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Marion tried to hold onto her emotions as she and Eleanor walked out to the stable to meet the gentlemen. Eleanor had dressed in her pale blue riding habit with a bonnet adorned with feathers, and looked very elegant. Marion almost felt too regal or old-fashioned alongside her, but tried to keep her nerves in check as they approached Nathan and Simon.
“Good day, ladies,” Nathan called, striding over to them with his beige riding coat rippling in the wind. “What a perfect day for a ride!”
He reached for Eleanor’s arm, and Marion couldn’t help but smile at the way Eleanor lit up around her husband, looking the most happy she had ever been whenever he was nearby. Nathan looked at Eleanor like he would die for her, cross oceans for her, and Marion’s stomach cramped with sudden disappointment. In marrying Simon, she was giving up on ever having that. A man who loved her as deeply as any man could love a woman.
Not wanting to intrude on the depth of feeling in her friends’ relationship as they walked arm in arm, Marion sped up her walk, despite the fact that it led her even quicker towards Simon.
“Good day,” he said awkwardly. He was standing beside the horses. A long black riding coat and black hat made him look slightly severe and serious, especially with the frown on his face.
“Good day,” Marion said meekly as she tried to maintain her composure. She automatically reached her hand out to tangle her fingers in the mane of the mare she usually rode. The silence between them lengthened. They watched as Nathan and Eleanor approached their own horses, laughing together intimately as a true couple might, before Nathan helped his wife mount her horse. Marion felt a longing when she looked at them together that was only increased by Simon standing stiffly nearby.
“Can I help you mount?”
His question was sudden, and when Marion turned to answer she was surprised that he had come close beside her, his hands caressing the fair Palatino’s nose. He didn’t look at her face, keeping his eyes on the beast before him, as if nervous for Marion’s answer. She found it oddly endearing.
“I should like that,” she said, allowing him to come beside her and put a hand around her waist. She pressed one hand into his shoulder and one foot in the stirrup as she launched herself up. Breathlessly, she looked down at him. He was carefully pulling the edge of her gown down over her boots, the way she had seen Nathan do for Eleanor. Marion wondered if he had done it because he saw Nathan do it, or if it was something he had done for his wife before she died.
“I was hoping to have some quiet words with you,” Simon said softly, finally lifting his grey eyes up to meet hers. As soon as he did, Marion felt an echo of the same frisson she had felt the night before. She swallowed, and nodded hard.
“Yes. Of course. Let’s do that.”
* * *
Simon waited until they had ridden away from the manor, down towards the deer park, before speaking to Marion, his words catching in his throat.
“So, I think we need to have a discussion about our engagement,” he said, keeping his eyes fixed ahead on Nathan and Eleanor as they rode in front. They kept a discreet distance appropriate for chaperones but suitable enough that he and Marion could conduct a private conversation as they rode side by side.
“Yes, I understand,” Marion said. “You were a true gentleman last night, but...I understand that this...I should understand if you felt unable to...”
She trailed off and Simon realised what she was trying to do. She was trying to give him a way out! He watched her face carefully, and saw there the glint of resolve in her eye: she was preparing herself for it, for him to renege on their agreement. He was filled with compassion.
“I meant every word,” he said quietly, eager to reassure her. “I would hardly be a true gentleman if I left promises unfulfilled in the cold light of day.”
“You are eminently kind.” She spoke with all appropriate reserve, but he thought he could hear a note of relief in her voice.
“However, it does seem salient that we might...discuss the terms of an agreement between us,” he continued, feeling his own awkwardness rise.
“Yes, I believe it is. Please, do go ahead, My Lord.”
Simon thought he could detect a tremble of nerves in her voice. This made him feel more comfortable, in a way, to know that she was struggling with their interactions too. He reminded himself that this arrangement could hardly be her first choice, no matter what she had said the night before about thinking she would never marry. When she imagined a potential proposal, it could not have been in the slapdash way they were cobbling together a match. He felt remorse that this was what she got, when most women got so much better. Still, it was better than scandal. Simon took a deep breath and pushed ahead.
“I should like to explain my reasons behind my actions last night—” he began.
“Please, My Lord, you - you have no need to,” Marion interrupted him uncomfortably. “I am grateful to you for what you did. You were right, I had drunk too much wine and…and you were only trying to help me.”
Marion sighed. Simon saw her clench her fists on the reins of her horse, as if she was controlling pent up emotions.
“I’m sorry that you became caught up in this. None of it would have happened if it weren’t for me.”
Simon was impressed by her composure. Last night had been difficult but she was responding admirably. “I worried that you might be angry with me, for stepping in like that,” Simon admitted, lifting his face to the cool air.
“I was grateful,” Marion said, quietly. “Iamgrateful, but…”
“But what?” Simon felt a surge of worry. Was she going to reject him? What would happen to her if she did?
“I - I understand that none of this was your choice and - and I want to be respectful of that. So, whatever…considerations you would like to discuss for our marriage, I would like to listen.”
Simon was soothed by her gentle and kind tones. He was reminded that under normal circumstances, in the past, he had found Marion to be a calming and friendly conversationalist. He was put at ease, and found it easier to say what had previously felt so difficult to form in his mind.
