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“I’m sorry. It must have been painful to go through that,” she said, her mind whirling with questions. Their marriage had been short-lived, yet they had clearly reunited years later and conceived Violet. Although she yearned to ask Joshua that very thing, Honor didn’t feel she had the right to probe.
“You’re probably wondering about Violet, huh?” he asked.
She let out a sigh of relief. “To be honest, I am. Bud said you got married not that long after you left Love. There are some gaps in the story I can’t quite figure out. The timing doesn’t add up.”
“You’re right. I met Lauren in Singapore about four months after I left town. She was over there with her parents who were missionaries. We got married after a whirlwind courtship, then set up house as soon as we landed stateside.” He clenched his teeth. “It was foolish on both our parts. She was getting over someone who’d been killed in the army.” He locked gazes with Honor. “And I was still very much in love with you.”
Her stomach tensed. Joshua was basically telling her he had married his ex-wife on the rebound. It made her heart ache to hear it. At the very same time, Honor had been struggling to get over him and mourning the loss of their child.
Her throat felt dry. “Did you ever love her?”
He shook his head. “I cared about Lauren and I thought I was in love with her, but I don’t think either of us truly loved each other. Not in the truest sense of the word. If we did, I think we would have fought harder to stay together. It didn’t even come close to the way I felt about you.”
Something flickered between them. An electric pulse hummed and crackled in the air. Honor could almost feel her heart swelling inside her chest.
Honor frowned. “But clearly you must have reunited with Lauren when Violet was conceived?”
“There’s something I didn’t tell you about Violet,” Joshua said, a hint of strain in his voice. He hesitated for a moment. “It will probably answer a
ll your questions. She’s not my biological child.”
* * *
Honor gasped. He could see the surprise on her lovely face. Her blue-gray eyes widened. Her lips parted. Joshua could see the questions emanating from her eyes.
“Lauren and I stayed in touch after the divorce. Every now and again she would drive from Tacoma to see me and we would go to church together or eat at a nice Italian restaurant. She even introduced me to her boyfriend once. I got the impression she was looking for my approval. I didn’t hesitate to give it to her, Honor. He seemed like a good enough guy and I wanted her to be happy. She wanted the same for me.
“About a year ago, I got a call from her begging me to travel to Tacoma to see her. When I got there, I noticed two things. She was heavily pregnant and she looked really ill. She had dark shadows under her eyes and she was rail-thin despite her pregnancy. It was alarming.”
Honor frowned. “What was wrong with her?”
“She had breast cancer. And she suspended all treatment while she was carrying Violet. More than anything in the world, she wanted a healthy baby. The cancer was very aggressive though. Lauren knew she wasn’t going to make it. She was just holding on long enough to deliver her baby girl.” He swallowed past the huge lump sitting in his throat. “It turns out her boyfriend dumped her and bailed when he found out she was sick. He refused to step up as a father, so I agreed to assume that role. It gave her the peace she needed before she passed. I’ve never regretted it for a single second.”
She raised a hand to her throat. “Oh, Joshua,” Honor said, wiping away stray tears. Sniffling noises emanated from her. “Of course you don’t regret it. How could you ever?”
“Honor, she’s mine in every way that matters. It’s thicker than blood. I chose to be her father. I’ve been on my own with Violet since she was a few weeks old. I had no clue how to care for a baby or even change a diaper. But I knew I was her father. I loved her from the day she came into this world.”
Watching Honor’s emotional reaction caused a fierce response inside him. It felt as if his heart was being squeezed inside his chest. He hated to see her cry. He reached out and wiped away a tear as it slid past her lower lid.
Her lips trembled. “Joshua. What an unselfish act! You didn’t have any legal ties to Lauren, but you stepped in to raise her child. If you hadn’t done so, she might have ended up in foster care. She’s one fortunate little girl.”
“To be honest, I think I’m the blessed one. Being Violet’s father is the most important role I’ve ever played. It gave me a shot at redemption for all the rotten things I did here in town. It made me a grown-up.”
“I get it. God was watching out for Violet. And you as well. He put the two of you together and now you’re a family.”
Joshua grinned. “Yes, indeed. Now we’re a family. She’s my entire world.”
“I appreciate you sharing all of it with me. I know it’s quite personal.”
“So, now that I’ve told you my story, I have a question for you. Why are you still single?”
Honor bit her lip. “Hmm. That’s rather tricky to explain. After I refused to be a part of the Operation Love program, I think the local men gave up on me.” She twisted her mouth. “A lot of them are afraid of my brothers. Some folks think they’re intimidating.” She arched an eyebrow in his direction.
“Hey! I wasn’t afraid of them!” Joshua protested, holding up his hands.
Honor giggled and shook her head. “Whatever you say.”
“Well, maybe I was a little bit afraid of Boone,” he conceded. “He was mean. And he walked around with that gold sheriff’s badge on his jacket pocket. From the first time he saw me, your brother didn’t like me.”
