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“Miss me?” he taunts darkly.
The sound of his voice makes me squeeze my eyes shut. How can two words feel so potent? Every cell in my body has awoken to the low timbre of his voice.
But then, my head nods as if acquiescing to his question, and I’m shocked, not knowing where that reaction even came from—feeling like I’ve lost all sense of agency yet again. His pull is so strong it feels like being sucked into a black hole.
He gives my throat a quick squeeze as if pleased with my answer and my eyes fly open again, his grasp a constant reminder of him having me trapped against the wall. Of having me so close to his intoxicating—albeit confusing—presence.
He turns his face just an inch, his lips a whisper against my cheek and down to the corner of my lips. I let out a quiet gasp. And with it, his body stills. As if paralyzed by the small sound that escaped my lips.
We stay like this—motionless—for what feels like an eternity. A pocket of time where our two hearts beat with the same aching cadence. The moment feels infinite like a galaxy full of stars, always expanding.
I couldn’t move if I wanted to. My body is heeding to his silent command, staying perfectly still until he chooses to release me. Like a firefly trapped inside a clasped hand.
Finally, he takes a long breath and lets me go. My palms nervously grasp at the wall behind me, scared I’ll just slip to the ground if I don’t find something to hold on to.
He takes a step back, taking a long look at me. His eyes, rimmed by long dark eyelashes peer from under his black hoodie, his full lips parted, chest heaving. If I wasn’t so wrought with conflicting feelings of my own, I could almost discern longing in his burning stare.
He then raises his hand to his mouth, the same fingers that were curled around my neck now brushing across his lips as if remembering the ghost of his graze on my cheek.
“I’ll be seeing you, my little sun.” And without waiting for an answer, he walks out of the alley and disappears around the corner.
Stunned, I blink. Once. Twice.
Then, I burst into heavy sobs, sliding down the wall, the rough bricks chafing my skin on the way down. But these tears aren’t born out of distress. Or even fear. I hiccup, my eyes continuing to spill over.
These are tears of release. Ofrelief. But how? Why? What the fuck just happened?
I’m a mess of complicated feelings that I myself can’t even decipher. Eventually, I manage to calm down and stumble back onto the sidewalk. My cheeks are still wet as I hail a cab, my mind full of questions but no logical answers
Chapter 13
Sunny
“Byzantine.”
I lay in bed, my lips wrapping around the vowels as I sound out his name. The languidwooshof the ceiling fan pushing the same vowels into the dark corners of my room.
His name is heavy on my tongue, as if I’ve already spent hundreds of years speaking his name. Carved into my memory like the deep curves of an engraved tombstone.
“Ugh.” I shake my head like an etch-a-sketch. “I need to get out of here,” I mumble aloud.
I refuse to think about him for another second. His behavior makes no sense. As little sense as my reaction to him.
I leave the house in a huff and jog down the stairs of my apartment building two at the time, eager to clear my head.
The sun’s barely peeking out from the horizon, the city still dormant so early in the morning. I haven’t really gone to bed yet. Just laid there wondering what the fuck is happening to me.
My body feels electric, the anxiety ramped up so high, I can feel it like a subtle tremor rattling my bones. My mind has been fried in the process and I can barely focus. Well, I can only focus on one thing it seems. His name is like an entity of its own, determined to block out everything else like an eclipse blocking out the sun.
It takes me about fifteen minutes to end up at the beach. I undress slowly, grateful for having at least the presence of mind to have popped on a bathing suit before leaving the house. I dig my toes in the sand, trying to take as deep a breath as I can but my chest is so tight I can barely suck in any air. The sun glimmers atop the waves and I try to bask in the simple pleasure of the peace I feel when near the water.
The ocean’s cold embrace sends shivers down my spine as I slowly wade in, my skin tingling with goosebumps. I let loose a heavy breath, trying to contain my reaction to the chill but continue my way in nonetheless. I need this. When I get deep enough, I bite the bullet and dive in head first. I swim underwater until my lungs grow tight, the water grounding me back into my body—my mind.
Finally, my nerves settle as I swim with no goal or purpose. I pop back up with a gasp, pleased and smiling, out of breath.
Fuck I love the water.
A place that never disappoints, a place I can always count on. They say the earth vibrates at the same frequency as the human body. It calibrates us. Centers us. But with the industrial revolution and the mass migration to cities we've become disconnected. Untethered. Nature being the only thing able to provide us with that frequency.
