AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“There can be no good reason.” Eleanor looked at her fiercely, with eyes full of love. “Nothing on heaven or earth could make abandoning you reasonable, dear Mari.”
Marion smiled and felt tears rising in her eyes at the dedicated loyalty of her friend.
“Perhaps you are right,” she said quietly. “Perhaps it is better never to know. To think of him as dead and gone and no longer a part of me.”
“I think so,” Eleanor nodded, “but what did Simon think when he heard the story?”
“I don’t know,” Marion shrugged helplessly, “he seemed…sorry for me, I suppose.”
“You did not talk about it afterwards?” Eleanor inquired.
“No,” Marion shook her head sadly. “We do not speak of the deeper things.”
“What do you mean?” Eleanor frowned.
Marion knew that Eleanor would struggle to understand her situation. Eleanor was lucky—she shared her whole heart and mind with Nathan without fear or restraint. She didn’t know what it was to be unsure or awkward with a husband, to not have a single, real idea of the inner workings of his mind.
“Well, we speak of daily events, the household, books. But we do not discuss what is in our thoughts or on our minds.” Marion sewed without really seeing where her needle went.
“Do you enjoy that arrangement?” Eleanor asked cautiously.
Marion knew that Eleanor was trying not to impose her own expectations of what a marriage should be on Marion, knowing of their unconventional beginning. But even so, Marion knew Eleanor well enough to see that she herself would find such a marriage most dissatisfying. Tucked far away from the rest of the house and with the gentlemen walking outside around the ground, Marion felt secreted away enough to be honest.
“I do, but…” she hesitated, a little afraid to speak her desires, even with her best friend. “I find that I should like more.”
“More conversation?” Eleanor asked eagerly.
“More of everything,” Marion sighed. “Sometimes I do not even feel like his wife, really, more like an acquaintance or…or a cousin.”
Her days were dedicated to keeping herself busy, running the household and becoming the best lady of Reading Estate that she could possibly be, but it did not feel like she washislady of the house. That honour still belonged to the long-dead Stella Burfield, with whom she was loath to compete for his affection.
Don’t be cruel,a little voice inside said,he is generous and kind and has saved you from scandal and that is all he promised to do—why long for more?
Because I want more,Marion realised, clutching the edge of her embroidery hoop tightly.
“Is there no attraction between you, then?” Eleanor whispered, leaning forward conspiratorially.
“I cannot say on his account,” Marion blushed. “I find him very handsome.”
She instantly thought of the way his dark hair curled across his brow, luscious locks that she longed to push her fingers into.
“But has he not shown you affection?” Eleanor pressed, deftly stepping aside Marion’s attempts at secrecy.
“We should not be speaking of such things!” Marion hissed.
“What?” Eleanor hissed back. “You are my sister, Marion! Did I not tell you everything when Nathan and I were married?”
It was true. Eleanor and Marion had shared a very private stroll around the grounds of Nathan’s estate, discussing the secret particulars of Eleanor’s marriage bed. Not because they were gossips—far from it—but without a mother figure between them, they had only one another to confide in. Yet despite Eleanor trusting Marion with her secrets, Marion still felt shame at her own.
“There is nothing to tell,” she said, badgered into words by Eleanor’s steady, expectant look. “Really, Ellie, there is…nothing.”
Eleanor instantly grasped the implication of her words and moved her chair even closer to her friends. Despite the fact that they would hear any servant coming down the long corridor, Eleanor still looked over her shoulder furtively before speaking.
“Am I to understand,” Eleanor said slowly, looking into her friend’s face carefully. “That the union remains…unconsummated?”
Marion couldn’t answer. She felt a shameful flush on her cheek and neck and nodded miserably. She swallowed back tears and took a deep breath before confessing her deepest fear.
“I am afraid that he will never wish to,” she whispered tremulously. “I don’t know what to do!”
