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I just nodded; hearing it all made me want to scream. I couldn’t meet her gaze as she went over the extent of my injuries. They were horrific. How could the guys still look at me like they did?
“In addition to the physical abuse, there were also signs of sexual assault.” She stopped and suddenly appeared unsure, like she was questioning if she should continue. “Phoenix, we also found high levels of sedatives in your system.”
Hearing it out loud didn’t make it any easier to deal with. All I could do was let the tears flow. I knew what had happened; I remembered everything. I knew I had to put it behind me, but how? It was all still too raw. I wished it was all a bad dream.
I wasn’t going to let this break me again, but I didn’t know where to start. The tears were falling again at the thought of everything that I’d lost. It felt like I was back at square one. He wasn’t going to win this time. I refused to spend the next four years the same way I had lived the first time he had tried to destroy me.
“Phoenix, do you need to take a break?” Dr Summers asked, concern written all over her face. “I know this may be hard to answer, but do you know who took you?”
I nodded in response as I tried to form the words around the sobs that freely flowed now. “I know who took me. I see his face when I close my eyes. It was Kyle Ducane. But I don’t know where I was kept, nor can I tell you how long I was there.”
“It’s okay. I can’t begin to know what you have been through, but you have been so brave just now,” Dr Summers tried to reassure me as she passed the tissues to me. “I don’t think there is anything else to ask, but I think it would be a good idea to have one of the Psychiatry doctors come down to talk with you. Would you like that?”
Taking the tissues, I just shrugged. Right then I just wanted to be alone. Free to cry, scream, yell. Turning my back to her, I wrapped my arms around myself and let it all out. The pain was too much to hold in. “Could you please close the door behind you? I don’t want to see anyone right now.”
Chapter Fourteen - Stryker
She was awake.
My Firecracker had woken up. I couldn’t say how that made me feel. I was elated that she had woken up, but it fucking tore me apart watching her break in front of me. For a whole week, if we weren’t at the hospital, we’d been at the warehouse, sifting through all the videos. It had helped us deal with the helplessness that we were all feeling. Our only worry was how much this was going to change her.
When she asked what had happened to Kyle, I couldn’t answer her. I didn’t know what to say. She remembered everything. And it broke me, as she sat there crying and she told Logan and I everything. All I wanted to do was drive to that damn warehouse and put a bullet in his brain, but I couldn’t leave her side .
“You know you need to tell her that you have the sick fuck at the warehouse.” I’d almost forgotten that I’d brought Paige with me. I knew she had a point, but the need to protect Phee was stronger, and the way she’d reacted when she saw Logan had me concerned.
“Yeah, I know that. But right now, she doesn’t need to know.” It was blunt, but it was the best way to deal with Paige. “She needs time to heal, time for things to get back to normal.”
“Are you even hearing yourself right now?” Paige’s mood swings were quick to give you whiplash; she’d go from happy-go-lucky to angry quicker than a race car driver accelerating to full-speed. “Stryker, you can’t do that to her. Keeping her in the dark like that; it won’t do you any favors. Remember how I was when you did the same thing to me?”
“She doesn’t need to know right now, Paige. I get what you’re saying, but seriously, it’s not your decision to make.” I had my reasons for not answering her question earlier, which were the same reasons I hadn’t filled Paige in. I knew my cousin, and she would want a hand in everything if she knew I’d found a link to her own assault, and Phee didn’t need to know that we were holding the psycho captive. Not yet, anyway.
“That’s not yours to make either, Stryker.” I hated the look she was giving me. It was the same look my own father gave to me when I’d gone to see him two weeks before. The Lennox Family knew how to make you feel like shit when they wanted. “How can you say she’s your Anam Cara and want to keep her in the dark?”
“It’s because I fucking love her that I need to do this.” I hated getting in Paige’s face, but it was the only way to get her to back down. Having this out in the halls of the damn hospital wasn’t going to do anyone any good. “You’ll understand when you find yours, but until then, don’t tell…”
I felt the sting before I heard it. My mouth froze in mid-sentence as she backhanded me across the face. If looks could kill, then I’d be in the fiery depths of hell. It was a low blow, one I shouldn’t have dealt, but I was trying to make my cousin see where I was coming from.
“Fuck you, Stryker, fuck you very much.” I’d known as soon as the words had left my mouth, I’d fucked up. The hurt in her voice resonated through me like a tidal wave. I’d brought her there to help, not to upset her.
“Paige, wait.” I reached out to stop her, but she shrugged me off. I signed. “I’m sorry.”
“Save it, asshole, for someone that gives a fuck. Just know I’m only staying because of her, because she needs someone that won’t hide things from her. Not some overgrown neanderthal walking around beating his hands across his chest going ‘Me Tarzan, You Jane.’” Throwing me the one finger salute, she continued to walk away.
“Damn it,” I cursed, punching the wall.
“Whatcha do to make Paige angry?” Jonah came up and sank into the chair beside me.
“Don’t ask, brother. Don’t ask.”
Chapter Fifteen - Logan
Looking out over the grounds of the hospital, I needed to toughen my resolve. I just needed to give her time, make sure I was there to help her get through the mess, and if it came to it, I’d be there helping her bury the bodies. I’d stayed out there on the balcony after letting the others know she was awake. I’d been trying to get my own feelings under control before going back in .
I was angry at so many people, and just watching her as she remembered everything- it took everything I had not to raise unholy hell. My Tiny Dancer and I had lost so much we could never get back. Although these circumstances were different. Knowing the only family you ever had was dead to you changes you. I knew I wasn’t alone.
Things had changed between the guys and me; Stryker and I were almost back to what we’d had before Phee showed up. The only thing that was different was that we now had her to ground us. I was grateful to Damon; he had taken me under his wing, and gave me a place to stay despite the run-ins I’d had with him. I had misjudged him.
“You okay, Logan?” Paige asked, walking up beside me and leaning over the balcony.
