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Far from it. But he did tell his on-again, off-again partner everything. And Christopher had a regular poker game that Shoshana had taken part in before. She knew how things slipped in general conversation. David’s reputation was not something she was willing to take any chances on.
“You have never respected Nancy-Ann’s finesse,” Baxter said, lifting his chin in offended disdain. “She’s just a hunk of metal to you.”
“She’s a car,” Shoshana said pointedly. “She’s restored beautifully, and I get why you love her, but she’s a car. Also I’m not asking you to slit her brake line. Just swear you won’t say anything to Chris about what I tell you. You only have to worry about her if you slip.”
“You’re evil,” he said, taking another pastry from the box. It was a cheese danish this time. He sniffed, then took a larger than average bite of the thing.
“I think it’s great you tell Chris everything,” she said, hoping she sounded serious and not like she was trying to give him a hard time, because she was serious about this. “I do. I envy that about your relationship. But I’m not fucking around on this one, Bax. I’m just not.”
He took another large bite of the danish, considering her. Shoshana looked back at him. After a moment, he heaved a heavy sigh and put the danish down on a napkin. Then he meticulously cleaned his fingers with another napkin, balled it up, walked around the counter to the trash can, dropped the balled up napkin into the waste bin, and moved close enough to Shoshana that they were almost touching shoulders. He crossed his arms over his chest, refusing to look at her. He muttered something under his breath.
“I have to actually understand what you say,” she said, and this time shewasneedling him. He elbowed her side, hard enough to show he didn’t appreciate it.
“I swear all the stuff you just said,” he said. “Don’t make me repeat it. You say a lot of stuff and I don’t remember half of it.”
Shoshana burst out laughing. “You are my favorite human.”
“Liar,” he said, then turned to look at her, his face serious. “Now spill, and it better be worth it, because if something happens to that car over a fucking Ben Affleck phoenix, I will set your entire house on fire.”
“It’s worth it,” she said, making a show of looking over his shoulder to be sure there was no one in the store, but of course, nobody would be, they weren’t open yet. She said two words, “Tramp stamp.”
“Shut up,” he said, then his whole face screwed up. “No way, you’re lying. No way Rabbi Hot Pants has Ass Antlers.”
Rabbi Hot Pantsshe mouthed silently.
“Sho,” he said, absolutely zero shame on his face, “I met the guy. He likes a tight fit. It works for him.”
“Right, sure, okay,” Shoshana said, filing that away to tell Leah and Abigail, because Abi would definitely think it was hilarious, “Look, now that we’re talking about this, I feel shitty telling you. It’s like I’m making fun of him and I’m really not, it’s actually a kinda cute story.”
“Shoshana,” Baxter said, and the look on his face said he really might do murder. “You made me swear on Nancy-Ann. If you don’t tell me I’m driving out to Beth Elohim and asking him to drop trou.”
“You’re ridiculous.”
“See if I don’t,” he said, the look on his face saying he absolutely would if only to prove a point.
“Okay, okay fine. Hang on.” She turned away from him, reaching under the counter for the office supplies. She came back with a half-used legal pad and a Sharpie. “It’s been a long time since I’ve done this, so my spelling is going to be shit.”
Bax turned his head to the side, watching as she sketched out the tattoo. She fudged a few letters and scribbled them out, then drew the correct letter above the squiggles. After a minute, she lifted the page, holding it as far away from herself as she could, considering. Then she put it back on the counter and capped the Sharpie.
“That’s it, that’s the tattoo.”
“...Is that--what is that?”
“It’s Hebrew,” she said, then blew out an exasperated breath. “Well, okay it’s supposed to be. Obviously, the tattoo didn’t have the cross-outs.”
“He’s a rabbi. It’s Hebrew. How is this weird or embarrassing?” Baxter said, clearly expecting something much more dramatic. His expression said if she didn’t deliver, he was going to be very annoyed.
“You know tattoos are kind of athingwith observant Jews, right?” Shoshana and Baxter didn’t really deep dive into their respective religions. One, because Shoshana considered herself culturally Jewish, and two, because Baxter was a magpie who preferred to pick up the best bits of whatever he was interested in and she’d already told him it was weird for a non-Jew to have a mezuzah in their house.
“Kinda,” he said, his face saying the opposite.
“Technically I think the rule is no memorial tattoos, because something something ancient Egypt, but basically it’s a whole ‘defiling your body’ thing. So that he has one is itself potentially embarrassing.”
“Okay.”
She bit her lip, knowing she was flubbing the delivery, but also not sure how to make it better. Because now that she was halfway into it she realized it was one of those stories people outside the couple-bubble just nodded and smiled about. Whereas she thought it was the most adorable thing ever.
Abi and Leah would probably appreciate it. Maybe.
