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“You weren’t.” Eleanor hadn’t realized she had tears in her eyes. She cleared her throat and wiped her wrist across her eyes. “It’s fine, Sister. Really. I should be used to any mention of Mother. It has been eight years now.”
Cecilia’s expression softened, and she squeezed Eleanor’s hand.
“Something lost is something we never completely get over. To feel a great sadness in the years after losing someone you love is completely normal.”
“I’m glad you think so.” Eleanor managed to bring out her handkerchief and dabbed at her eyes. After rubbing them, they were stinging. “Others think I should move on and stop thinking so much about her as it makes me sad. You can’t be sad in this world,” she added with a roll of her eyes, “because it will upset everyone else and that’s not good.”
“We’re human, my lady. And we’re allowed to feel things, even if we can’t openly express them. No one is to tell you how to feel something.”
Eleanor found herself smiling. Cecilia was only a year or two older than her, but she was such a level-headed, calming influence. She was far more mature than she should be. Eleanor liked the nun. She was loving, and she didn’t shove her religious beliefs down Eleanor’s throat. Eleanor was happy to attend church and own a bible, but to be preached at for the slightest thing was going to drive her mad. Cecilia understood that life was not as smooth as the church made it out to be and humans could make mistakes. Eleanor would happily spend her days with the nun rather than with the ladies in society who talked down to her because she chose to be a spinster and not look for a husband.
There was far more in life than being a married woman. Especially if you chose the wrong man. Eleanor had been put off years ago by one man who wouldn’t take her refusal. The pursuing was frustrating, especially when others told her to stop being so silly as it was clear he loved her. Then Eleanor’s mother died, and she had more important things to worry about, such as her father spiralling in his drinking. Marriage was put on the back burner.
And Eleanor didn’t mind. Much.
“You’re a good person to be around, Sister Cecilia,” she said warmly.
“I do my best.” Then Cecilia’s smile faded a little when a loud female voice reached the laundry room. She sighed. “Although I can hear someone right now you certainly don’t want to be around.”
“Sister!”
“Well.” Cecilia spread her hands wide. “With Lady Chapman, it’s not uncharitable. It’s the truth.”
“Even so, coming from you…”
Cecilia winked. “I won’t tell if you won’t.”
Eleanor giggled. She couldn’t help it. And Cecilia did have a point. Lady Lorraine Chapman was often coming to the orphanage with a selection of clothes, books and toys that her children had grown out of or got bored of playing with. A lot of the toys were broken, but they were easily fixable with a couple of the nuns being skilled at mending toys. Eleanor had no idea why Lady Chapman wanted to do this as she clearly didn’t want to be in the orphanage; she kept looking at everyone like she had trodden in something bad. But her deceased husband, a prominent viscount, had been a frequent benefactor, as was his mother. So, Lady Chapman had to do the same. She wanted to beseenas doing good for the community.
Eleanor just saw a sullen, bitter woman who would happily spend her evenings sipping expensive wine and eating the best food created. The type of person in society Eleanor disliked and tried to keep away from.
Following Sister Cecilia out of the laundry room, the two women made their way to the lobby. A tall, slim woman with pale brown hair piled up and curled on her head stood with a maid a little way behind her, the maid holding onto a big, bulky parcel. There was always a presence around this tall beauty, but it just made Eleanor want to leave the room and have a wash. She had to admit that Lady Lorraine Chapman was beautiful, but her behaviour was something not to be desired.
The Countess turned and fixed Sister Cecilia with a glare as the nun entered the lobby.
“I thought this place was abandoned, Sister,” she said curtly. “I’ve been shouting for a while now.”
“We do not have the funds for someone to stand guard other than our porter Lawson,” Cecilia said coolly. “To what do we owe the pleasure of your presence, Lady Chapman?”
“I have some clothes that my children don’t fit into anymore.” Lady Chapman gestured at her maid to bring the parcel forward. “I had nowhere to take them, so you can have them.”
The maid approached Sister Cecilia and put the parcel into the nun’s arms. Eleanor wondered how many clothes Lady Chapman had donated and if they really were in good condition. Her children were five and eight and while they were growing, they went through clothes far too fast. Eleanor had a feeling that Lady Chapman spent money like it was water and then passed on things that weren’t part of fashion anymore. Not that any of the children were complaining, but it was a little excessive.
“Thank you, Lady Chapman.” Cecilia’s tone seemed patronizing. “This will be most helpful. Children are always growing up too fast.”
“Well, we don’t want them anymore.” Lady Chapman sniffed, then she looked at Eleanor, almost doing a double take. “Lady Eleanor? You’re here again?”
“Yes, I am here again.” Eleanor resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Everyone knew Eleanor spent her days here. “I spend most days here or when I’m needed. The children need to see a familiar face.”
Lady Chapman arched an eyebrow.
“Wouldn’t it be easier to get married and have children, so you don’t have to be a surrogate mother to these brats?”
Eleanor shouldn’t have been shocked at that, but she was. Lady Chapman was of the same age, and she seemed to take joy in reminding Eleanor that she had married well, and Eleanor couldn’t even get herself anyone interested in her.
She could have of course, but not anyone she wanted to be interested. Eleanor was content with her position, for the most part, but it was at times like this that Eleanor wished she wasn’t a minor noblewoman. She folded her hands in front of her and fixed Lady Chapman with a cool gaze.
“My calling is to look after those who cannot do it themselves. Look after those who are mistreated and ignored because they’re not considered worthy. And with regards to my marital status, I don’t think it is any of your business. That is mine alone.”
