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I keep my gaze locked on the bowl, my body shaking under his heated glower penetrating my forehead. Tears burn my eyes. He sounds so angry like this is all my fault, but I know it’s his. Everything starts connecting together in my mind. How could I be so foolish?
Joel shakes me. “Raven, don’t you?” he repeats.
Still, I can’t get myself to look up or respond.
Grabbing me by the back of the head, Joel yanks my hair, forcing my gaze up to his. I drop the bowl of applesauce on the floor, and it splashes all over our feet. Fear seizes my chest with his rage. I don’t know what comes over me, but I swing my hand out and slap him.
“You’ve been drugging m-me,” I say, stumbling away from him.
His surprise over my slap only makes him hesitate for a moment.
I scream and try to get out of the way, grabbing onto the torch lamp just outside the hallway and in the living room to knock it in his path. “Stay the fuck back, Joel! If you don’t, I’ll go to the police. I’ll tell them what you’ve done.”
I regret my threat immediately. I should’ve known better than to piss him off even more.
Lunging at me, Joel grabs the front of my shirt and forces me against the wall. I squeeze my eyes shut as he swings in anger, punching me in the cheek. Pain swells through me, and I lose my footing, my body wanting nothing more than to cower.
“Don’t you ever fucking threaten me, you crazy bitch,” Joel mutters, a deep guttural noise escaping his mouth. “I’m trying to take care of your damn ass. Whatever the fuck you think you saw is in your damn head. You’re sick. Seeing things.”
Tears leak down my cheeks, and I heave a shuddering breath. “You’re r-right.” I can barely get the words out. “I’m sorry.”
The fury in his brown gaze diminishes, and a cocky-bastard smile tugs at the corner of his lips. If I know one thing about Joel, it’s that he always thinks he’s in the right. I don’t even care if he isn’t. All I want is for him to back up and leave me alone. I want the chance to get up and run. He’s fucking drugging me. Making me sick. I saw him do it with my own eyes.
But if I leave...
I can’t stay here. I can’t.
I slowly shift to my elbow. “I’m sorry,” I repeat. “I’m just feeling sick. It’s making me crazy.”
Grabbing my hand, Joel yanks me off the floor and sets me on my feet. He drags his gaze over my body like he’s looking for another part of my body he can hurt next. I can only imagine what he’ll do later.
Joel touches my cheek, pushing my hair behind my ear. It takes everything in me not to recoil from his touch. “I’m only trying to take care of you, baby. You know that I love you. I want to marry you for fuck’s sake. I don’t know why you always have to give me a hard time. Have you been talking to Tamia again? She putting thoughts in your head?”
My bottom lip trembles uncontrollably. “No.”
His eyes narrow. “You’re lying. I saw her calling your phone.”
My heart beats in overdrive, his silent glower daring me to argue. I can almost feel the sting of his berating and the pain of his fist all over again. It twists my insides and shadows my vision. Panic steals my breath. I feel like I’m going to die at any second. If Joel doesn’t kill me, then my heart still might, exploding to escape this misery.
“Raven,” Joel grumbles.
My stomach heaves, and I puke all over the front of his shirt.
Baring his teeth, Joel hollers and swings his fist, hitting the wall inches away from my head. I panic and shove him back, twisting out of his hold on my shirt, not even caring that he yanks it off in his attempt to catch me. I bolt toward the door in my bra and sweatpants, my feet bare and my black hair an out of control mess. Joel hollers behind me, but it only pushes me to run harder, my feet slapping the cement pathway as I head to the parking lot.
“Raven, damn it! Get back here!” Joel yells from behind me.
I give up on running to the parking lot and instead cut between the last two buildings in our apartment complex and scream for help. I rush to the door of the apartment on the right, which is the only one lit up inside.
I raise my hand to bang on the wood, but a hand slaps over my mouth and another one hooks around my waist, yanking me back. Joel shoves me to the grass and kicks me so hard in the stomach that I can’t even cry out in pain. Shadows crowd my vision as I open and close my mouth, trying to suck in air that doesn’t come.
I try to push up, to fight, to do anything to protect myself from Joel. He’s too fast and livid, kicking me again until I roll on my back. I lie defenseless on the ground. Joel towers over me and punches me in the face again. And then again.
Blood pours from my nose and my split lips, dripping down my cheeks. It pools in my ears and stains my hair. I close my eyes, cutting off my view of Joel’s scowling face, his rage turning him more into a monster than I ever knew possible.
I pray for the pain to stop.
I pray for a quick death.
