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“You’ve never really talked about her before. Or losing her,” Bella said.
Heath turned toward her and their gazes locked. Something flickered in Heath’s eyes that Bella couldn’t quite put a finger on. “Her name was Camila. And in my eyes she was the most beautiful woman in the world.”
Bella smiled. “That’s really sweet. Did she look like you?” she asked, curious to get a mental picture of Camila.
“No,” he said with a nod. “She was darker skinned than me. From what I was told my father was of Scottish descent, so I’m a mixture. My mother had long dark hair and the most beautiful brown eyes in the world. People always stared at her wherever we went. It was just the two of us against the world. I never knew my father. She used to cook Spanish food for me, recipes she learned from her grandmother. She called her abuela. I think abuela died when I was really little. I don’t have too many memories of her. We didn’t have a lot, but we had love and each other. I remember feeling well-loved until everything changed.”
“How did it change?”
“She stopped acting like my mother.” Heath’s voice sounded hollow. His expression was a bit fractured. He was peeling back the layers and revealing things he had always kept close to the vest.
“She was sleeping all the time. Not taking care of herself…or me.” Clearly choked up, Heath bowed his head. I-I think she might have been suffering from depression. Looking back, it all adds up.” He put his head in his hands, shoulders heaving.
“Take your time,” Bella said, reaching out and patting him on the shoulder. “I know it’s not easy reliving painful memories.”
He inhaled deeply. “I’ve kept it buried for so long. I think it felt like a violation of her to talk about her and how things were in our household before she died. And then life went on and I so wanted to be a part of my Donahue family, so I stuffed down all the memories that made me so uncomfortable. It hurt to think about her and how she died.”
“I get it. It still hurts for me to think of Mama,” Bella admitted.
“This is like an ache that never completely goes away. More than anything, I want to deal with it head-on. I want to get rid of the things that are weighing me down.”
She could tell that Heath was ready to tell her something monumental. The look on his face, his tense expression and the tortured vibe emanating from him all pointed at the same thing. She’d always known when he was about to drop something major on her. Bella felt as if she was holding her breath waiting for him to continue. Be patient, she reminded herself.
“I was a little kid, but I remember pill bottles and alcohol and having to fend for myself. There were plenty of days when there was no food in the fridge and I went to bed hungry. My clothes were dirty sometimes with no clean ones to be found. Before this turn of events she was an amazingly caring mother. She was so loving and attentive. It was like she disappeared into this little black hole and never came back.”
She bit her lip to keep from crying out. It killed her to hear these painful details of Heath’s early years. But she owed it to him to listen. If he had endured it, the very least she could do was hear him out as he poured out his heart and soul. She had never seen him so raw, so incredibly vulnerable and open.
“Mama used to walk me to the bus and make me breakfast in the mornings. All of that fell off and I had to do those things for myself. She used to have friends at our apartment. It whittled down to just the two of us. Our lives became really insulated. I remember feeling this overwhelming aura of sadness.” He shuddered. “I never want to feel that way again.”
“Heath. How did she die? What happened to her?” Although Bella knew she had to ask the question, a part of her didn’t want to force Heath to dredge up the painful memories. She hated to see him hurting. It felt like a dagger in the region of her heart.
Heath crossed his hands in front of him in prayer-like fashion. His brows were knitted together. His eyes looked a bit glazed over. For a moment Bella wondered if Heath had slid back in to the past.
“When I was eight years old, I came home from school one day and found her in her bedroom lying down. That morning she hadn’t roused when I tried to wake her up, although I could hear her lightly snoring. To tell you the truth, it wasn’t unusual for her to zone out. I remember being upset that she couldn’t walk me to the bus stop. That afternoon when I came home from school she wasn’t at the bus stop. When I let myself into the apartment and went to her bedroom, I realized she wasn’t moving. I knew something was terribly wrong.” Tears coursed down his face. “I reached out to touch her and her skin was ice cold. I think I knew right then she wasn’t coming back to me. I knew she was gone.”
“No, Heath! Oh no. I had no idea,” Bella cried out. Her heart ached for Heath and all the tragedy he had endured at such a tender age. She knew how terrible it had been for her and her sisters when their beloved mother had passed away. In some ways, they still weren’t over the loss. She wasn’t sure a person could ever get over such a void in their life.
He dragged his shoe in the sand, focusing his gaze on the ground. “I haven’t really talked about it with anyone. Ever. I think after I was adopted my parents tried to bring it up with me, but I shut them down.” He shivered. “It’s pretty horrendous to relive the worst moment of your life.”
“I can’t imagine how devastating that must have been for you to find her. You were so young.” Bella tried to hold back the tears but they spilled over her lower lid and splashed on to her face. She sniffed back the tears and tried to compose herself. This was about Heath and his emotional well-being. She needed to be strong for him.
She felt his arm around her shoulder and instinctively sank against him. “Don’t cry, Bella. It was a shattering experience, but it didn’t break me. Kids are resilient and I was no different. I rebounded with my forever family, the Donahue’s. I thank the good Lord every day for bringing them into my life. I can’t even imagine what might have happened if they hadn’t found me. Trust me, there were plenty of potential foster families I didn’t want to go home with. There was this one co
uple who seemed interested in me and they gave me this really creepy vibe.” Heath shuddered. “God blessed me with my forever family. I hit the jackpot when I became a member of the Donahue clan.”
Bella nodded. “You were both incredibly blessed. You were a wonderful addition to the Donahue family. I know how much Penelope and Jude love you, Heath.”
His lips turned upward in a shaky smile. “I love them too, although I have to admit I still have questions about my mother’s death. My parents didn’t know a whole lot about the situation. They said she overdosed on pills, which technically explains how she died, but I suppose there are things that still nag at me. I’ve come to realize that I need more answers. I think it will help me heal.”
“It sounds like you’re planning to do something about it.”
“I am,” Heath said. “I’m going to go searching for answers. Thankfully Parker and Jason are going to help me out.” He winked at her. “I’m reaping the benefits of having two Private Investigators for brothers. They’re the best of the best.”
“Are you sure you want to dig into the past?” Bella asked. She didn’t want Heath to end up chasing shadows rather than focusing on his future. What if he spent all this time seeking answers that led to dead ends? She didn’t want him to be disappointed.
“I’m very sure. For so long I’ve stuffed down my past and the memories that caused me pain. I don’t want to do that anymore, Bella. I want to be free. Free to move forward with my life without the shadows.” Heath reached out and squeezed her hand. “I want to share things with you. I want to show you that I’ve changed for the better. I’m trying to become a better man, which will make me a better father to our child.” He grinned at her. “And hopefully it will make me a fantastic husband one day for a very special woman.”
Bella shook her head. She knew Heath was talking about her. He hadn’t given up on the idea of them getting married. Truthfully, she didn’t know whether to be annoyed or flattered.
