that he’s going to have his friends over tonight, I just didn’t know he meant the entire school. There’s no way I’m going down there, I’m good on all of that.
Our encounter in the kitchen this afternoon was more than enough for one day. I didn’t expect him to be openly hostile toward me, but I wasn’t expecting him to be friendly either. How did Kayla miss the look he gave me?
Being under his mother’s radar was nerve-wracking, he was a convincing liar, a little more like Kyle than I remembered. I also didn’t understand how his mother hadn’t picked up on it. This made him dangerous in my eyes, as it meant he was able to hide who he truly was in front of his parents.
Angel would have my ass if she knew I was hiding out here in my room. The one thing she’d made me promise when we said our goodbyes was that I would try to go out and have fun.
“Live a little, Phe.” Pulling me in for a hug, Angel whispered, “remember, this was supposed to be your year for new experiences.” Looking at my friend, I hugged her one last time before heading through the departure gates.
Shaking myself out of my thoughts, I’m already missing my friend.
Off to the side of the pool, I notice all four boys are leaning against the deck rail deep in discussion and staring up at my window. How long have they been looking up here? Sighing, I grab my headphones, switching my playlist to the one I use for dance inspiration. With a final look out the window, I see the boys still watching me, only this time with devilish smiles. It’s going to be a long evening.
