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“That’s an understatement,” Holly said with a harsh laugh. “We were best friends! There wasn’t anything we didn’t share. Hopes, dreams, disappointments. We were always there for each other. Yet when I needed you most—you bailed on me.” The tone of her voice suddenly became sharp. “You should have been there! And it had nothing to do with you being the driver when the accident happened. It had everything to do with supporting me through the darkest hours of my life. Nurturing me. Holding my hand.” Her voice became clogged with emotion. “I was scared—and depressed—and angry at God. Where were you, Cassidy? Where were you?”
Holly let out a hollow laugh. “Oh, yeah, I forgot. You were at art school in Phoenix.”
Cassidy cringed when she heard the bitter tone in Holly’s voice. It wasn’t easy to face the hurt and anger head on, but she understood where the feelings came from. She’d abandoned her. Like a thief in the night she’d slipped out of town without even a single word of goodbye. For what it was worth, she could tell Holly about all that she’d been through after she left West Falls—her own fear and loneliness, the endless night terrors and the gaping hole in her heart that nothing in Phoenix could fill up. But this wasn’t about her suffering. It was about making amends for the pain she’d caused Holly. It was about acknowledging that as much as she’d loved her best friend, she’d failed her on so many levels. And now all she could do was speak from the heart.
“I’m so sorry, Holly. For the accident. For what happened to you. For leaving. What I’m most sorry about is that I wasn’t a better friend. I should have stuck by you. I should have been right by your side when you were in the hospital. And I should have held your hand and told you jokes and let you lean on me. Because the one thing I do know without a shadow of a doubt is that you would never have walked away from me.” She clenched and unclenched her hands. “It’s not that I didn’t care. I did. I still do. So very much. I was just so afraid of facing charges and being arrested that I let the fear take over. I thought running away was the answer. I’m so ashamed of that.”
The room was silent as Cassidy’s apology settled in. Tears pooled in Holly’s eyes, and she wiped a few stray ones from her cheeks.
When she spoke her voice was soft and husky, brimming with emotion. “For so long I blamed you. For the accident. For the fact that I wasn’t wearing a seat belt. I think I even blamed you for the rain-slicked roads that night. Most of all I blamed you for breaking Tate’s heart.” She let out a harsh laugh. “I don’t blame you anymore, Cassidy. I forgave you a long time ago. But forgiving you doesn’t absolve you from all the hurt you caused. I’m sure you know that.”
Cassidy shook her head in disbelief, unsure of whether or not she’d heard Holly’s words correctly. Of all the people in West Falls, surely Holly had the most reason to harbor grudges against her. And yet she was the one offering forgiveness?
Tears misted in her eyes and she blinked them away, unwilling to give in to the emotion of the moment. “How? Why?” she asked, feeling choked-up. “I put you in that wheelchair. I should never have acted so irresponsibly that night.”
“We were all irresponsible. We were all part of that stupid game. It so easily could’ve been me who slid off the road. Or Regina. It was just plain bad luck that it was you, Cass.”
Tears streamed down Cassidy’s face and she did nothing to stem the tide. Holly’s words had lifted a huge weight off her shoulders. She felt lighter than she’d felt in years. Forgiveness was so much more than a word. It was a living, breathing thing. A gift from the heart.
Cassidy bowed her head. “For so many years I didn’t think I was worthy of forgiveness. I still struggle with that idea. For years after the accident I didn’t pray. I thought God had turned his back on me, so I turned my back on him.”
Holly nodded her head vigorously. “Sounds a lot like what I went through. I came to church one Sunday after a whole year of avoiding it. What kind of God, I asked myself, would allow me to lose the use of my legs? I was lost. Broken, both literally and figuratively. And then during the service, your father started reading from Isaiah. If I live to be a hundred I’ll never forget what he said.” Holly’s eyes were shining with emotion and she looked more joyful than Cassidy had ever seen her. “Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles.” Holly shut her eyes and bowed her head down. “I felt like he was talking directly to me. From that point on I held on to hope and I let go of all the bitterness. I’m just sorry that I didn’t reach out to you to let you know. I can’t imagine what it must’ve been like to carry all that guilt around with you.”
“It’s okay. When I sent you all those letters I figured you didn’t want to have anything to do with me. I understood.”
Holly scrunched up her forehead, confusion stamped all over her face. “Letters? I never got any letters.”
Cassidy paused, not certain she’d heard Holly correctly. “What? You’re kidding, right?”
“I wouldn’t joke about something like that. I would have given anything to get a letter from you. A phone call. Anything.”
You could’ve called, written, sent a text.
Tate’s words came floating back to her. She’d been so crestfallen when he’d laid into her in the diner that she hadn’t even challenged his accusation. She hadn’t wanted to point out that she’d written Holly dozens of letters. But the truth was now coming out. Holly had never received a single one of her letters. Her words, her most heartfelt apologies had been in vain.
“Wait till I get my hands on him!” Holly snarled. “Tate has gone too far this time.” She quickly wheeled herself toward the door.
“No, Holly! Don’t!” she cried out. The thought of Holly and Tate going head-to-head was almost too painful to bear. A healing moment had just taken place inside this room and she didn’t want it to be soiled by accusations and blame.
Holly swiveled her head around, locking eyes with her. The expression on her face was fierce, her blue eyes stormy. “I’m not letting him get away with this!” she said through gritted teeth.
Cassidy held up her hands. “Hold on a second. The Tate I used to know wouldn’t keep my letters from you. Think about it, Holly. He’s always had a hard time lying. Do you really think he would’ve been able to keep this a secret from you all this time?”
Cassidy searched Holly’s face, hoping that her words had sunk in. The last thing Main Street Church needed was an irate Holly confronting Tate inside it. She knew her friend well enough to know she was fully capable of doing it.
Holly let out a deep sigh, her slight body shuddering with the effort.
“You’re right. That’s not Tate’s style. Even when we were kids he felt bad telling a lie.” She shook her head. “But if it wasn’t him, then who was it? It’s gonna eat me up inside if I don’t figure it out.”
“How can I ask for forgiveness if I’m not willing to give it myself? It doesn’t really matter who intercepted the letters. All that matters is that you believe I sent them.”
“I believe you. Whenever you tell a lie your face turns red and you start stammering. Remember that time in third grade when you lied to Mrs. Adams about putting the frog in Kenny Hendrick’s lunch box?”
They looked at each other for a moment before bursting into giggles. The giggles became snorts until they were both holding their sides with merriment. Tears born of laughter streamed down their reddened faces.
“Poor Kenny!” Cassidy said as she swiped at her eyes with the back of her hand.
