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Chapter Ten
LENNON
Life is kind of back to normal.
Except for the giant ball of hatred that lives inside my heart now.
It just sits there, black and thorny and mean.
I can pretend it’s not there, but it is.
Lennon Neil has become a person who hates. And he did that to me.
I sit at my desk in my room, planning out my next week, trying not to remember that I hate him when there’s a knock on the door.
I live by myself, so I’m the only one here to get it.
“Coming,” I say.
I don’t check the keyhole because I’m a rebel.
I open the door and the spiky ball of hatred inside of me pokes into the walls of my heart, raging mad.
“How the hell do you know where I live?” I ask Rayn.
He’s got his hands shoved into his pockets and this stupid-sad look on his face. It won’t work. Not that he’s come here to grovel or something. I’m sure he is here to tell me that he kicked a puppy. Because that’s how terrible of a person he is.
“I stalked you on Instagram. And found your friend Kellie,” he said.
“That bitch,” I whisper.
I start to close the door and he stops it with his giant paw of a hand.
“Can you just hear me out, please, Lennon?” he asks.
“Oh, another apology?” I ask. “You sure are great at these. Probably because you are so in the habit of giving them.”
He nods. “I know. You’re right. But I’m not sorry.”
My eyes widen. “You’re… not….sorry?”
“I’m not sorry that I didn’t have sex with you that day,” he says. “It was the right decision at that moment. But I am sorry that I didn’t realize sooner that I can’t just close myself off to loving you. I can’t feel nothing for you. It’s impossible. Because Lennon, you’re everything to me. I love you. I want to be with you. I want you in every way possible. And I was an idiot for thinking that I could just walk away. I was an idiot for even trying. Be with me, Lennon. For real.”
My jaw drops.
I was not expecting that.
Not an I love you.
Not a big grand speech.
I’m a better English tutor than I give myself credit for.
I shake my head.
“How do I know that you won’t do this to me again?” I ask him. “You keep getting close and then pulling away. How do I know that I won’t lose you again?”
He shakes his head. “Because I’m not myself without you anymore. I just didn’t see it. But I see it now.”
