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For two days, Grim left me alone. He knocked once and asked to come in, but I shook my head at Sasha. It was easier and less painful for us both if I didn’t prolong my departure. Once I was recovered enough, I asked Sasha to get ahold of Bodie. He brought the bags I’d left at home before I was taken by Acid. I borrowed a suitcase from Sasha and filled it, ready to say goodbye to my life in Nevada.
I needed a clean break. Again.
“Are you staying here with Bodie?” I asked after I called for a cab.
“I love him, Trish. I want to see if it can work out between us. I want to try.”
“I’m happy for you, babe.” I gave her a hug and then stood, picking up my suitcase and pausing by the door.
“I’ll walk out with you,” she announced.
“Why are goodbyes so hard?” I asked, trying not to cry.
“There’s nothing happy or good about it,” she agreed.
Grim stood next to Bodie as I walked into the common room of the Crossroads. The cab pulled up and honked as I approached him, tears lingering in my eyes that I tried hard not to spill. “I have to go, Grim.”
He nodded as his fists clenched at his sides. I could sense the powerful and raw emotion that was barely contained. Grim was so calm on the outside but I knew he didn’t feel that way internally.
“I can’t do this. I’m not,” I faltered, placing a hand on his arm. “This life isn’t for me.”
He managed to clear his throat enough to speak. “I understand, Trish. I wish you well.”
“You, too. Always, Grim.” I let the suitcase drop to the floor.
He didn’t ask where I was going, and I didn’t say as I leaned in and hugged him around the waist before picking my suitcase back up and walking out the door.
“I’m happy for you,” I announced as I slapped Bodie on the back. “Don’t take a single moment for granted, brother. A woman like that is a rare find.”
“I know,” he acknowledged. “I won’t.”
My chest was so tight I didn’t know how I was upright and breathing. My light was gone. My Trish leaving my life for good this time. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do.
“I’m sorry, Grim.”
“Don’t be,” I replied with a tight smile. “Maybe someday I’ll find what you have and then it will all be worth it.” I walked away before he could answer.
My head and my heart were stirring with emotions I didn’t want to acknowledge tonight. When my Reaper was this restless and I was left with that twitching under my skin and the achiness deep in my bones, only one thing worked. Every member of the club felt the same pull.
At night, when the sky was pitch black and not a soul stirred outdoors, that was when the Bastards of Tonopah, NV liked to ride with a little Hellfire spinning on their wheels. It was the one option above all others that appealed to my Reaper. He was scratching at the surface of my skin, nudging my body for some kind of release. If it wasn’t inside a woman – specifically my Trish – then it would be on the back of my Harley.
The sky had darkened to pitch by the time I left the Crossroads and the only things visible were the stars as I drove way out into the desert. By the time I reached my destination, I was one with my Reaper. He rushed forward as my bike caught fire and the three of us merged together as one. I let my thoughts drift away as I unleashed the rage, pain, and bitterness anchored deep in my blackened soul.
More bikes joined my own and I knew that ache in my chest and the haunting need to release tension had been felt by the entire club. We rode out in the desert for hours until a serene calm descended over my body and mind. Trish needed time. I could give her that. She never said she didn’t accept me. In fact, she rejected my life in the MC but never me or my Reaper.
That was an important distinction and one I needed to remember.
Time would march on and I needed to be the man that my Trish felt like she could come home to when she was ready. The next day, I had meetings and my schedule was full. Up early, I walked the length of the compound and opened the repair shop, taking my time and letting the normalcy of life creep back in. I’d forgotten the man that I was and who my father raised me to be.
I’d been lost in darkness and the need for revenge. Acid’s death proved the only peace to be found was the one I made with myself. Losing Trish proved I had changes to make and I wanted to be the president this club deserved so I could be the protector my woman counted on.
Weeks turned into months and I kept the same routine. I opened the shop every day. Got up early and took care of my business. When the Russians made their appearance and fucked with Azrael, I let him seek his own vengeance. He found a sexy little nurse named Nylah and she stuck by his side. Both Solonik and Voltoy learned fast that our Reapers didn’t mess around. Jameson was home in NOLA as pres of the RBMC and life was crazy but manageable.
Patriot was no longer suffering from PTSD and Nylah’s sister Naomi found her savior in Patriot. He was fiercely protective over her and a side I’d never seen of that Marine shined through. Brothers were finding love and it was a bittersweet reality for me. I didn’t begrudge their happiness. I just wanted a little of it for myself.
When I got back from NOLA, we found a shit show waiting for us. That Russian Solonik knew we took out his nephew Voltoy. He attacked the Crossroads while we were gone. Ended up a brutal showdown when I found Solonik and Rael and I ended that sick motherfucker. Brothers were injured in the attack, and Patriot had been shot in the chest trying to save Nylah and Naomi. Naomi was also in critical condition in the hospital after Solonik shot her up with drugs and she nearly overdosed.
I was on my way to Mt. Grant General Hospital this afternoon to check up on both Patriot and Naomi. Later in the afternoon, I planned to sit everyone down at church and figure out how we were gonna handle the attack on the Crossroads. We needed to send a message to those Russian assholes as well as Razr and the rest of the Scorpions MC.
