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There are a lot of things about my path forward that I have questions about. I think my parents would love for me to take over the church. Or just stay in the church forever doing… something.
But I think that I want is much different.
I want to get drunk.
I want to go to a topless beach.
I want to do mushrooms at a concert.
I don’t want to go crazy off-the-rails like most preacher’s daughters do. I am not interested in being a cliche.
But I do want to live a life that isn’t so straight-and-narrow.
I am looking for a few zig-zags.
And then I can end up on my feet.
I don’t know what profession I want. I don’t know how many kids I want.
I just know that I want to live right now.
I feel the weight of a body sit beside me on the pier.
I look over and see Rex next to me, his feet dangling over the water. He doesn’t say anything. I don’t either.
There’s a warm hand covering mine. I look down and see the back of his hand.
He’s confusing me.
And I want to talk to him about it, but it’s quiet time and I don’t want to break the rules.
On the other hand, I am pretty sure that having sex on a Christian retreat is against the rules and I did that last night, so who the Hell cares if I talk during quiet time?
“What are you doing?” I whisper.
He looks at me, pretending to be shocked. “You’re breaking the rules.”
“Fuck the rules,” I whisper again. “What are you doing?”
He looks at me more seriously now. “I wanted to see you. And to talk to you. And to make a revision to my statement last night.”
I nodded.
I stare out into the water because I don’t know if I can really handle looking at him right now.
“I’m not the prince on the white horse. That part was true,” he says. “But I learned today from the Prison Speaker Guy that we are all just people. And I deserve a chance, too. So, I want a chance. With you. If you’re willing to give me one.”
I take a deep breath, because I was not expecting that one.
I look back at Rex.
“I never wanted the white horse prince,” I tell him. “All my life, I’ve been treated with too much care. Too gently. But yesterday, you and me, we were in it together. I make you better. You make me bad. And that’s exactly what I want.”
Rex raises one corner of his lip at me. “Are you for real?”
“I’m for real,” I say.
Rex leans over, hooks his hand around the back of my head, and pulls me in to kiss him.
