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“Anything special?”
“She said meat and for sure one with mushrooms and meat.”
“Okay, an extra meat and mushroom.”
“See you at six.” He hangs up, and I chuckle as I think about where he was before in life and where he is now. Where I want to be. I want to have that, and I think I know who I want to have that with, but she gave me a run for my money the last time I had her. Holding her in my arms was the most at peace I’ve felt in a long time. I didn’t have any nightmares until after I woke and found she had taken off. Then the nightmares came. The memories. The pain.
A couple hours later I’m pulling my flat black Tacoma up to Wes and July’s house. I notice a few of the guys’ bikes in the drive. I park along the street and walk around the hood. My eyes are immediately drawn to Sydney’s house. I want to see her. I miss the way her body fits against mine. I want to explore the feelings I have for her, but she ran from me. Opening the door to the passenger side, I pull out all the pizzas and kick the door closed behind me before making my way up the walk to the porch. I don’t knock, they are expecting me, but the door is opened before I can even grab the handle.
“You know where to put those.” Wes chuckles as I look around the living room. July is sitting on the sofa holding a baby girl and playing with her. I don’t know who she belongs to, and I don’t focus on her as I make my way to the kitchen. I immediately stop when I step through. Sydney is standing at the counter with her back to me in tight as fuck skinny jeans that show off her heart-shaped ass and long legs. I set the pizzas down and watch her for a moment. She struggles to get a cup down from the top shelf of the cupboard. Her small frame is up on a single tippy-toe as she strains to reach it. I notice she isn’t using her other foot; the ankle is not even flexed.
“Here, let me help you.” I walk up behind her. She spins so fast and cries out. Her hands come up in a defensive position, and I grit my teeth as I try not to read into what this shows. I’ll kill the man who hurt her. “It’s okay, spitfire, it’s just me. Let me help you.” I reach up and grab the cup she was reaching for. My body dwarfs hers as I cage her in against the counter. My cock lengthens behind my fly as she sighs and looks up at me through her thick, long lashes. Her green eyes are rimmed with dark circles that she’s trying to hide with makeup, but I can see them up this close. I set the cup down and slowly raise my hand to her cheek, my thumb rubs at the slight discoloration. “We need to talk, baby.” My voice is gruff, and I watch her body tremble, not in fear though, thank fuck. I pull her by the waist toward me.
“We can’t. Now isn’t a good time and I have nothing to say except thank you.”
“We have a lot to discuss. Like what are you doing Sunday?”
“Syd, I think Mari is getting hungry.” July interrupts us, and Sydney jumps to the side away from me. I drop my head.
“Thanks, July,” I grumble, and she giggles. I turn around and see the baby July is holding is now reaching for Sydney. I take her in more. Her skin is a tawny hue. She has soft umber curly hair, and her eyes are a beautiful hazel. Her nose and lips are her mother’s.
“You can nurse her in my room if you want privacy.” July offers, and now I get it. Sydney thinks I won’t want her because of her child. I don’t know where the father is or what part he has in Sydney’s life, but I know she’s single and it’s his loss. July and Sydney make their way out of the kitchen, and like the lovesick puppy I am, I follow along. I can’t have her close and not be in her space.
Sydney reaches for a diaper backpack and proceeds to open it up. She pulls out a couple of things and settles on a chair. I watch as she covers herself. Baby Mari pulls at the blanket and starts to fuss.
“Now that Mari is five months old, I think I’m going to have to stop nursing her soon. But I’ll enjoy it while I can. With my work schedule, I can’t keep pumping and giving her what she needs. I only nurse her when I’m off now, and she gets formula while at daycare,” Sydney responds to a question July asked. It must have been about nursing.
“I know you said it’s just Mari and you before, but what happened to Mari’s dad, if you don’t mind me asking?” July asks, and I focus on the question. Maybe I can get some information on the putz.
“He…” She pauses for a moment, and I’m on alert. “He died before Mari was born.” Her voice is soft and her eyes are focused on the blanket over her daughter’s head.
“I’m so sorry, Syd. I had no clue.” July moves over to where Sydney sits and rubs her shoulder.
I watch as Sydney composes herself. But it’s not tears I see in her eyes. Yes, there’s pain but also anger. Her teeth are gritted. Her jaw locked. Her body is tight. She visibly calms herself, and I watch as a fake smile comes over her features.
“We weren’t close.” She brushes it off and changes the subject.
A couple hours later after everyone has eaten and visited, I walk Sydney and Mari home. She tried to talk me out of it, but I still need to get her to agree to a date.
“You’ve had some time to come up with an excuse, so I’m not going to let you off the hook. If you can’t find a babysitter, I’m sure July would help.” I nod to Mari, who is almost asleep on Sydney’s shoulder. “I’ll pick you up at two on Sunday. Dress warm. Can I have your number?” I reach out and brush my hand down the side of her face.
“I guess,” she says softly and reaches into the baby bag for her cell phone. It takes her a moment of indecision before she unlocks it and hands it to me, and I call my cell from it.
“Now we have each other’s numbers. Don’t chicken out on me, spitfire.” I turn and head to my truck as soon as she’s inside her house.
I pull up to the compound with the feel of her soft skin on my fingertips and the look in her eyes. I wanted to lean down and kiss her, but I knew she would use that to push me away, and I’m not giving her any chance to get away from me. Sunday she is all mine.
CHAPTER4
SYDNEY
Sunday rolls around and I’m still tired, but I got some rest yesterday and cleaned the house. My mom is watching Mari for me today. I dropped her off and now I’m standing in front of my closet trying to figure out what to wear. I can’t imagine what he wants to do for the day, but he said to dress warm. I decide on a pair of tight black jeans with low heel boots, a black long-sleeved mock turtleneck sweater, and my black leather biker style jacket. I slip my beaded Zulu bracelets on my wrist. Every time I do this, I remember the girl who gave them to me. I won’t forget her name. It’s Mari’s middle name in her honor. That family saved me. Mari and I wouldn’t be alive without them. Taking a deep breath, I let the memories go. I can’t have a day with Tucker if I’m thinking of back then. Making my way into the bathroom, I flip my head over and rake my fingers through my waves to break them up and give them a wild look before I pull my hair back into a low ponytail.
I texted with Lydia for a bit, trying to talk myself out of this date. But she told me to take a leap and have some fun. She might be one of my closest friends, but like everyone around, she doesn’t know me. She doesn’t know what I went through. What I had to do. The choice I had to make. She only thinks with hearts in her eyes since she’s been married to her high school sweetheart and has been in love with him since she was fourteen. She is the mother to twins, a boy and a girl. I couldn’t tell her how Tucker makes me feel. How he saw too much of me on Friday. He saw the pain I hide under the makeup.
I put on the heavier foundation with my sponge to cover the dark spots from the nightmares that greet me every time I close my eyes. My eyes, I do a dark brown liner with a softer brown lid and a swipe of mascara. I’m one of those few gifted women with thick, full lashes and brows that I don’t have to color in, just brush. Grabbing my matte deep red lipstick, I color my lips and look at myself in the mirror. My happy persona is on. I smile but it doesn’t reach my eyes. Maybe one day I’ll fake it enough that I will truly be happy. Then I’ll sleep and be able to enjoy life again. For now, I’ll do the best I can for my daughter and those around me. I move out of my room to the kitchen and grab a glass of water to take the heavy-duty anti-inflammatory I still have to take for my ankle. I woke up with it stiff and I know it’s from all the walking I’ve been doing at work. If this keeps up, I’ll have to put on my brace for a few days, and I don’t want to do that. I don’t like feeling vulnerable. My black boots are cinched tight to protect the still healing limb, but it’s not just the ankle. My shoulder has been stiff too. I rotate it around to remove the ache as the doorbell chimes. I look at the stove clock and see it’s five minutes before the hour. I like that he’s early.
I swing open the door, and just like every time I see him, my heart stops. He’s dressed in dark blue relaxed fit jeans, brown boots, a black concert T-shirt with a flannel, and a leather jacket with his cut. His blond hair is getting longer and in need of a trim. The scruff on his face is slightly darker and begs for my hands to rub across it. His lips tip up and I take in his green-blue eyes. Eyes that have called to me in the night. He arches his brow and I know he said something that I missed.
