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“How did I get here?”
I hesitated for a moment, deciding whether to tell her the truth or give her the pre-rehearsed speech that had been impregnated into me since the moment she arrived.
I drowned in the depths of her deep blue eyes, suddenly torn. She’d have to find out the truth on her own. I couldn’t risk my own neck for a simple dalliance of pleasure.
“You don’t remember?”
Her eyes fluttered left and right, trying to discern the events of that night. I could sense her agitation. “What’s wrong, Alice?”
“I need to know.”
“I can’t tell you that.”
“Blood.”
That one word caught my attention. “What?”
“There was blood on my hands. On my clothes. Where is the blood?”
Frowning, I feigned ignorance. “There is no blood, Alice.”
“I know! Where is it? Where did it go?”
I watched her tentatively, surprised by the vehemence in her voice. “Why don’t we start from the beginning?”
“I don’t want to start from the beginning!” The chains rattled as she tugged on them, her tone furious. “I want to go home.”
Leaning forward, I caught her gaze. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed,” I spread my arms looking around the empty solitude that surrounded us, “but I’m your only way home, Alice.”
She paused, her resolve wavering. Concern etched into her brow as she slowly shook her head. “You have no idea what home is.”
“Then why don’t you tell me, Alice. Show me.”
Her laugh was profound, an eerie sound that filled the stillness of the open space. And then she fell silent, her expression so forlorn I almost regretted the entire conversation. “All I see are remnants. Shadows of fading memories that seem to want to flutter out of my grasp before I can pluck them out into reality.” She stared dead into my eyes, her face taking on the innocence of a child’s. “I want them all back. Bring them back to me, Doctor.”
Her voice held a hint of desperation and I knew she needed my help. Everything in me wanted to guide her, to help her, but I couldn’t. The chains on her wrists only reflected my own. I was just as much a captive as she was.
Wonderland was no small organization. It was a way to trap some of the most virginal of souls and corrupt the innocent into their dark and treacherous lairs. The more time you were held captive, the deeper you’d fall, until there was nothing left of the person you once were. Alice had wanted out, but there was no escaping Wonderland.
“Only you can bring those memories back, Alice.”
“How?”
Contemplating the best answer, I tapped the tip of the pen against my lips.
I had to be careful here. My duty was to keep her in the shadows.But maybe . . .
“Follow your heart, Alice. Allow yourself to feel more than just the pain. There’s more to life than pain.”
“How would you know? You seem to be all put together, Doctor. Good schooling, a bright future. I bet you’ve never experienced an ounce of pain in your life.”
I nodded at her defensive response. “Everyone experiences pain in one way or another, Alice.” The words were true even if they were clinical.
“My pain is what lets me know that I’m still alive.”
I couldn’t tell if she was playing mind games or truly believed that pain was her way out. Maybe it was a little of both. Maybe in the mix of all the pleasure that was forced upon her, pain was her answer, her defining anchor.
She wouldn’t be the first who had taken it as so.
