AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Was it that bad?”
“Not always. There were lots of good things about being a pastor’s daughter. But the expectations...I can’t say I enjoyed that part. I held a lot inside.” Her face held a wistful expression. “I wish I’d been allowed to fail as many times as I flew. It wouldn’t have been so devastating when it all fell apart. Does that make sense?”
Tate nodded. “It makes perfect sense. Failing would have given you some perspective.” His voice got quiet. “I wish you would’ve told me that back then. Maybe you wouldn’t have felt so alone.”
How could he not have seen all her turmoil? They’d been so close, practically joined at the hip. His thoughts were full of the past, full of his relationship with Cassidy. More than anything he’d thought they’d shared a solid friendship. Perhaps if he’d known all the pressure she’d been under, things might have been different. Perhaps she wouldn’t have hightailed it out of town when everything had gone so terribly wrong. At least now he understood how much stress she’d been under leading up to the accident.
She wrinkled up her nose. “I don’t think I was very honest with myself back then,” she admitted. “I was too busy keeping up appearances. It took me several years to come
to terms with things.”
The hospital room door swung open with a creak, and Pastor Blake stepped out into the hallway. The strain of his wife’s health crisis had left telltale signs on his face. Tight lines had formed at the sides of his mouth while his complexion had a grayish tinge. He’d never seen him look so vulnerable.
Cassidy jumped up from her seat, her eyes wide as she asked, “What are the doctors saying?”
Pastor Blake placed his hand on Cassidy’s shoulder. “She’s doing fine. They said she was dehydrated and hadn’t taken in enough fluids or food today,” Pastor Blake explained. “Basically, she overextended herself. Her immune system is weakened due to the chemo, so she really has to make sure to eat throughout the day and drink plenty of fluids. They’re going to keep her in the hospital for a few days so they can stabilize her electrolytes and monitor her.”
Cassidy’s shoulders sagged with relief and she let out an emotional cry. “Thank the Lord!”
Tate reached out and clasped Pastor Blake’s hand in a gesture of solidarity. Just then a few parishioners made their way toward them from the waiting room. Mona Jackson, Doc Sampson and Tate’s deputy Cullen Brand were among them. As he watched Cassidy and her father draw comfort from the congregation, a feeling of peace settled around his heart. Cassidy was home, back in the bosom of her family and the congregation. Even though some people in West Falls objected to her being back in town, there were many others who rejoiced at her homecoming. It was what he loved most about his hometown—the way the community gathered together in times of hardship.
It was time for him to go. Now that he knew Maylene was fine and that the Blakes were being supported and loved, he had no business being here. It was way too dangerous to his peace of mind to be around her. He met Cassidy’s gaze, letting her know with a hand motion that he was on his way out. She mouthed her thanks, then flashed him a sweet smile.
He felt Cassidy’s eyes on him as he strode down the hallway. Although he was tempted to turn around and catch one last glimpse of her, he suspected it would only make the conflict raging inside him that much worse.
Chapter Five
The past forty-eight hours had been an emotional roller coaster. Although she was thankful her mother was being released from the hospital this afternoon, she was still consumed with worry about her health. She had spent the better part of the morning with her mother, meeting with her oncologist and discussing postsurgical options. Seeing her mother looking so fragile in her hospital bed had frightened her. It reminded her that life was a tenuous thing, impermanent and unpredictable.
At the moment her mother was downstairs in the oncology wing having some tests run. She was still scheduled for surgery in a few days, and the doctors were checking to see if her chemo treatments had reduced the size of her tumor. Even though Cassidy’s main concern was her mother, a million questions about Tate were still rolling around in her head. Although it seemed at times that he was thawing toward her, there was still a gap between them the length of an ocean. Instead of working at making amends, she’d found herself daydreaming about what her life might have been like if she hadn’t left town.
Would her life have been different if the accident had never happened? It was a question she liked to toss around in her head every now and again. Would she be married to Tate with a few children running her ragged? Or would they have outgrown each other and gone their separate ways?
If only she didn’t have so many powerful memories of the two of them. She’d been happy then, hadn’t she? And happy with the person she was whenever she was with him. With Tate, it had always been enough just to be herself. Which made it all the worse that she’d treated him so shabbily.
Had she made the worst mistake of her life in leaving West Falls?
Tears ran down her face, and her shoulders heaved under the weight of her sobs. Being home was so much more of an emotional journey than she’d anticipated. For someone who was used to hiding her feelings, it was therapeutic to allow herself to give in to the tidal wave. When her mother was wheeled back into the room, Cassidy didn’t bother to conceal the fact that she’d been crying. She was done disguising her sentiments since all it had ever done was magnify them by tenfold.
“Baby, what’s wrong?” Maylene asked as she stood up and hurried to her daughter’s side. She sat down next to her on the hospital bed, placing her arms around Cassidy’s shoulders and pulling her to her side, her eyes filled with compassion.
“I’m sorry, Mama,” she said as she swiped at her eyes. “I don’t know where all this is coming from. I’m supposed to be your rock, not the other way around.” She tried to collect herself. Right now her focus should be on her mother, not Tate.
“Shhhh. I’m your mother. That’s my job,” she cooed as she wiped away her tears. “To tell you the truth, I’m sick and tired of being poked and prodded. I need a distraction from all this talk about cancer. Talk to me. It’s been so long since you’ve poured your heart out to me, Cass. I want to feel like your mother, not some invalid in a hospital bed.”
Maylene was staring at her with pleading eyes. Perhaps she was scared and nervous about her upcoming procedure. Perhaps she was just tired of all the worrying about test results and surgery. Right now she just wanted to be Cassidy’s mother. And Cassidy couldn’t think of anything in the world that she needed more at this moment.
“I’m just so confused about Tate. I put my foot in my mouth the other day by asking about Holly. He gave me the big ole Texas slap down. Told me never to ask about Holly again.” She sniffled to hold back the tears. “He said I don’t deserve to ask about her. And he’s right. What made me think I could ask about her?”
Her mother made tutting sounds. “No, he’s not right. And he’s not wrong either. He’s a brother being protective of his sister. He always was, even before the accident. You know that. When you were kids he barely let her out of his sight. He’s got a chip on his shoulder a mile wide, partly because of Holly’s condition and partly because of the way you left. It really did break his heart.”
Cassidy covered her face with her hands and let out a shuddering sigh. The very thought of causing Tate so much pain rocked her to her core. And shamed her.
“Then my car broke down and he ended up giving me a ride home,” she continued. “He was actually nice to me. But then he couldn’t wait to leave. Same thing happened at the bazaar. We were talking and getting along fine until I made an off the cuff remark. He told me we were strangers. And then the other day he stopped by the hospital to check on us.” She wrapped her arms around her middle. “I really want to make amends, but I keep hitting brick walls with him.”
“He’s a kind, generous man. It’s in his nature to be that way, so I’m sure he’s torn about how to treat you and how to feel about you. He’s had a long time to let those wounds fester. He has a lot of pride. You can’t expect him to pretend as if nothing ever happened.” She reached out and grasped Cassidy by the chin, turning her face so that she could look her straight in the eye. “Please don’t forget that God won’t ever give you more than you can handle.”
Her lips trembled with emotion. “Forgive me, Mama, but sometimes it seems as if He does give me more than I can handle. I wish I were strong like you.”
