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He glances over his shoulder at me, the lines of rage in his face softening.
“There’s a lot of flyers in there, I can’t say how many pages, or if it’s just bits and pieces, but it’s not good.” His words are like a knife to my chest.
I push past both of them and into the kitchen—if they want to laugh at me, so be it. I do not want their pity or their sad stares. I spent way too long rebuilding myself to let the way people see me break me.
In fact, I have spent way too much time letting any of them get me down like this. I am slowly starting to realize that it doesn’t matter how much I fight back with him; Logan is never gonna stop coming at me. He really wants to see me break. Well, the jokes on him, I’m already broken.
“Fuck,” is all I hear him say before I step into the kitchen.
Taking a look around the room, I spot the group I know is responsible for this charade. Marching right up to them, I grab a page from someone and immediately recognize my writing. I storm over to the culprits, who are standing around laughing as their handy work is unfolding around them.
Shoving into Logan’s chest, I push him back against the wall. His laughter immediately cuts off as if he didn’t expect this little confrontation. Good, he needs to stop underestimating me. This is why his plans always go awry—he’s too damn arrogant and cocky.
“You think this is going to get at me, HUH?” pushing off him, I stare at the other flunkies with him; the regret I see flashing through Stryker’s eyes does nothing to stop me, though. “You all think that laughing at this shit is funny? That it’s okay to show and spread something so private, something that has caused so much hurt and pain? Go ahead, you fucking cowards, but let me tell you something. It doesn’t matter how many pages you copy and share around. I AM NOT AFRAID OF YOU. YOU CANNOT HURT ME ANYMORE THAN HE DID ... but hey, give it your best shot, assholes.”
I feel Jonah step up to my back—it’s a protective gesture, one I am grateful for. The anger and betrayal I’m feeling makes the air in the room so thick I can hardly breathe. Sucking in sharp gasps of oxygen, I try to remain calm enough to finish this. I will not cry in front of these people. They do not deserve those tears.
“You can’t break what’s already been broken.” The venom in my voice surprises me as I narrow my eyes and step closer to Logan’s chest. “You aren’t the first man that thought he could take something from me without permission, but I damn sure know you’ll be the last.”
With that, I pick up the closest cup and throw it in their faces, before spinning around and walking out of the room. I need to cool off, I need to be alone, I need to be anywhere but here. My heart is hammering in my chest, and I am seconds away from the flood I have managed to keep at bay.
“Phe, that was epic,” Ethan laughs as we exit the party. “I knew you had balls of steel, but damn, you just put them all on their asses.”
“Look, Ethan, thanks for the nod of support, but I really need to be alone right now. Can you tell Jonah I’ve decided to walk home, please?” I sigh in defeat as my anger starts to dissipate into something I am all too familiar with—pain. I just need to hold it together a little while longer, then I can break.
“You sure?” He takes a step closer to look me in the eyes. I know he’s just trying to make sure I’m alright and support me, but right now, that’s not what I need.
“Yeah, I need to be on my own right now. I need to process everything that went on in there, and I don’t want you all to leave on my account. It isn’t that far anyway; it won’t take me long,” I reassure him. I need to get out of here before I lose it. “The walk will do me good.”
“Okay, but Phe ... you call if you need us, and we’ll come get you, okay?” he pulls me in and whispers, “I know how you’re feeling right now, but you are stronger than they give you credit for.”
Releasing each other, I say my goodbyes to everyone else, and I head home. I don’t want any of them to see me cry, but tonight has been a cluster fuck, and I just feel numb. They all read pages from one of my diaries. The only solace I could take was that at least it wasn’t the first diary I ever wrote after Kyle’s death. This one wasn’t nearly as dark or as specific as some of the others.
What bothers me the most is I have no idea how they even got their hands on it to begin with. I kept them behind a locked door for a reason. I need to make sure the others are still where I put them. I didn’t want them to get the earlier ones—that is my story to tell when I’m ready to tell it.
Why is Logan so determined to break me? How could he not see that he has it all wrong? I know how much he loved Kyle, but that doesn’t mean he knew everything about him. I needed to get out of his parent’s house. I can’t keep fighting this every day with no break from the constant struggle. I cannot do this anymore; something has to give.
