Page 53 of Alice in Chains


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She was right to think this way. I hadn’t proved my devotion or the extent of my feelings. I’d made one wrong choice after another. I deserved her condemnation. “You have no idea what I’ve endured in this place.”

She stroked my cheek, a sad smile playing on her lips. “I can only imagine. No one wants to be kept in Wonderland. You’re one of the lucky ones. You only get to watch.”

There was no point in contradicting her. It was counterproductive. Someday I’d tell my story, but she wasn’t ready to listen yet. “Tell me what you remember?”

She remained silent and I was losing my patience. “I need to know, Alice.”

“I don’t want to play this sick game anymore! I don’t trust you.”

She was lying. “After all this time, even after what we shared, you can still say those things?”

Tears filled her eyes and slipped down her cheeks, searing my heart with every drop. I dragged a chair over by her side of the bed, and leaning forward, I stroked her cheek with all the tenderness I could muster. “No more games, Alice. Let me help you. Please, tell me what you remember.”

As I stroked the skin of her neck and her shoulders, slipping down to caress her arm, she began to speak to me once again. Only this time, it was from actual experience. No drugs, no teas, this is what she remembered, each painful detail exposed in the light of day.

“The evening Absolem came into my life was the beginning of the end, a spiral downward and loss of control that I was too naive to figure out until it was too late.” She sighed and I waited patiently for her to continue. “I was eighteen. Legal. My birthday had been a few weeks prior and I wanted to celebrate now that I wasn’t confined to my strict home anymore. I’d always lived out in the suburbs and far from the inner city. Downtown was home to a wide variety of clubs and bars, many of which didn’t care if you were twenty-one as long as you were legally at least eighteen. No minors.”

“Sadly, I know that’s true,” I admitted as she paused.

“Now that I think about it, fate must have intervened. I was destined to meet Absolem that night. He was handsome, charming, charismatic even and I never suspected that he wanted far more than I was ever willing to give. He played on my innocence and sheltered upbringing. Every visit and night out with Absolem led me further down the path of degradation and sin.”

Her eyes filled with tears as she shook her head. “You don’t understand what it was like for me.”

“Then tell me, help me understand, Alice.”

“I was brought up in a strict and religious home. My parents read the bible every night out loud. They were purists. I was so young and rebellious. All I cared about was getting out into the world. Absolem opened a door and offered a chance to experience things I only dreamed about.” Choking on a sob, she gripped the rails of the bed tighter. “His deception hurt the most out of everyone at Wonderland. He was the one who brought me to Dominic. Because of him, I losteverything.”

“He used and deceived you,” I repeated, mirroring her words. “I can understand how that would be devastating. He led you right into the mouth of hell.”

“Exactly,” she whispered, chest heaving. “It was how he operated though. As time went on, I saw his routine. He would begin friendships with the girls and gain their trust only to betray them later when it was too late for them to walk away. For some reason, he was different with me. He didn’t take my virginity like he did so many others. He kept me pure . . . for Dominic.”

I was filled with rage as her voice broke. The knowledge that Dominic had taken Alice’s virginity made me want to act out irrationally. I couldn’t act on that impulse now but someday I would make that bastard suffer for what he did to my sweet Alice.

She stopped speaking and looked up with deep sorrow. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore. It’s too much.”

I nodded with understanding, swallowing the lump in my throat. “Do you realize what you’ve done to me, Alice? What you’re about to make me do?”

Her eyes avoided mine as she stared down at the chains that had probably marred the flesh on her wrists permanently. “I’m only a toy to you, Doctor. Did you not enjoy me last night? Do you want more? Is that the point of behaving this way? Acting like you care so deeply.”

She had it all wrong. This was only a ploy to force me away. I’d gotten too close.

“I want so much more than I can ever express, Alice. I won’t deny that. But I also won’t hold you against your will.” She didn’t realize what I’d decided. She was so blind. My poor, sweet girl.

“No, you’ll just fuck me against it.”

What a vicious thing to say. If it came down to it, I would have stopped last night. We both knew it.

“That . . . that wasn’t supposed to go that way, but you wouldn’t listen. I had to make you understand.”

“So you’ll just insert your dick inside of me to make me shut up? Well done, Doctor.”

Instantly pissed, I reacted badly.

“It’s not like you didn’t cum from it several times.” My anger was now coming to a head. I’d reached my limit. She was treating me as a rapist even though she gave in easily last night, moaning my name.

Her eyes met mine, glimmering with heat and anger. Fuck, I loved to see her this way.

Fight me, Alice. Hate me. It’s the only way. I can’t let you leave otherwise.

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