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Chapter Four
Phoenix
A million thoughts were going through my head as I waited for Mrs. Ducane to arrive from the airport. Was she bringing her husband with her? Is Logan going to be here too? Gah! This is so fucked up. I cannot believe I’m about to do this.
Mom’s funeral is tomorrow, and I am not nearly ready to deal with that. But today, the boy who was my everything—the one who always had my heart—would be arriving with his mother to pack me up and take me back to Southport, North Carolina.
Could this get any worse? I have to start over in my last year of high school, find a new dance studio, and work out a way to deal with the hostility that I know Logan is going to have toward me. I won’t have Angel by my side anymore, I won’t ever see my mom again, and now that I’m all my dad has in this world, I have to leave him too. Everything is so fucked up.
Hearing several car doors close, I peer out of my bedroom window to see Ms. K, following Mrs. Ducane up the sidewalk to my front door. Releasing a long, slow breath, I made my way down the stairs to the living room.
“Oh, Phoenix. I’m so, so sorry, honey,” Mrs. Ducane was rushing toward me, wrapping me up in her familiar arms, a distant memory of happier times overwhelming me. I tense up without meaning to, and she finally registers the look of terror on my face, instantly releasing me in embarrassment. “I know this is hard for you, sweetie, but Max and I are really looking forward to having you with us. I know you and Logan have grown apart, but I am sure once you two are back together again everything will be just like it once was.”
“Yeah, about that,” I don’t mean to be rude but come on, who is she kidding? Who in their right mind thinks Logan and I can pick up where we left off as if nothing has changed? “Dad told me he doesn’t know about Kyle, and judging from the last letter I received from him three years ago, I highly doubt he’s going to have a party and throw out the welcome mat for me, Mrs. Ducane.”
“I know you’re nervous, sweetie, but I think you’re reading too much into this. Trust me, it’s all going to be fine ... but please, call me Kayla.” Her eyes are already surveying the house and what we have left to pack, but she hasn’t convinced me of anything.
“It’s fine if you don’t believe me, Kayla. Honestly, I get how you could assume he'll just get over it. But trust me when I say, he will not be thrilled to see me.” I glance out the front door, avoiding Kayla’s watery eyes as she stalls in front of our wall of family photos. “Where’s Mr. Ducane and Logan anyway? I thought they would have come with you.”
“Oh, Max is arriving a bit later today, and unfortunately, Logan is away at training camp for his football team. He couldn’t make it with such short notice.” She walks over to the lounge to sit, motioning for me to follow.
“Ummm, I’m just going to head home,” Ms. K interrupts, heading out the door. “Phe, if YOU need anything, please call me. I’ll also get into contact with some friends and try to find a dance school in Southport for you.”
Nodding, I say goodbye and turn to Kayla, who is still surveying the room around her. I study her closely now that it’s just the two of us. She doesn’t look that much different from when they left years ago. Maybe a little bit older, but she is still the same beautiful woman she was when she left.
“So, I hate to bring this up right now, but have you decided what you are going to do with the house and everything in it while you are gone?”
“What do you mean?” I gasp in shock.
“Well, you’re moving to the States with us, honey. You don’t want this house sitting empty. It would be a waste, and you don’t know how long you are going to be over in the States with us,” again I catch the hesitancy in her voice.
Trying to figure out what she truly means, I take the safe route and explain what I have decided for myself. “I only plan to stay there until the end of the school year. I’ll finish school, graduate, and then I’m coming back here to Australia. This is my home. It’s where my friends are, and Dad is here too. I don’t plan to sell this house if that’s what you’re asking.” The emotion is leaching from my voice. I can’t believe she thinks I would just up and leave and never look back.
“Oh, honey. What if things change and you decide to stay?” She places a warm hand on my knee, and I brush it away quickly.
“I don’t see that happening, and besides, I can use this house as an income. It’s paid for, so renting it out would be smart.” Ms. K had suggested it earlier this week. She helped me make plans for a storage company to pick up our furniture. She even found a great management company to help me take care of things while I’m away.
I may have to live with these people, but I don’t plan on begging for money to live. Fuck that, I’d rather be homeless. I’ll take what means the most to me, and everything else can wait a year.
Once Logan’s dad arrived, I had to explain my plans all over again while they pretended to have a say about it. It was close to ten-thirty when Max conceded, and finally, I crawled to bed.
The numbness has me feeling lost. We were saying goodbye to Mom, or more like, we were saying goodbye to a closed wooden casket and pictures of her smiling face set across a tabletop. It doesn’t feel real; none of this does. I keep thinking I am going to wake up, and she is going to walk through the door with that million-dollar smile she always had.
Getting through the funeral is the hardest thing I’ve faced yet. With people coming up to me offering condolences, it’s like we’re in the twilight zone. I mean, if one more person asks me how I feel, I may go postal. My mom is dead, my dad is in jail, and now I’m on my own, headed to a place where I’m not wanted, to live with a boy I used to love. I’m fucking peachy.
After the funeral and wake, everything moved quickly. Kayla and Max informed me we had a week to get everything in order. I can’t fault them; they’ve been very understanding and patient with me. If I didn’t know any better, you could almost say they were carrying around a bit of guilt over this whole situation. We spent the weekend packing boxes for the storage unit and then suitcases for me to take to North Carolina.
Since Ms. K helped me hire the property manager to rent out the house, Max thought it would be a good idea for her to be the person they contacted when decisions had to be made. The last thing to do was load the furniture into the storage unit. I was lucky we had money saved, and I used some of it to pay the unit up for a year.
With all plans in place, ready, and paid for, I did one final walkthrough of my house. All the good memories, the nights spent dancing around the living room with Mom, cooking in the kitchen, or just chilling out in the living room—they would never happen again.
With tears silently falling down my cheeks, I close the front door behind me. I say my last goodbye and head to the airport with the Ducanes. This was going to be fun … NOT. I know nothing is ever going to be the same again, but I won’t hang my head in silence another day.
I’ve been to hell, I’ve seen what it has to offer, and there’s not a thing another man on this earth could do to me to tear me down. I’m a survivor. I’m not the scared little girl that Logan expects me to be. If he wants a war, he’ll get one.
