Page 12 of Was I Ever Here

The corner of the room is draped in blue plastic while dear ol’ Gary hangs from a hook in the ceiling by his bound wrists. I drag a chair across the floor and sit down facing his drooping body. He’s blubbering something about forgiveness but I can barely focus. I’ve waited so long to exact my revenge.

But the feeling in my chest now is anti-climatic at best.I can’t stop thinking abouther.

Sunny.

I guess in an ironic way I’ve spent five years searching for her too. Ever since I woke up confused in a hospital bed. Not to mention the bizarre coincidence of this asshole leading me straight to her. I can’t help but wonder if she recognized me like I did her. But I know she didn’t. Why would she?

I had to die to remember.

But her eyes can’t lie. Sunny was Gabriel once…just like I was Anthony.

She’s mine—she’s been mine for lifetimes.

I know, I don’t make sense. Doesn’t change the fact that it's true. And now I’m sitting in front of the asshole who wasn’t only responsible for me nearly dying and ultimately remembering lives before this one. But he’s also the fucker who led me straight to her. How could this insignificant piece of shit be such a catalyst?

Nothing makes any fucking sense.

I refuse to think about it any further. I originally wanted this little tête à tête with Gary to last a while. Torture him for as long as he could be conscious to feel. But now, I can’t bear to even look at him.

Fuck it.

I stand from the wooden chair that’s barely holding up my weight and head over to the small display of knives I laid out near his suspended body. I pick up the meanest looking one and stalk towards him.

There will be no last words for Gary, no final important end to his miserable fucking life. I need out of this room and out of the lingering questions attached to this worthless waste of breath. But he sees me coming and starts to whimper all over again, mangled pleading words barely exiting his mouth. I don’t even let him finish.

I grab him by the hair, lift his chin up and unceremoniously slit his throat from ear to ear. The blood seeps through his shirt in seconds. I don’t even bother to stay to watch him die. I just throw the knife back onto the table with a clang and walk out. My skin itches as I climb the stairs two by two.

I need a fucking drink.

Chapter 8

Sunny

ItfeelslikeI’vebeen sleeping for days. I don't even know what time of the day it is and I don’t care. I can’t afford so much time off in a row but Mike, the manager at Sammies, has been gracious enough not to schedule me while I get my bearings straight. I’m going to have to face the world eventually. But for now I keep the curtains drawn closed and drink myself to sleep.

I’m burrowed deep into my duvet, my finger hovering over the saved voicemail on my phone. I’ve been unable to decide whether to listen to it for the past hour. Finally, I press play and settle even deeper into the pillows, closing my eyes to better listen. River’s voice echoes through my small studio apartment, taking up so much space I can hardly breathe.

“Sunny, pick up! Why aren’t you answering my texts? Can’t believe you’re making me call you. Gross. Anyway, I’m heading to Derek’s with Amanda, are you coming? Of course you’re coming.” River’s dorky laugh rises through the speakers and it hurts. It fucking hurts. “I’ll see you there, okay? Love you!”

The sound of her message ending is jarring, even if this is the hundredth time I've listened to it. It never makes me feel like I hope it will. It only makes me sink deeper into the morose web of feelings I'm currently caught in. I fall back asleep hoping to see her face. But I never do.

The coffee shop is always quiet this time of day. It’s why I’ve agreed to meet Lenix here. It’s been nearly a week and I’m trying to avoid crowds for as long as possible until I’m forced back to work.

Any loud noise can set me off. It doesn’t matter where I am or who I’m with. It only takes me a split second to fall back into the memories of the night that still sticks to me like cellophane. Like slipping into familiar waters. Except the water is ice cold and rips my breath right out of my chest, leaving me gasping for air.

Nothing seems to help. Well…it’s not like I have many healthy coping mechanisms to begin with. I’ve relied mostly on weed and booze to fight off the dread that promises to latch onto my heart like a blood sucking leech.

Certainly coffee is not helping my crippling anxiety either, but here I sit nonetheless. My drink lukewarm in front of me while I stare at the sticky rings lingering on the table. I wonder if I should say something to the waiter but decide against it. I don’t want to be a bother.

“Hiya babes!”

My eyes snap up to find Lenix heading my way. Her long pin straight hair is flipped over one side of her shoulders, and her big doe eyes are sparkling in the midday sun as she squeezes herself beside me into the booth. She leans in for a long hug. My body softens into her embrace while I mutter a half-ass response into her hair, inhaling her familiar vanilla scent. It grounds me back down to earth and away from the memories nipping at my heels.

She hugs me for longer than usual and I let her until she finally pulls back. Keeping a hold of my upper arms, she pushes me away so she can give me a serious once-over.

“You look like shit,” she deadpans, her eyes twinkling and her dimpled smirk infuriates me but it’s also exactly what I need and she knows it. I scoff, shrugging out of her hold and crossing my arms, leaning back in my seat.

“You’re such a bitch.” I roll my eyes while trying to conceal my smile.

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