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Chapter 4
Anatonia
Itry not to break down as I watch him walk to his car. I fell for him and he was playing me the whole time. I slam the door and twist the knob in the center, releasing the heavy bars across the four sides of the door. It’s now latched to the wall and floor so he can’t pick the lock and enter my space again. I turn on rubber legs and make my way back into my loft. I latch that door the same way, trapping myself in my space. I can smell him all over my loft. I see every surface he fucked me on. All fucking, no making love, I justify in my mind. Nothing gentle and emotional. He’s just like my uncle’s men; he used my body to his enjoyment. I was nothing but a bludlivaya suka. A whoring bitch. I enjoyed it too. A sob rips through my body as I step into my room where his scent is concentrated. I aim my gun at the mattress and unload the magazine into it, shredding the sheets and sending mattress foam flying.
Turning away from the destruction, I walk into the bathroom and turn the shower to hot. Sobs escape me as soon as I step under the spray, and for the first time since I was five years old, I shed tears. They roll down my face as I fall to the shower floor. My body rocks as the memory slams through me.
“You are nothing but a whoring dog, Nadya. You allowed our fucking enemy to plow your body,” my uncle Konstantin yells at my mother as he slaps her face hard. She falls to the floor and I run for her. A man I don’t know grabs me and pulls me back, holding me away as my uncle kicks her.
“You said you wouldn’t hurt us. You promised you only wanted to see your niece and me. You said you forgave me,” she says.
His larger body leans over her and he grabs her by the face, squeezing so hard she cries out. “I lied.” He pushes her away from him and turns his back on her. His hand goes up and he waves it.
The men standing around watching approach her except the one holding me. They rip her clothes from her body. I watch them hurt her, knowing what they are doing to her isn’t good.
“Papa will kill you,” I scream, looking at my uncle. I’d only met him a couple hours ago when our flight landed. We left my papa back in Sicily; he didn’t know we were coming here. Mama said she needed to mend things with my uncle. I didn’t understand. I miss my papa. His kind brown eyes have never looked at me with anything other than love. This man, who Mama called my uncle, looks at me with hatred. He’s bigger than Papa and he’s angry at us.
He moves toward me. The man holding me stiffens.
“Don’t hurt her, Pakhan,” the man says. My mother started teaching me Russian as soon as I could talk. So I understand everything they are saying.
“I will do what I want, Grigori,” he growls, and smacks me across the face with enough force to knock me down if Grigori weren’t holding me up.
“She is an innocent in all this, Pakhan. She didn’t choose this.”
“No, she didn’t, and she will have no choice what I do with her now”
“Let me take her, Pakhan,” the man says.
“No,” he growls as he leans down in my face. “Little bitch, I will make you a weapon. You are mine now.”
“I want my papa.” I cry. I look over at my mother when she starts screaming my name.
“No! She is only a little girl, Konstantin. Don’t hurt her.”
He grips my face so tight my teeth cut into my cheeks. “Don’t cry, little bitch. You will never see your father again.” He shoves me back into Grigori and walks over to where my mother is lying. I watch as a couple men step aside and pull up their pants. Another man steps forward. The hate in his eyes when he looks at me causes me to recoil.
“Nadya, your betrothed was upset that you gave your virginity to that dirty Sicilian. He will take from you what you didn’t give him before. Maxim, finish her.”
The man starts to hurt my mama and she cries out. Tears roll down my face as I beg them to stop hurting her. I cry until nothing comes out of my eyes anymore. Until the sobs wrack my body.
“Little Ana, remember this day. Never forget how strong she was,” Grigori whispers in my ear. He pulls my head back against his shoulder. I watch as her eyes just stare at me, there’s nothing left in them. Uncle Konstantin approaches her as soon as Maxim is finished hurting her. He holds out a gun and shoots her. Her eyes never leave mine as she stops breathing. No amount of crying made the pain she had go away. No amount of tears stopped them from hurting her. Or killing her.
Grigori lifts me into his arms. His brown eyes take me in. He carries me up the stairs and lays me on a bed. He sits by the door as I lie there trying not to close my eyes. All I see is the life leaving her as she watched me.
“Little Ana, sleep. You will need your strength to survive this.” His soft voice comes from across the room.
“My papa will come get me,” I say, my voice full of confidence.
But Papa didn’t come, and I never saw Grigori again after that night. The kind man who held me as my mama died in front of me. Held me when the men raped her. I haven’t forgotten, and I remember the names of every man who raped her. I killed them all after I ran away from my uncle at eighteen, except for Ivan, who Natale killed.
The water is cold when I stand up, my legs rubber from kneeling on them for so long. Memories of kneeling in school for hours as punishment flash through my mind, and I squeeze my eyes shut. I’ve had enough memories tonight.
I change into a pair of black slacks, black jacket, and black shirt. Everything black like my mood. I don’t look at my bed as I arm up. I make my way down to the garage and slip into my black Jaguar F-Type. The garage door opens, and I pull out. Sitting there in his car is Vitaly. I pull up next to him and roll down my window as the garage door closes behind me.
He rolls his window down, his face hopeful. I pull my gun and shoot both the tires on the driver’s side.
“Don’t follow me or I will be forced to kill you. Go back home and tell your Pakhan you failed.” I take off before he can respond, and as I drive away, I call my cleaning service to come clean the whole loft, then I call some underling soldiers to remove the bed and destroy it.
