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Elle rolled her eyes. ‘Not the whole dressobviouslybut we can take this material and make butterfly wings out of it, you know, like the ones you showed me Alice was wearing.’
‘I don’t know … maybe I shouldn’t try to be too Alice derivative, I mean she does have better hair, better skin, a better figure …’
Elle threw the prom dress onto the floor. ‘Babe, are you listening to yourself?’ Helen shrugged and looked down into her hands. ‘When are you going to start to actually rate yourself? I know you English people go in a lot more for ‘false modesty’ but you have to stop running yourself down. If you don’t look at yourself in the mirror every morning and recognise how much you have to offer; how is Brody, or any other man, supposed to see that?’
‘I guess I’ve just got used to seeing myself that way, and it’s not like anything in my dating history tells me that I’m going to be any good with men …’
‘That isn’t true …’
‘What about Jonathan?’
‘Don’t start me on Jonathan, before you met him you didn’t feel this way about yourself. He put you down. He wasn’t even nice … or hot …’
‘He was who I wanted to be with …’
‘No you didn’t. When you first met him, he was the one chasing you, that night at his party. Then he started to lay it on thick …’
‘When he actually wanted to see me …’
‘Let me finish! Yes, he was unreliable, but whenever you met, he did something to keep you on the hook … There were the nice restaurants, he talked about the future, got you gassed about being with him, then he took it all away. No. Sorry. He wasnotthe man of your life. He was just a man, and you know what? Before you had those years with him, I never heard you worry once, notonce, about whether you were going to meet someone “in time”.’ Elle used her quotation mark finger gesture again. ‘Seriously, my love. Seriously. You have to start to change how you talk about yourself. Be proud of the business you’ve created …’
‘It’s not going that well, Elle …’
‘See! Here you go again. You have yourownbusiness. You get to make cakes for a living. Think how many people would love to do that! Plus there’s always guys who like you, you just don’t likethem…’
‘Like who?’
Elle’s hands went to her hips. ‘Ish!’
‘Wait … How do you know Ish?’
‘I follow him on Instagram! Did you even see his stories earlier this week?’
‘No …?’
‘Well, he was tagging himself in that place you went for drinks. Helikesyou, Helen …’
‘He’s never said anything?’
‘Babe, he helped you out with something for your grandma, of course he likes you!’ Elle shook her head and looked up to the ceiling.
Maybe Ish did ‘like’ her, and maybe she did like him, a bit … Was that disingenuous to Brody? No nice people liked more than one person at once, did they? Every time she tried to conjure up a possible scenario in her mind where she would fall into Ish’s arms, the reel cut and she was back, fitting perfectly into Brody’s chest, her head tilting upwards expectantly for his lips. Even when she’d met Ish at the Ivy House, it was like the phantom of Brody was sat at the table next to them … Helen realised she was staring out the window.
‘Look, even if you don’t like him, at least take the compliment. Now tell me something good about yourself.’
‘What?’
‘Tell me something good about yourself, like what you have going for you …’ Elle gestured for Helen to continue.
‘I’m nice …’
‘Helen, what kind of word is nice? You’re a writer, come on, tell me just one thing about you that’s good. No, that’s more than just good. Something you can be proud of!’
‘Okay, I’m a loyal friend, considerate …’ Helen watched Elle’s eyebrows arching. ‘Okay, I’m a domestic goddess, I take things seriously which I actually think is a good thing, and I have some moves. You know …’ Helen’s voice dropped, ‘… sexually.’
‘Hels, are you all right?’ Henry knocked on Helen’s bedroom door.
‘Come in!’ chirped Elle, arms smugly folded.
